Is this shit or am I BU?

[IamPickleRick]

It’s my birthday today. I’ve not had a birthday celebration in 4 years (friends hen party weekend/c section/baby’s first birthday/sil’s hen party this weekend) so I guess people have on the whole forgotten.

I am away Friday to Sunday for SIL hen so can’t go out this weekend, last weekend was DC’s birthday party and the weekend after is another friends birthday party.

So while I am away this weekend, DH has organised a massive BBQ for him and all of our friends at our house. Lovely. It’s the celebration I would have been at if I hadn’t been roped in to this hen (which I couldn’t say no to, as it’s his sister). I guess I’ll just see all the pics of my mates having a great time without me on FB.

So this morning, I thought I might get a card or what not. Nope. Awoke to dc2 screaming, while DH has his bath. I made my own coffee, breakfast, the kids breakfasts, asked where my cards where, DP quickly ran out with the kids to write them. We can’t go out tonight because we haven’t got babysitters and even if we did, we’d have to be up at 6am.

Am I expecting too much?

He sounds like a right twat.

That’s ridiculous to plan a party for you when you’re not there. Tell him to pull his bloody finger out and rearrange it for the next available weekend and you don’t care if that is in September! Ooh I’m raging for you now. How dare he.

'mrsmadevons unless you love flamingos that is the strangest rubbish gift.'
I don't
Sorry to hijack your thread OP but l was trying to cheer you up by showing you there are others in the same boats

Take one of your best friends to Venice instead. It's truly rubbish and must feel really crap.
Tell him no more of this thoughtlessness - agree in advance on overall expectations and make it clear you're not going to go all out to celebrate other people when they are this forgetful and callous about you. DH and I wouldn't do weekends away or big things for birthdays, but would maybe have dinner out (babysitter!) , or cake & candles with a local friend with their DC to help eat cake. We don't usually do gifts for each other (he doesn't like to collect "stuff" and I'm not too bothered, will get something myself if I want it). He doesn't make any fuss, but then, I don't book Venice for him!
And at the end of the day, it's not about the actual gifts, cakes and trips. It's about everyone taking you for granted and not thinking about your feelings, and the contrast between Venice and this.

Just say you can't do the hen, now that DH has organised a BBQ at yours! Buy or make yourself a cake and tell everyone it's your birthday BBQ,!

I'm still confused - why have you willingly gone along with all this?

Cancel the party that is beyond odd and use tonight to talk to him about your relationship.

yes you are expecting too much if you haven't told him what you want for your birthday. Nobody is a mind reader! I always organise the birthday party I want and don't expect people to 'guess'.

FrenchJunebug Is a card not standard then? I’ll make a note to tell every single member of my family next year to write a card then. I could even compile an amazon wish list of cards I like so that I can send it to them well ahead of time so they get me one I like and in a timely fashion. OP isn’t upset that she didn’t get a present, she’s upset about her H’s behaviour.

Sorry, what have I willingly gone along with? I’m going on a hen party and woke up on my birthday expecting a cup of tea and a card. Maybe a nice cuddle with the kids and a happy birthday mum, instead of screaming while he lounges in the bath. What’s to have gone along with?

Thanks for the advice but I’m not using what’s left of my already shitty birthday to “talk about our relationship”. I’m not wasting the day further, thanks. I’ll be out with my mate who is now coming to dinner with me!

Nope I don't expect a card either. My parents do send me one but that's it.

Enjoy your birthday treat with your mate OP have a great time

I always organise the birthday party I want and don't expect people to 'guess'.

You'd think at the very least it's not a guess that people would like to be at their birthday bash!

Nobody is a mind reader!

You don’t have to be to assume that people will give you a card on your birthday. There are whole birthday card shops on the high street full of cards for guess what? Birthdays! Are Clinton’s only in business through mind reading or people specifically asking for birthday cards then? I can’t even imagine saying to someone “I’d like a birthday card this year please”.

Poor French doesn’t even expect their dp to work out they’d like to attend their own party. That’s not much of a standard.

I think anyone with half a brain would think thier oh capable of figuring out how and when a birthday card was appropriate!
Anything else is not just setting the bar low its digging a trench to put it in😕

why do women (or men!) continue to put up with this behaviour from their partners? I despair