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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want separate beds

79 replies

Gigigigigi · 30/04/2018 20:40

I’ve been living with my DP for almost a year and I just can’t understand how people can share a bed and get a good night’s sleep.

We have full on arguments about the sides of the bed and going ‘over’ sides. We are not big people but it feels there isn’t enough room. Even worse, his breathing when he sleeps drives me up the wall. It’s so nasally and keeps me up.

We are now thinking we would be happier with separate beds, even separate rooms. Is that weird? Can a happy couple sleep on separate beds?

OP posts:
Stormwhale · 30/04/2018 20:42

I chose to go for a superking bed and wear earplugs. It keeps the feeling of closeness and I'm no longer tempted to murder him in his sleep.

Trinity66 · 30/04/2018 20:43

Whatever works for you I guess, every couple is different. I never thought I'd be able to share a bed but I'd hate not to have him there now Grin

Bluelady · 30/04/2018 20:45

Sharing a normal double is misery. Our bed's huge and it makes all the difference.

Magmatic80 · 30/04/2018 20:47

Separate duvets after 3 months living together changed our lives. We got a king sized bed after three years and that’s even better. Maybe give these a go first? Also, try switching sides, it turns out I prefer sleeping on my right side, which means I’m facing the edge of the bed. I couldn’t believe how much better if sleep when we’re that way round. Yanbu, DP breathes through his mouth a lot and it drives me insane when it’s straight in my face.

Idontdowindows · 30/04/2018 20:49

We had that, and then we got a bed that's 2 metres wide :)

BettyBaggins · 30/04/2018 20:49

I couldnt do it. Share a bed all night, every night, just no. It's mine.

Bel04 · 30/04/2018 20:51

I love cuddling up. We have a tiny bed but make it work by taking it in turns to spoon each other.

DoubleHelix79 · 30/04/2018 20:53

We've got two single beds side by side, with separate duvets. DH is really sensitive when it comes to sleeping in the same room with anyone else. Took him a year or two to even get used to that arrangement without waking up constantly. At first I took it really personally but now I quite like my own space.

Asteria36 · 30/04/2018 20:57

DH and I would love to have another bedroom so we could sleep separately during the week and together at weekends. We have struggled for 5 years like this and it is hell. Our intermediate solution is a bed each and a duvet each, pushed together. When dh's children visit their mother every other weekend we have three nights off each others snoring which is bliss!

Shoxfordian · 30/04/2018 20:57

We have separate bedrooms. Both sleep really well, everything good, get to stretch out. It's lovely.

Tararhu · 30/04/2018 20:59

Do whatever is right for you. I like sharing most of the time but I love the odd night even oh goes into the spare room and gives me peace!

Mum2jenny · 30/04/2018 21:01

Super king is the way forward although changing the bedding is a serious bitch!

Mybabystolemysanity · 30/04/2018 21:02

Just bought house with master bedroom big enough for two king beds. Trying to persuade DH to get another one so I can cosleep in safety with new baby. Would also do two separate single duvets on a double.

Fatted · 30/04/2018 21:04

We had two singles pushed together with separate duvets when we first moved in together. It took me a good while to get used to sharing with someone else. I hated it!

SoozC · 30/04/2018 21:06

We have a king-size bed with an expensive memory-foam mattress so one can get up in the night without disturbing the other. I hate sleeping in doubles when we go away. Those 6" make all the difference! Wink

Re. the sound, though, DH mostly sleeps facing away from me and I wear hearing aids so noise doesn't really disturb me, fortunately.

bluerunningshoes · 30/04/2018 21:06

superking bed
separate matreses
single duvets

IrregularCommentary · 30/04/2018 21:07

We have a zip lock super king. Only way I've not murdered him in his sleep.

Ylvamoon · 30/04/2018 21:08

*bluerunningshoes

superking bed
separate matreses
single duvets*

Same here! Best thing we have done.

bigsighall · 30/04/2018 21:10

Same as bluerunningshoes
Also white noise machine to drown out his snoring Grin

ScreenQueen · 30/04/2018 21:13

Also super king, memory foam mattress, separate duvets....

speakout · 30/04/2018 21:13

OH and I have separate rooms.

And a very happy relationship.

R3ALLY · 30/04/2018 21:14

I would LOVE seperate rooms. I'm a really light sleeper and need lots of sleep. OH snores, sleeps barely 6 hours per night - oh and there's the couple of middle of the night toilet trips too. Drives me mad. Sometimes I go into DS's room and sleep in the bottom bunk but it's not ideal. I would love my own space back!!

trinity0097 · 30/04/2018 21:14

Super king bed, no need to have to go near each other when you are sleeping.

user1486076969 · 30/04/2018 21:15

Having done the superking with separate duvets we've progressed to separate rooms......blissGrin

LockedOutOfMN · 30/04/2018 21:15

We have a king sized bed and our own choices of pillow. Where we live is quite warm so duvets etc. are less of an issue except for in the depths of winter when we have separate single duvets, of our own preferred tog. It's perfect!

Although it ruins you for sleeping in hotels.