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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say I was violated on the tube this morning?

74 replies

BasinHaircut · 02/05/2018 19:27

I haven’t been able to shake the feeling that I was violated this morning on the tube but not sure if I am over reacting.

Packed tube train, loads of people trying to get off at a busy interchange station, including me. As we are all shuffling forward towards the doors, the person (a man) behind me pushed right up against me, full body contact. I turned around to give my ‘don’t push me I’m waiting to get off too’ stare and as I did he backed off and sat down. He didnt get off the train, so why on earth would he need to push right up against me if he wasn’t trying to get off?

The only reason I can think of is because he was getting some sort of cheap thrill out of it.

AIBU to feel a bit violated?

OP posts:
SneakyGremlins · 02/05/2018 19:28

Is it not possible someone pushed into him? And he then went forwards into you?

PinkbicyclesinBerlin · 02/05/2018 19:28

Urrrghh there are signs all over the subway in NY about sexually harassing staff and passengers on trains. WTAF is wrong with some men??

pallisers · 02/05/2018 19:28

god, brings back memories of the trains in Hong Kong. And the time in Rome a young american woman shouted at the man behind her "what on earth are you doing with you hand? How dare you?" all the lovely things I warn my daughters about

Original poster
BasinHaircut · 02/05/2018 19:31

sneaky no I don’t think so, it was too prolonged to have been pushed into me and wasn’t forceful. He was the only person behind me who was trying to get off the train(or so I thought) I was in the middle of 2 doors and everyone behind him had gone the other way IYSWIM.

OP posts:
lhastingsmua · 02/05/2018 19:47

^ imo it sounds creepy.

If it was entirely innocent he would have said ‘sorry’ for pushing you, and would have got off the tube surely? Why’s he standing around amongst the commotion of people alighting and new passengers stampeding on, when his intention was to stay on the tube??? It’s like he purposely wanted to touch OP

Also you can tell when men are being creepy. It’s the way they stare at you or their general demeanor that is out of the ordinary. If you got strange vibes from him, your instinct is probably spot on. If he didn’t have creepy intentions and just accidentally pushed into you, he would have suddenly lost his footing or needed to grab onto a handrail - there’s a massive difference between that sudden, accidental interation and a full body rub like this creep gave the OP. Vile

ConciseandNice · 02/05/2018 19:49

YANBU. It has happened to me, although not in the UK. For future the best thing to do is shout at them very loudly and shame them. Men who do this (or women, yes) are opportunists and shaming them is good policy. I’m sorry.

OliviaStabler · 02/05/2018 19:51

YANBU.

There are accidents and there are people who claim they 'bumped' into you etc but you know they what they really were up to.

midnightmisssuki · 02/05/2018 19:52

Not sure but I would have said something immediately. I get on a packed train almost every day and there have been times where I question the movements of some guys but because it’s so packed - I really just don’t know...

FourFriedChickensDryWhiteToast · 02/05/2018 19:52

ye it does happen. ONce i was standing on the tube, and every time the train jiggled the one standing next to me touched my arse. IN the end i beat him over the head with a rolled up newspaper, but would hesitate to behave like that today...

HOrrible for you OP...

Weepingwillows12 · 02/05/2018 19:53

It happened to me once getting off the tube. Lift opened as I walked past in the crowd so jumped in. Felt people right behind me so kept shuffling forwards. Turned around and realised it was just me and one guy pushing up against me. Luckily another bloke got in the lift and the first stepped away. Was only 16 so did nothing. Should have shouted or reported.

AlwaysDancing1234 · 02/05/2018 19:56

Sounds horrible and creepy. Sorry you had to experience that OP Angry
Please report it to the British Transport Police. They ran a campaign on this recently. Text where, when and a brief description of what happened to 61016
You may not hear anything but by reporting you help them track and eventually catch repeat offenders.

FourFriedChickensDryWhiteToast · 02/05/2018 20:00

I agree you should report it, it might help build up a pattern of such behaviour. Trust me, you wont be the only one.

Notevilstepmother · 02/05/2018 20:04

Sorry this happened to you. Somthing similar happened to me, I didn’t think anyone would take it seriously so I didn’t report it. I wish I had. The campaign started after and I realised they might be able to see it on cctv.

Ifonlyus · 02/05/2018 20:10

You can report it. It does sound suspicious the fact he sat down again. There was something on the news the other day with police urging people to report as they are trying to build up patterns to identify repeat offenders.

HundredMilesAnHour · 02/05/2018 20:11

If it was entirely innocent he would have said ‘sorry’ for pushing you

Er, no he wouldn't. It's a crowded tube in London. 9 out of 10 people won't apologise for pushing innocent or not.

Sorry you felt like this OP, whether it was innocent or not.

bimbobaggins · 02/05/2018 20:15

Just say what the fuck are you doing if it happens again. Not sure what a stare is going to achieve

duckingfisaster · 02/05/2018 20:22

I commuted on he Northern Line during rush hour for 10 years & I’d say that on average that happened/someone attempted once a month during that time, maybe 10 to 15 times per year, usually happens more in hot weather I found.

After a couple of years I perfected the elbow jab - very sharp jab in the stomach to him, push back your elbow really forcefully & suddenly, by starting with your fist at shoulder height at the front, bringing it down to your waist as you jab backwards, you get get quite a lot of momentum in a limited space (do that as soon as you can tell it is more than just a packed train thing) - followed by a very fake apology if you think it is necessary.

Alternatively try ‘WHAT THE FUCK DO THINK YOU’RE DOING’ top volume, face to face. Or both. Usually stops your average sad little pervert.

Saying that, looking at previous replies - times have changed, perhaps reporting it might be a better option now they have all the security etc!?

Sleepsoon7 · 02/05/2018 20:25

It has a name - frotteurism. Happens a lot on the underground. Difficult to prosecute as many women (and men) are not totally sure it was really happening rather than just an accidental bumping in to them, or are so shocked they don’t report the person, or if they do can’t describe them with any clarity. Sorry it happened to you 💐

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 02/05/2018 20:27

I knew someone would come on here and try and make out it was an accident

We know when something makes us feel uncomfortable. Unfortunately packed trains and buses are places where men that like to sexually harasses and assault women get away with their actions easily

I’ve never rubbed myself up or pushed my full body or groin into someone after years of travelling on the tube in rush hour it amazes me that so many men accidentally do this Hmm

boatyardblues · 02/05/2018 20:29

I did a self-defence class at uni led by a very tiny but feisty woman. She said a man was groping her arse at the bar in a very crowded pub, so she grabbed his wrist hard and yanked his hand up where everyone could see it, shouting "whose filthy hand is this on my arse?" She reported that the outcome was deeply satisfying, as a number of men and women around her in the queue gave him short shrift. I guess you do have to pick your crowd and your moment. The element of surprise is also probably important.

hiblueblue · 02/05/2018 20:30

m.youtube.com/watch?v=9cOYPFnQO1U

Honestly watch this video. Sadly it’s very common.

herecomesthsun · 02/05/2018 20:31

Stamp on the guy's foot?

Missingstreetlife · 02/05/2018 20:31

Not unreasonable, world full of pervy men

JaneJeffer · 02/05/2018 20:33

This happened me years ago on the tube I was standing sideways near the door and he was facing me and keep trying to lean right against me holding the bar beside me. I had my rolled up umbrella in my hand and pointed it towards his crotch which put a stop to him.

Namethatchange · 02/05/2018 20:36

This is very common in a lot of foreign cities unfortunately, I've never heard of it happening in the UK before. Sorry OP Flowers I would report it though.

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