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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sister punishing my 3 year old

59 replies

upsideup · 01/05/2018 13:02

My sister has come to stay with us for a few days. This morning 3 year old dd had a little tantrum which was it was over within a minute and was pretty standard tired, hungry 3 year old behaviour, I had sorted it and dd was sat nicely eating her breakfast.
Sis hadnt seen any of the kids since easter so had brought them all a chocolate gift, she handed out the older 3 theres at breakfast in front of dd and told her she wasnt going to get hers yet because she had been naughty.

Since then dd has as far as I am concerned has been well behaved. After lunch my Sis had been planning to take both 4 year old ds and dd to the park but now is saying she is only going to be taking ds again beause dd had been naughty this morning.

AIBU to say she takes none of them or both of them and doesnt need to be punishing dd for behaviour I have already dealt with or since she is taking them out alone should she be allowed to take only the 'good' child like she wants to?

OP posts:
Fruitcorner123 · 01/05/2018 13:04

Oh my gosh please don't let her. Tell her to take them all and that you have already dealt with DDs's behaviour and you don't need her to interfere.

SmashedMug · 01/05/2018 13:05

Yanbu. I wouldn't be letting her take either of them alone though when she has such a childish attitude towards them.

hellsbellsmelons · 01/05/2018 13:06

You should tell her that she is your DD.
You dealt with it.
She has already punished her enough not giving her the chocolate.
She can either take them both out or neither as you won't see her punished for a small tantrum any more than she already has been.
Be honest and let her know.

Member984815 · 01/05/2018 13:09

The discipline of your child is your business not hers to decide. I'd flip my lid if my sister interfered. Tell her take them all or none. A 3 yr old will have forgotten what she is being punished for and won't understand why she can't go .

Jamiefraserskilt · 01/05/2018 13:09

This is a woman who does not have kids otherwise she would understand three year olds and punishment. Your dd is not an adult and Does not deserve to be punished multiple times for one event. Be firm and explain this: All of nothing sister, all or nothing.

pigsDOfly · 01/05/2018 13:09

So she's carrying on punishing this morning's tantrum over and over (nothing to do with her anyway). How long is planing to keep it going?

She wouldn't be taking any of my children anywhere on her own. She sounds a spiteful tbh.

BananasAreTheSourceOfEvil · 01/05/2018 13:09

I’d be pissed off if my sister tried that without asking me first. Plus naughty behaviour due to being morning grumpy and hungry leading to not being allowed to go to the park after lunch? At three I’m not sure mine would be able to truly understand the time lapse from behaviour to consequence.

It’s ott IMO.

You’re the parent, not her.

UnsuspectedItem · 01/05/2018 13:09

Your sister was out of order but did you actually do anything about this "little tantrum"?

Waggingmyginger · 01/05/2018 13:11

Tell her she isn't allowed to take anyone as she appears to be carrying a grudge towards a 3 year old. She can stay in while the rest of you go out and have fun.

Peterrabbitscarrots · 01/05/2018 13:12

Not giving the chocolate treat was ok in my book, but making your DD miss out on going to the park too sounds spiteful and unnecessary.

midnightmisssuki · 01/05/2018 13:12

Your sister sounds awful - had she any children? This is not the way to handle a tantrum at all. Your poor daughter, she’s only little and will be so confused by what her Aunty is doing.

Trinity66 · 01/05/2018 13:14

I probably wouldn't let her take my kids away alone at all if that's how she treats them, she sounds kind of cruel, 3 is still a baby really

lardymclardy · 01/05/2018 13:14

Tell your sister to fuck off and stay at home whilst you take ALL of your children to the park - have fun!

IsItThatTimeAlready131 · 01/05/2018 13:14

I wouldn't be letting her take either child without you being there, you have no idea how she is going to discipline\punish either of your children if they misbehave (in her eyes) while they are out.

I think you need to put her right as to not punishing your dd again, and make sure she knows it is you who will sort out disciplining your own children and she can leave well alone.

Sparkletastic · 01/05/2018 13:15

I'd tell her that her stay with you has run its course tbh.

DragonsAndCakes · 01/05/2018 13:16

I also wouldn’t leave my children alone with her.

Fruitcorner123 · 01/05/2018 13:16

she sounds kind of cruel,

That's a little harsh if she hasnt got children of her own? Perhaps the tantrum was the first she has experienced and she was quite taken aback. She is the Ops sister so I imagine she is just trying to support her sister but in this case has got it wrong.

Original poster
upsideup · 01/05/2018 13:24

Thanks, I'll say none will be going.
Sister doesnt have any children. I didnt need to do anything else about the tantrum, she sat on the floor and stomped her feet so I asked her what was wrong, she wanted a drink so we went and got her a drink, she said thankyou and sat nicely drinking her drink and eating her breakfast, there was no need for any punishment by me.

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 01/05/2018 13:25

Tell your sister these are your children and she doesn’t get to discipline them. If she has a query about whether or not dd should get the chocolate, she should ask. As for going to the park, that’s awful. Your sister clearly doesn’t have a clue about child rearing. If she doesn’t stop now, I think you will have to tell her to stop or to leave.

KittyHawke80 · 01/05/2018 13:27

I hate this shit. One day, my four-year-old was effing about and being a pain, as we were preparing to go to the park. I called up the stairs that I’d take his big brother and baby sister to the park, and leave him behind with his granny, if he didn’t pick up the pace. Thirty seconds later, and comes barrelling down the stairs, pulling his jumper over his head so he almost bloody stumbled down them, and wailing that he couldn’t find his other shoe: he was almost puce with distress.
I’ve seldom felt so disgusted with myself. I’m not that well-off, and he’s not a spoilt child. Threatening to withhold a trip to the park was low- that’s not how to deal with bad behaviour. I’d make it clear to your sister, if she’s childless, that very deliberately withholding chocolate and trips, is not on. If she’s not, she should know better.

LorelaiRoryEmily · 01/05/2018 13:28

That's not even a tantrum @upsideup, that's a little girl trying to communicate, I wouldn't let your sister take any of them anywhere and I'd make sure to get a little treat for her as she wasn't given one with the others this morning. It's none of your sisters business and totally not her place to interfere like that. Poor little thing

zippey · 01/05/2018 13:30

You handled it well. Not all bad behaviour needs a punishment.

Returnofthesmileybar · 01/05/2018 13:33

That's not a tantrum!! Yabu to not have pulled her up on it when she dished out the chocolate, tell her her power trips have no place in your house and to wind her neck in

pointythings · 01/05/2018 13:37

You handled the non-tantrum completely appropriately and you need to have firm words with your sister about who is in charge of your DCs. And no, she does not get to pick and choose who she takes to the park. To be honest I'd have vetoed her not giving your 3yo the chocolate as well.

TheVanguardSix · 01/05/2018 13:39

That's not even a tantrum @upsideup, that's a little girl trying to communicate

And this: Not all bad behaviour needs a punishment.

A mother gave me advice many, many years ago: When raising kids, focus less on discipline itself and more on the root of the word discipline: discipulus- disciple, pupil.

This will be tough on your relationship with your sister if she carries on treating your kids this way, specifically, your DD. I'm wondering if there's some envy going on (no excuse, but it's always helpful to understand a situation better).