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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is this shit or am I BU?

91 replies

IamPickleRick · 02/05/2018 11:12

It’s my birthday today. I’ve not had a birthday celebration in 4 years (friends hen party weekend/c section/baby’s first birthday/sil’s hen party this weekend) so I guess people have on the whole forgotten.

I am away Friday to Sunday for SIL hen so can’t go out this weekend, last weekend was DC’s birthday party and the weekend after is another friends birthday party.

So while I am away this weekend, DH has organised a massive BBQ for him and all of our friends at our house. Lovely. It’s the celebration I would have been at if I hadn’t been roped in to this hen (which I couldn’t say no to, as it’s his sister). I guess I’ll just see all the pics of my mates having a great time without me on FB.

So this morning, I thought I might get a card or what not. Nope. Awoke to dc2 screaming, while DH has his bath. I made my own coffee, breakfast, the kids breakfasts, asked where my cards where, DP quickly ran out with the kids to write them. We can’t go out tonight because we haven’t got babysitters and even if we did, we’d have to be up at 6am.

Am I expecting too much?

OP posts:

PerfectPenquins · 02/05/2018 11:41

Id go to Venice alone :) Your husbands a shit but tell him that so he knows how disappointed you are. Otherwise, he will carry on thinking his pathetic last minute card writing will do!

Trinity66 · 02/05/2018 11:41

Oh yeah the BBQ, I'd be really annoyed if my DH chose a weekend I was away to have a big get together like that

Hideandgo · 02/05/2018 11:41

Are you the poster with the DB who insists on an hour long daily bath? If so, the birthday is just another part of the same problem.....

StaplesCorner · 02/05/2018 11:42

Um - so why is your DH having a BBQ party? To celebrate you being away?

hungryhungryhippo8 · 02/05/2018 11:43

What a turd! I hope it rains

Cornishclio · 02/05/2018 11:44

I would not cancel Venice but count it as your birthday celebration too as you got nothing. I certainly would not be making a fuss of DH when he did nothing for you and in fact organised a do when you aren't even going to be there. Do you want to go to the hen party? You can say no to his sister and tell her that her idiot of a brother arranged your birthday celebration for this weekend. I would unless you are really close to her. It is his sister, not yours.

Karigan1 · 02/05/2018 11:44

Hmmmmm leave kids with dad, phone your best friend and go out.

If he doesn’t like it point out it’s your birthday and since he hadn’t thought of anything you’re doing your own thing.

Happy birthday. Hope it gets better later

Mookatron · 02/05/2018 11:48

Happy Birthday!

That is shit. I would tell DH someone else is going to Venice with you as you are really pissed off he made zilch-o effort for your birthday.

Why can't the BBQ be on Monday? Isn't it a holiday where you are?

Original poster

IamPickleRick · 02/05/2018 11:49

No I’m not that poster but he does usually have an hour long bath in the AM. I don’t mind as he gets up especially early to do it, but today I do mind because it means he had even more time to get the kettle on and didn’t!

OP posts:

Original poster

IamPickleRick · 02/05/2018 11:49

Monday IS a holiday here. That’s why is even worse 😂

OP posts:

FizzyGreenWater · 02/05/2018 11:52

Tell him the bbq is to be moved to Monday, and it's going to be your birthday bbq. Or he can go to Venice on his own.

Trinity66 · 02/05/2018 11:54

Tell him the bbq is to be moved to Monday, and it's going to be your birthday bbq. Or he can go to Venice on his own.

This ^^

Butterymuffin · 02/05/2018 11:54

Can either a) you come back on Sunday morning from the hen so you will be there for the barbecue, or b) move the barbecue to Monday?

DPotter · 02/05/2018 11:57

Happy birthday!
I take no chances with my birthday and started dropping hints soon after Christmas about a book I would like.

To be honest I'd prefer the BBQ to the Hen party weekend. Could you do both - either go late to the hen party or come home early. Friday to monday is too long for a hen party anyway.

expatinscotland · 02/05/2018 11:57

No more birthday celebrations for him. Not even a card? Stop pandering to him.

Willow2017 · 02/05/2018 12:00

I would be more pissed off that he could organise a big bbq for him and friends but not a bloody birthday card or a cuppa in bed for you.

FASH84 · 02/05/2018 12:01

Ooh that's not nice. He needs to make up for this sharpish even if it's too late for your actual birthday

Neverseen · 02/05/2018 12:02

Happy birthday OP

YANBU and your DH is a plonker. The BBQ is very odd to arrange when he knows you're not going to be around, maybe he thinks you're looking forward the hen do more than you actually are. Can you not go for a meal with the DCs too? Or make him buy you a takeaway.

My DP didn't even say happy birthday to me this year because we'd argued a couple of days before and weren't really talking apparently, he didn't think he needed to. Nothing to make it up after, despite the fact I'd paid for a very expensive bday meal for him the month before. Shan't be making that mistake again.

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 02/05/2018 12:06

Happy birthday!!

Yeah that’s shit op. I would phone a friend and go out tonight. Just for a few drinks/meal something nice just for you.

And if he doesn’t pull it out of the bag I’d be changing his ticket to Venice to a lovely friend instead

My birthday is in the same week as both our dc. Yes it’s crazy busy. But hey we all get a birthday celebration (mine is less cake-focused than the dcs....!)

Hope you have an awesome rest of the day

diddl · 02/05/2018 12:09

Knowing that you were busy this weekend I would have thought that it would have possible to do something last weekend?

If the BBQ can't be moved-can you leave the hen do in time for it?

I've never done "grand gestures" for bdays-so the Venice trip wouldn't be a bday present.

It would be a trip away for both of you.

Another time-at least make him get out of the bloody bath to be doing/having breakfast with you & the kids!

Stop putting yourself last-you don't have to go to any hen do that you don't want to go to.

BananaBanana1999 · 02/05/2018 12:10

Firstly, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Secondly, that is extremely shit!!! I would be very resentful. As it is, my birthday gets bulldozed by Christmas on the regular, but at least I'm prepared for that and can book stuff early. I'd be so tempted to rearrange Venice so that it falls on your birthday instead.

Is it time to speak to DP about your expectations RE birthday? I get he couldn't easily arrange anything this year given SIL's hen, but he could have made more of an effort with cards etc.

Juells · 02/05/2018 12:10

Cancel Venice immediately. As people on here say all the time re children... consequences!

LizB62A · 02/05/2018 12:13

Why is he having a BBQ when you're away? Why not wait until when you're there? I think I'd be a bit miffed unless he routinely does them and this one isn't anything special.

Clandestino · 02/05/2018 12:14

Happy Birthday, OP !

Any chance you could have a bit of time for yourself? Go out, to the cinema, have a nice lunch? Even on your own? And let DH take care of the children.

sadie9 · 02/05/2018 12:17

That's weird him organising a BBQ with you away. He must think you really really wanted to go on the SIL hen weekend, so why should he miss out on fun. Does he know how much work is involved in running a BBQ on your own, and look after kids as well?
Will he be shopping and doing all the pre-BBQ cleaning of the house, and making salads etc.
Have you told him how you feel about the BBQ, and what exact words did you use?

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