Sister punishing my 3 year old

[upsideup]

My sister has come to stay with us for a few days. This morning 3 year old dd had a little tantrum which was it was over within a minute and was pretty standard tired, hungry 3 year old behaviour, I had sorted it and dd was sat nicely eating her breakfast.
Sis hadnt seen any of the kids since easter so had brought them all a chocolate gift, she handed out the older 3 theres at breakfast in front of dd and told her she wasnt going to get hers yet because she had been naughty.

Since then dd has as far as I am concerned has been well behaved. After lunch my Sis had been planning to take both 4 year old ds and dd to the park but now is saying she is only going to be taking ds again beause dd had been naughty this morning.

AIBU to say she takes none of them or both of them and doesnt need to be punishing dd for behaviour I have already dealt with or since she is taking them out alone should she be allowed to take only the 'good' child like she wants to?

I'd have stepped in at the chocolate tbh.

I completely understand that someone like Olivia or the OP's sister may have a different view on rearing children and punishments to me. And they are completely free to rear their own children as they wish. I don't think a 3 year old's tantrum deserves multiple punishments and I think multiple people disciplining a child is confusing and ineffective.

If my sister was minding my child for the afternoon by herself, she is free to deal with any bad behaviour as she decides (obviously if she hit them or went over the top, I'd just stop her having them by herself). But having all the adults chime in when a child misbehaves is one of the things that annoys me most. My dh has much younger brothers and when we were dating I would watch as every adult in the room, including their brothers, would chorus and repeat whatever their mother had said to them. It was like white noise - completely counter productive.

I can't understand your sister either - the last thing I wanted to do with my nephews and nieces was to discipline or punish them.

I think multiple people disciplining a child is confusing and ineffective.

Yes, I 100% agree with this. If you're minding them, you discipline as needed. In a scenario where more than one adult with authority is present, one of you does it and the others do no more than back him/her up (as appropriate). So if my niece, SIL and I were all together, I might be the one to pull her up e.g. Niece, be gentle with the baby, Niece, can you say please? But if she needs an actual punishment/discipline and her mums there, her mum does it. I dont watch that unfold and then later say 'I saw you were naughty earlier so therefore no x'. The situation's been resolved, or not, between them. Equally I wouldn't expect the parents to impose any extra punishment later if I'd dealt with something while in charge.

I do discipline my neices and nephews if their parents don’t; why can’t I? If I’m good enough for their parents to accept my money and presents and time and trusted enough to he used as a baby sitter, then I have EARNED my right to tell them off when needed.

No, she's not been fair. Your lo is too young to relate something she did hours ago to been excluded like this much later on. I think small children need to be dealt with swiftly if they are playing up and then you move on and start afresh. Your lo will just be hurt and confused and it will not change her behaviour other than to possibly make it worse as she acts out in her confusion over the matter. You can't stay mad at such a small child, it's just mean.

It is not your sister's place to discipline your child, especially after you had already dealt with it. Withholding the chocolate from a 3 year old whilst making a presentation to the others at breakfast was downright cruel. Who the hell gives out Easter eggs to kids when they're eating breakfast? She appeared( in my opinion) to enjoy the power. Also how dare she continue to punish by refusing to take the child to park with the others. I wouldn't be letting her anywhere near my children. You need to stand up to her. She sounds like a spiteful bully.

I do discipline my neices and nephews if their parents don’t; why can’t I? If I’m good enough for their parents to accept my money and presents and time and trusted enough to he used as a baby sitter, then I have EARNED my right to tell them off when needed.

So if their parents for whatever reason decided not to say something you would over ride their decision and step in and do it anyway because buying presents buys you the right to discipline a child even if their parents don't think it necessary?