AIBU, to not tidy the toilet until someone notices the problem.

[Obie4]

I know they say pick your battles, and this may seem silly but I find it infuriating!
So, not one person in my house belives in putting empty toilet roll tubes in the bin.
I stopped picking them up last week as I'm sick of repeating myself, and telling them I won't keep picking up after them. I thought after a few days someone would notice, but no, we are now 8 days in and there are 5 empty tubes and an empty air freshener can beside the toilet.
To be clear, there is a bin NEXT to the toilet, and im not blaming my youngest Dcs as they are quite young, but husband and DD7 and DS13 are old enough to know better.
Iv been in and cleaned the toilet everyday, but have been putting the empty tubes back next to the toilet. Sounds so rediculouse, I know, but seriously, how hard is it to open a bin lid and pop an empty one in there.
This is one of many little things, like putting rubbish on my kitchen sides, when the bin is a few foot away! Putting dirty clothes on the hall floor, instead of in the basket.. the list goes on, but feel the empty tubes were a good place to start showing them the issue, and point out that they are completly lazy.
My 2 and 3 year old are tidier than the older ones.
Friend finds it very odd that I am making a point and not picking them up, and finds it silly.
So AIBU, or is it right to try and show my dh and growing child/teen that I'm not there to pick up after everything they do!

It's annoying, and I feel your pain. An alternative suggestion, though - I have found in my house that things with lids are No Good.

So - open bin for recycling in the bathroom. No lid, and the toilet rolls get chucked in.

Laundry baskets with lids on - never opened, but things piled top. Take away the lids, the stuff goes in.

Ditto the dishwasher/things on side issue, or the piled on the kitchen bin thing - these are less solvable, though.

So - get an open wastepaper basket for the bathroom toilet rolls and tell the DC and DH you are doing your bit for the environment, please only chuck the inners in that bin. See if it works...

For the 21 yr old collect them up and put them in his bed. It is so bloody lazy. Having said that I have a recycle bin and a bin in the bathroom upstairs and am impressed that they find their way into the bin - however I think that is mostly me and DD and downstairs is DH's loo for the most part...now the cleaning of that is somewhat dodgy...think he needs lessons as he hasn't had to do before - he is 54 today

I do agree with a PP who said that it is to with differing thresholds of cleanliness/tidiness. I've had these sorts of issues throughout my life (even when I was a young kid I would be nagging at my mum to put her stuff away!)

I have come to realise now, that as people have these different levels it is hard to be annoyed or angry with people because they genuinely do not notice.

However, I have managed to explain to my DH about how it makes me feel and he has agreed that if I tell him what to do he will ensure it is done, e.g. put stuff in the bin or put a load in the wash if he fills the dirty-basket up. It did take a proper sit down chat about the situation and perhaps I was lucky that he was willing to appreciate how much it frustrated me.

YANBU but I think it might take a proper sit down chat rather than leaving them there to pile up.

The passive-aggressive tactics do not work, trust me, I tried and failed at uni too many times haha

Write a message on them and then put them somewhere they don't want them. In their bed. In their shoes. Wherever.

Ha, I like this idea!

You need to make it inconvenient for them to be lazy. So if they don't pick up after themselves (and putting rubbish in the bin has to be the most basic of household tasks) make it their problem to solve. You're not their personal slave! I understand doing it for the toddlers, but 7 year olds, teenagers and husbands are perfectly capable of doing it themselves!

You have to force them to do it. Literally tell them "go into the loo and pick up those rolls and throw them out" if they don't, there has to be some consequence, like no pocket money, no TV or going out w friedns or whatever sanctons you think will work. Same with all the other stuff theu don't help out w in the house. It's disrespectful to you and giving you extra work, and on top of this, think about that your kids will one day be husbands/wifes/parents themselves, and need to learn to do their share of housework.

Your older DC do it because they see how their father treats you and are acting accordingly.

You need to deal with him first because they are mimicking his behaviour and they (and you) will find it hard to change the situation without his support. No pussy-footing around or passive aggression needed. An outright "your behaviour is very disrespectful" would be reasonable and if he is a decent sort he will be able to see why and choose to change his behaviour.

With the DC, I second steppemum's idea. Remind them every single time and never wash anything which isn't in the basket.

Keep up the ante. Its the only way it will get noticed by going on strike.

I'm the only one on toilet roll duty in this house as well, drives me mad and I usually give in. I shouldn't complain, I'm here most of time while DH is working and he doesn't moan if I haven't done much in the house, as long as there's food for tea!!

Oh I can empathise - it’s the same here, but with everything!
I’m disabled so slightly different that I can’t actually do a lot of things, but then nobody else does either! Really gets me down that the house is a state, the main thing that gets me is the hoovering, I have to shuffle about trying to get the worst with a long dustpan and brush and obviously can’t do the stairs.
I put the machine on if people bring their washing down but I actually dread what upstairs looks like because I cant get to it easily and I know dh is worse than the kids - I’ve been on strike for ages and it has made no difference except for getting me down more!

Not that it solves the problem of laziness and disrespect per se, but I have a bin that is just for toilet roll tubes and gets emptied into the recycling. It's right underneath the toilet roll holder and doesn't have a lid, so you literally tae the old roll off the holder, let go of it and it's in the bin. This has solved that particular issue with my DC, though I still also do teach them to pick up after themselves and remind them a lot, about other stuff. If something needs doing that hasn't been done and they should have done it, it's a case of no screen time/pocket money/treat until it's done. When it comes to the crunch and the job only takes a few minutes, they quickly do it.

But it was a lot harder running a system like this with my lazy messy XP, as obviously you can't tell an adult no more of their favourite crisps until they clean the toilet, or whatever. I tried for years to get through to him and never managed to get him to pull his weight or clear up his own mess, and yes it was a bad example to the DC. Much, much easier since I LTB to get the message through to them. They now complain to me about the lamentable conditions at his place.

Just ask them to do it. I can remember my parents seething about unknown jobs they wanted me to do. If they'd asked me I would have done it, instead they got arsey and sarcastic, which in turn made me feel moody and resentful.
If I see the bathroom bin is full and someone has attempted to play Jenga with it I ask one of the kids to empty it so eventually they notice when it's full and just empty it.
If they ignore or get stroppy with requsts then yes, maybe get creative or go on strike, but give them a chance first.

Apparently you can sell them on Ebay now ... mention that or I second the idea of just telling them -- ad infinitum until they get the message.

I totally agree with asking straight, and no mind games or emotional pressure. I try to use a neutral phrase like "the xxxx needs doing before bedtime, it's your turn this week." "Everything on this floor needs to be in the washing basket, if you want your uniform to be ready for next week" - in a matter of fact way.

Bribe the kids. They get 50p for everytime they put the loo roll in the bin. Kids are easy to nurture like that and before you know it they will do it without thinking.

I hear you op my

Moving them every day and putting them back plainly isn't working - the problem is you're the only one who's inconvenienced.

Zero tolerance, or do a bigger piece on respect. Maybe writing a list together of things that take less than 10 seconds and are completely reasonable to expect of everyone except the youngest.

We do 10 minute family blitz which is v effective, but loo rolls need to be tied to using them up.

Nobody in my house can even change a toilet roll.There is a You Tube video about how to do it that I sent to them thinking there might be some reaction ...nope still the same .Toilet roll is half way across the bathroom floor rather then on the holder.

Oops - posted too soon - my dh and teen don't give a toss!

I've asked them countless times in a straightforward manner. They just don't do it.

I'm so on the same wave length as you! My DS who is 2 is way more tidier than my 2 DSS who are 14 and 10 and my DP. My DS will always come and put him empty wrappers in the bin, put his empty plate by the sink, get out and put away his toilet seat and stool when he goes to the bathroom whereas DSS14 can't even make a brew without destroying the kitchen in the process! They used to leave empty glasses, plates, wrappers etc all over the house and after a lot of hard work (constant moaning from me) they are - for the most part - better at cleaning up after themselves and if they even leave something all I have to do know is give them a look and they know to stop being lazy and take it to the kitchen.
The loo roll thing does my head in though, that's one thing none of them understand, again like you bin right next to the toilet and I find empty rolls on the floor not even near the bin, wouldn't mind if it was left on the toilet or on the windowsill but its just not necessary for them to be all over the floor! Also, I have the rule of 'if its not in the basket, its not getting washed' 10yo still not getting it but the 14yo is now more aware of his clothes and himself smelling so is better at putting clothes in the wash basket. My DP hasn't quite grasped this yet either and usually ends up with odd socks because hes thrown them in and only ones landed in the basket, not that he's bothered about that but it's my biggest pet peeve - I cannot stand odd socks!

Make a target to go over the bin - whoever hits the target with the rubbish gets 10 points, and put a score board in the bathroom. They'll be clamouring over the next empty tube.

But seriously OP - if you're fed up with something tell them to do it and don't stop telling them until they do. They've no excuse.

It's true that it's irrelevant what the DC do if their dad doesn't bother himself.

My dad always did his fair share of the housework, so I guess I just see it as perfectly normal for a man to do 50/50. When people come on here and say their husbands refuse to wash up, run a hoover around or empty the bins, I just find it baffling!

I tried ignoring them - DH ignored them still and the kids just revelled in a new wealth of impromptu telescopes at their disposal.

Oh god, this sounds like my house. Except..I am just as bad for putting them on the cabinet thing next to the loo We also have a bin in the bathroom, but so often end up with a few just next to the loo. Every week or so I do 'notice' them and move them, sometimes DH does, sometimes one of the older stepkids..but yeah, we are all bad for it. Its embarrassing really.

nosqirrells and emmasmum excellent ideas.
ginhamstarfish
likejellytots we could be the same person
I'm glad I'm not the only person who has these problems, especially with DH too lol.
Thanks for all the suggestions!

The other thing I do is write a list of jobs that need doign sometimes, when we all need to pull together. You have to do 2 jobs on the list, and they are NOT equal size, eg mow the lawn and take the clean clothes upstairs!

First come first served, all must be done if you want dinner. It is amazing how quickly they do them if it means a longer job if they don't.

A friend once said to me that parenting is saying the same thing over and over for about 4 years......
or 18 if they are slow learners!