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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To say I was violated on the tube this morning?

74 replies

BasinHaircut · 02/05/2018 19:27

I haven’t been able to shake the feeling that I was violated this morning on the tube but not sure if I am over reacting.

Packed tube train, loads of people trying to get off at a busy interchange station, including me. As we are all shuffling forward towards the doors, the person (a man) behind me pushed right up against me, full body contact. I turned around to give my ‘don’t push me I’m waiting to get off too’ stare and as I did he backed off and sat down. He didnt get off the train, so why on earth would he need to push right up against me if he wasn’t trying to get off?

The only reason I can think of is because he was getting some sort of cheap thrill out of it.

AIBU to feel a bit violated?

OP posts:

Doubletrouble99 · 02/05/2018 21:00

Not nice at all, definitely trying to get some cheap thrill. Many years ago I was in a very crowded tube and the guy behind me began rubbing himself against me very obviously. He had a hard on!
I was a student and didn't say anything just got off and got the next train.

Original poster

BasinHaircut · 02/05/2018 21:04

They just text me back and are apparently going to call me to get details.

OP posts:

Original poster

BasinHaircut · 02/05/2018 21:25

Just spoke to a BTP officer who took a few more details. To be honest she sounded a bit disappointed that it wasn’t more serious and was quite dismissive of the whole thing.

OP posts:

Oldraver · 02/05/2018 21:28

Actually there are some massive advantages of being over 50.

I'm 53 and just after Christmas I had a man back up to me in a club and start rubbing up and down on my breasts...my partner was beside me...

SarahSiddons · 02/05/2018 21:31

Sorry Basin that you were disappointed by the phone call. I suppose it’s positive they called you back and I hope your information might ultimately help to identify the person who did this. You did the right thing.

Marmelised · 02/05/2018 21:31

Used to happen to me all the time on the 1980s. I wore pointy heels in those days and carried a hard samsonite briefcase. I used to step backwards, apply pressure and then as I left the carriage swing my briefcase backwards with force.

FourFriedChickensDryWhiteToast · 02/05/2018 21:31

Jesus Christ almighty, oldraver....

Original poster

BasinHaircut · 02/05/2018 21:35

Thanks Sarah, I don’t think the info I could provide was probably much help in terms of identifying this specific person, but more in terms of building intelligence and hoped I was doing the right thing by reporting. But I sort of feel now like BTP think that was a waste of their time...

OP posts:

Clinicalwaste · 02/05/2018 21:43

He would not have done this to a man. I am sorry this happened to you op. It was not your fault and you did nothing wrong. He is a weirdo who does this all the time.

Ohmydayslove · 02/05/2018 21:44

My dh works in London and gets the tube daily. He has never ever done this. He has however seen it done and intervened as we have 2 dds.

I am 50 and went to a night club very reluctantly with young work colleagues. A very very young lad fully touched my breast completejy openly. I slapped his face and got him slung out. I am now a ‘legend’

If you feel you were assaulted op you were

CuriousaboutSamphire · 02/05/2018 21:54

I too have slapped the owner of a breast groping hand. Bouncers appeared like Mr Benn's long lost nephews and ejected the young man... to his howls of "I wouldn't touch that with yours...."

One bouncer replied "Quiet right sir, you wouldn't"
The other said "But the CCTV showed you being very free with your own"

A tale that would have gone down as a True Legend, had it not been for the sad fact that they said such things a lot, were well practised.

FinnegansCake · 02/05/2018 22:04

A young student friend was on a very crowded train early one morning, and the man behind her was pressed close against her. With every movement of the carriage he seemed to rub himself harder against her. She was too scared to confront him, and couldn’t move away as there was no room.
When she finally got off at her stop and was walking towards her uni, a girl tapped her on the shoulder and said “Hi, did you know you’ve got yoghurt on the back of your trousers?”

Eliza9917 · 02/05/2018 22:11

The tube is full of perverts. The only way to deal with them is to call them out loudly and obviously.

Ohmydayslove · 03/05/2018 10:58

Finnegans

Omg grim

Storminateapot · 03/05/2018 11:14

Sadly not new, happened to me on the Northern Line 30 years ago. It's not immediately clear it's happening because you're so crammed in when someone's body comes right up behind yours it could be accidental - then I felt his erection rubbing against my bum

Stupidly I did nothing, was only about 20 & not very assertive.

FreckledLeopard · 03/05/2018 11:35

I've been relatively lucky on the tube but got molested at a nightclub years ago. Dancing with a friend, minding my own business and a middle-aged guy came up and stuck his hand straight down my trousers into my knickers. It was grim. I had to stamp repeatedly on his foot before he finally took his hand out - I was struggling to get away and he just kept his hand there. Wish I'd have knocked the fucker out now.

downthestrada · 03/05/2018 11:48

Used to sometimes get this on the train to Edinburgh when it was busy or the later trains when people were drunk. Good opportunity for men to take advantage. When I was younger, I put up with a lot more, but now I would shout at them. More recently when I have confronted them, it's resulted in a few incidents of them shouting something racist at me. Sadly, nobody backed me up on those occasions.

downthestrada · 03/05/2018 11:55

finnegans that is disgusting and frightening, your poor friend. That's the thing, it's not immediately obvious and so, you don't want to make a fuss and then find out you're wrong and have accused someone innocent in front of everyone. . Or, is that the wrong attitude to have? Should we be more like "it's so common that's why we expect it first".

Ratonastick · 03/05/2018 12:07

It is still horribly common. I’m in my mid 40s and it’s roughly a monthly occurrence. I think we’re all less tolerant now but anyone who regularly uses the tube knows that feeling of wondering if it’s just too packed or if some ghastly scrote is getting his jollies. If you wonder, it’s probably the latter.

I honestly don’t know how to deal with it. The sassy stories of loud comments and perpetrators slinking away are great, but the truth is that doing that could get you a punch in the face. I don’t know the answer, but after 20 years of commuting by tube, I bloody wish I did.

GirlsBlouse17 · 03/05/2018 22:13

Have you heard anything more from the BTP OP?

Original poster

BasinHaircut · 03/05/2018 22:39

No, and I don’t expect to hear anything else, I think that’s it.

OP posts:

GirlsBlouse17 · 04/05/2018 21:19

You did the right thing whatever happens. Hope you're okay OP x

Daifuku9 · 04/05/2018 21:59

That’s definitely something some men do with purpose. I’ve had that happen at a concert. Once the main act appeared, the crowd moved forward at the same moment. A man very deliberately and slowly pushed himself into my back, trying to make it seem like it couldn’t be helped, mainly with his groin against my backside. I knew it was no accident because why push like that?! Other girls I talked to later said they knew what I was talking about, and I’ve read it’s some kind of sexual deviance.

I stomped on his instep, and happened to be wearing combat boots.

SarahSiddons · 05/05/2018 09:18

@BasinHaircut - I agree you did the right thing. If nothing else every report of behaviour like that shows that it’s happening and should be taken seriously even if unfortunately there’s not enough information to catch the individual in your case.

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