Is this shit or am I BU?

[IamPickleRick]

It’s my birthday today. I’ve not had a birthday celebration in 4 years (friends hen party weekend/c section/baby’s first birthday/sil’s hen party this weekend) so I guess people have on the whole forgotten.

I am away Friday to Sunday for SIL hen so can’t go out this weekend, last weekend was DC’s birthday party and the weekend after is another friends birthday party.

So while I am away this weekend, DH has organised a massive BBQ for him and all of our friends at our house. Lovely. It’s the celebration I would have been at if I hadn’t been roped in to this hen (which I couldn’t say no to, as it’s his sister). I guess I’ll just see all the pics of my mates having a great time without me on FB.

So this morning, I thought I might get a card or what not. Nope. Awoke to dc2 screaming, while DH has his bath. I made my own coffee, breakfast, the kids breakfasts, asked where my cards where, DP quickly ran out with the kids to write them. We can’t go out tonight because we haven’t got babysitters and even if we did, we’d have to be up at 6am.

Am I expecting too much?

"He thought I would be happy that he’d asked everyone over so that their kids could play with our kids."

Is that code for "so everyone else could keep his children occupied while he spent his time with his own friends"?

Happy birthday.

Do nice things for yourself. I would cancel the trip if possible. If it were me I would be asking him why he hasn’t got you a card or gift! But that’s just me!

I would either arrive later or leave earlier from the hen weekend and go to the barbeque, or move the bbq to Monday and call it a birthday barbeque. No need to be a martyr to other people's plans. Next year, book YOUR celebration yourself and book it on the nearest weekend to your birthday, but do it EARLY.

OP I would just try and make the most of the rest of the day. Get a bottle of something nice for when the kids are in bed, and as soon as you're all home, plonk yourself on the couch and declare that you're not doing anything else today because its your birthday. Get a take-away for tea. Direct all DC's queries and demands to DH and have a good chill out. If he gets a face on him over it, remind him about Venice and that he's lucky you've not booked yourself into a hotel and buggered off for the night.

Was the birthday party organised before the hen? Why are you being “roped into” things? Considering you’ve not had a celebration for the past few years, your party is easily as important as the hen do. Are you normally a push over?

There's been a spate of shitty birthdays lately. Mine was on Sunday and it was rubbish so I spoiled myself. You should do the same!

Ugh fuck his birthday and go with a friend or your mum. Venice is waster on twats like these.

He doesn't appear to give you any consideration.

He's organised all that for a BBQ you're not going to be at and done fuck all for your birthday.

He fucking organised a big bash near your birthday for all of your friends when he knew you weren't going to be there?

Has he always been a special brand of arsehole?

'Does he know how much work is involved in running a BBQ on your own, and look after kids as well?
Will he be shopping and doing all the pre-BBQ cleaning of the house, and making salads etc.
Have you told him how you feel about the BBQ, and what exact words did you use?'

I would do FA for the BBQ. I'm serious, FA. Wouldn't even mention it or clean the house. He wanted it, he organises it.

@Idontdowindows
Has he always been a special brand of arsehole?

😂 The truth in a nutshell 😂

Happy Birthday Op. it's shit. Tell him you would like a present and a takeaway tonight.
Don't bother organising anything for his birthday in future.
Don't do anything for the BBQ, not your responsibility.

My birthday is the same day as DSD and the day after DD. Mine is now non negotiable. I do so much for everyone else this is their chance to show appreciation. If I got nothing. Everybody, kids included, would get the same.

Happy Birthday 🥂🎉💐

A card should maybe have been written. Some acknowledgement.

Happy birthday! At least he had bought cards!

My daughter was born the day after my birthday so her day has always taken precedence. She is an adult now but we have completely got out of the habit of doing anything for my birthday as I always prefered to put the money towards hers.

But on my last birthday I had had enough. I decided I wanted cake. Lots of cake. So I went out and bought them myself so that I got what I wanted. Maybe I could have told my husband what to buy or hoped he would get something I liked but I actually enjoyed choosing for myself!

I always make a big fuss of my husband but after 35 years together I know what he is good at and what he isn't and birthdays are one of the things he really doesn't do but I don't care. He loves me every day even when I mess up so the fact he doesn't "get" birthdays is not really significant.

However the idea of the bbq which is basically a party - without you - would really upset me.

Maybe "misplace" your passport and you won't be able to go to the hen do.....
Or something similar if not leaving the UK...

Seriously there is jack all chance I would do a bloody thing for his bbq.

The hen party was originally a different date. We paid a substantial amount of money. Then the date got changed twice.

He has arranged for SIL to come over tonight now to have the kids so we can go out to dinner but I might just say forget it and go out on my own.

Do you think the BBQ was supposed to be your birthday party but then DSIL organised her hen night and they clashed? Otherwise I have no idea why he's hosting a party when you're away. Unless he's the type of person who always competes hence he has to have a party because you're away to a party

Could you have a mini BBQ tonight for you, DH and the DCs to celebrate your birthday?

YADNBU OP. I wouldn't go to the hen do, they are all shite anyways, attention seeking, pissed, vomiting, messy idiots. I would stay at the BBQ .
As for spate of shitty birthdays, mine was just dire too, our beloved cat of 15 years died ON THE MORNING, l had no cards/presents from my mum and dad or in fact anyone except my dd2 and my DH , HE'S NO DARLING , bought me the most awful present, pic included . I have had the most awful virus still can't stop coughing and I have eaten everything not nailed down. There is no hope.......

If the hen changed, then he could have changed the date of the BBQ. The hen is for his sister, ffs.

I think I’d sit mine down and say this feels like shit, you have two weeks to show me you care or someone else is going to come to Venice with me to celebrate MY birthday because no one else in my family is lifting a finger for it.

That's really shit. At the very least he could have organised the children to write/ make cards for you.

I'd be seriously tempted to take someone else to Venice so it becomes your birthday celebration!

He decided on the bbq last Monday, it’s not a long standing party that people have known about for months. It’s like he knew I was going away, knew I didn’t really want to, knew I’d not had a weekend birthday night out in four years and took the opportunity to give me a kick in the gut.

Or he could just be a thoughtless arsehole which is more likely but hurts the same.

Jesus wept Pickle.

Well, there's the answer to my question then: he's a special brand of arsehole.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

Dont waste time being miserable. Your DH has been really thoughtless and I can see why you are upset but no need for you to sabotage your own birthday. Just get what you can out of it. Go out to dinner tonight. Dont lift a finger to set up the BBQ and go out and have as much fun as you possibly can on the hen night.

mrsmadevons unless you love flamingos that is the strangest rubbish gift.

Happy Birthday op. My Dh is useless with birthdays but I think the bbq pushes it from being a bit shit to inconsiderate arsehole.