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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say I was violated on the tube this morning?

74 replies

BasinHaircut · 02/05/2018 19:27

I haven’t been able to shake the feeling that I was violated this morning on the tube but not sure if I am over reacting.

Packed tube train, loads of people trying to get off at a busy interchange station, including me. As we are all shuffling forward towards the doors, the person (a man) behind me pushed right up against me, full body contact. I turned around to give my ‘don’t push me I’m waiting to get off too’ stare and as I did he backed off and sat down. He didnt get off the train, so why on earth would he need to push right up against me if he wasn’t trying to get off?

The only reason I can think of is because he was getting some sort of cheap thrill out of it.

AIBU to feel a bit violated?

OP posts:
1Potato2 · 02/05/2018 20:36

God, this reminds me of the early noughties in Rome. I was 19 and on a bus with my mum and dsis. Standing room only but plenty of space.

An older man came right up behind me. I moved away a bit and he shifted too. My mum and dsis laughed.

They don't remember now, but I do. It was gross. There was no mistake. It was broad daylight.

I would like to think I would do things differently now, but women have got to be careful unfortunately. A man walked past me in The Ministry of Sound once and grabbed my crotch. I instantly grabbed his hand and dug my nails in. He was much stronger than me and spun round threatened to beat me up. I said and did nothing. He went. The bouncers couldn't find him. He knew what he had done and that he could get away with it.

IwantedtobeEmmaPeel · 02/05/2018 20:38

You were not BU. Once, when I kept trying to move forward in a tightly packed tube train I kept feeling someone clamped to my backside like a limpet, I gave him the benefit of the doubt then after the third time of trying to shuffle away from him I just shouted at the top of my voice without turning round that if whoever kept touching my arse did not stop I would lamp him one. Funnily enough despite being packed in like sardines I suddenly had quite a lot of personal space around me. Very common in Paris as well.

GirlsBlouse17 · 02/05/2018 20:39

Sorry you experienced this OP. They have cctv in each carriage I believe so you could contact the transport police and they could check out the cctv of the train you were on

SarahSiddons · 02/05/2018 20:41

You absolutely should report it. Watch the video and see what you think then.

tfl.gov.uk/travel-information/safety/report-it-to-stop-it

This happened to me many years ago on the tube (busy train, man pressing himself into me). I felt very uncomfortable but there was that doubt in my mind. With hindsight I have no doubt - I travel on the Tube everyday and mostly the people (men or women) I’m squashed in with seem to be as unhappy with the situation as I am, but not that time and I could tell the difference.

AmyA78 · 02/05/2018 20:41

I used to work in London also found this happened too frequently. My mums advice was to step back onto their toes and push down really hard and give them 'the look'. Especially effective if you're wearing heals. But I agree with other posts, times have moved on and actually saying something and reporting is probably the way forward. Sad how common it is.

FourFriedChickensDryWhiteToast · 02/05/2018 20:42

" This is very common in a lot of foreign cities unfortunately, I've never heard of it happening in the UK before. "

oh come on, have you never lived in London then?

I had one guy sitting opposite me on the tube.with his large erection lying against his leg, under the trousers but clearly visible IYKWIM, put his hand on the erection and grin at me...

Actually there are some massive advantages of being over 50.

TheFirstMrsOsmond · 02/05/2018 20:42

Excellent example of how to deal with it from my DD - feeling a hand on her she grabbed it and shouted, "Has anyone lost a hand? Because I just found this one on my arse"

Sleepsoon7 · 02/05/2018 20:44

Not sure if accident comment was aimed at me, if so I wasn’t saying it was an accident just pointing out why these people get away with it as when it happens victims often take a while to process what happened and can’t believe that the perpetrator could be acting in such a vile way. For what it’s worth I totally believe the OP has on her account been the likely victim of a sexual assault and quite understand the feeling of being violated she has described. (pS if the accident comment wasn’t aimed at me then as you were.....)

ReanimatedSGB · 02/05/2018 20:44

If you feel up to it, report it. And Flowers to you.
About 35 years ago, a man groped my leg on a train. This was in the days when you could smoke on trains, and I was smoking. So I dabbed his hand with my lit cigarette (the ashtray was between the seats). He yelped and I said the most insincere 'whoops, sorry' ever. And that was that.

VerbenaBorensis · 02/05/2018 20:45

I had my arse pinched on a crowded tube so I stepped on his foot with my high heels and said oh sorry! very cheerfully-he knew and looked very embarrassed. Imho I would just learn from it and be prepared for next time. Sometimes had men wiv BO standing real close and I would stand with elbow back to stop them coming closer. Different cultures have different personal spaces (can't think of the correct description....) so may genuinely been aware?

LemnisKate · 02/05/2018 20:46

This used to happen to me regularly in my 20s on the Circle Line (20 odd years ago). I remember telling my Mum and her saying it was just what happened on the tube and it had happened to her when she was younger too. I’m glad times have changed and that we are all less accepting of this kind of behaviour now.

Original poster
BasinHaircut · 02/05/2018 20:46

That video is horrifying. Yes I think I will report it, thank you.

OP posts:
combatbarbie · 02/05/2018 20:50

Happened to me on the tube once, packed like sardines, I became aware of a hand touching me, thought it was a pick pocket so rearranged my bag that but then he groped my arse, thought it was an accident and he done it again. I said very loudly that if he didn't remove his hand from my arse I was going to break his hand off and shove it up his....

Doubletrouble99 · 02/05/2018 20:50

Not nice at all, definitely trying to get some cheap thrill. Many years ago I was in a very crowded tube and the guy behind me began rubbing himself against me very obviously. He had a hard on!
I was a student and didn't say anything but got off and got the next train.

FeeLock28 · 02/05/2018 20:51

BasinHaircut, really really do report it if you can possibly bring yourself to do so. There are notices all over the tube saying that BTP are taking it seriously. They're incredibly worried about how to try to reach people who think they won't be believed.

Original poster
BasinHaircut · 02/05/2018 20:52

Have just text that number. Has made me feel a bit better.

OP posts:
Namethatchange · 02/05/2018 20:53

@FourFried, many years ago I worked In London and still have friends who work there but have never known this to be a common thing here unlikely other cities I have lived in or frequented. Maybe its just not talked about as much here?

Ifonlyus · 02/05/2018 20:53

That's good Basin

FourFriedChickensDryWhiteToast · 02/05/2018 20:54

hm maybe that's it Namesthatchange...:(

stressedoutpa · 02/05/2018 20:54

Yes definitely report it. You have nothing to lose.

Horrible stories on here. So much of it has been going on for years and women are fed up.

sweetiehuni · 02/05/2018 20:55

This actually happened to me too and apparently it's quite common unfortunately. I hope you are okay :(

SarahSiddons · 02/05/2018 20:58

“Have just text that number. Has made me feel a bit better.”

Thank you. Well done.

Downtheslipperyslip · 02/05/2018 20:59

This happened to me once on the tube too. I was 17 or 18 and it was during rush hour. A man stood in front of me and put his hand up my skirt. At the time I was too shocked to react other than to get off at the next stop. But I felt disgusting. Vile man. I’m sorry this happened to you.

QueenoftheNights · 02/05/2018 20:59

it's horrible.
Years and years ago a guy ( very well dressed, middle Eastern, smart overcoat) was standing in the aisle of a London bus and I was on the aisle seat. When the bus swung round a corner, he swung himself against my arm. And he kept doing it. I realised he was erect. I was not going to get off that bus having waited for it for ages and started ahead and ignored him. Now, I'd yell WTF do you think you are doing! It was my first ever experience of anything like that and I was quite shaken up.

OliviaStabler · 02/05/2018 21:00

I remember one colleague telling me about something that happened to her. She thought this man was rubbing up against her on the Tube. She says she turned around and he was a young man and she described herself as middle aged and assumed it was the packed tube combined with the vibrations of the train. Just before he disembarked he whispered 'thank you' to her.

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