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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not make my DS get dressed if he doesn't want to...

78 replies

GoJetterGirl · 30/04/2018 16:45

So, those of you who know my situation will understand why my DS doesn't always want to get dressed, the poor boy is terminally ill, spends the day in pain at the best of times and some days all he wants is a "pyjama day".

The inlaws were on FaceTime just now and decided to keep asking him why "mummy hasn't bothered to get you dressed" DS ignored them and went off to do something else, clearly annoyed that they want him to get dressed!

So they start on me, "that boy should be dressed, what will people think!?" Fwiw, the only "people" who will be visiting is the palliative care nurse, DS's home tutor (who always compliments him on how comfy he looks in his PJ's) and friends, AIBU to tell them to get to fuck that my job is hard enough trying to keep DS comfortable at the best of times and I don't need to make his life any more uncomfortable if I do t need to and I'm not being lazy. Getting him changed involved massive logistics (think feeding tubes and pain relief pumps etc).

I should just tell them to piss off shoujdnt I?!

OP posts:
RosaBaby2 · 30/04/2018 16:47

Absolutely tell them to fuck right off!

sugaraddedlater · 30/04/2018 16:47

Definitely tell them to piss off!

SneakyGremlins · 30/04/2018 16:48

Tell them the bit you struck through and nothing else Wink

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 30/04/2018 16:48

I think I’d email them about it. Say if it’s an issue and they can’t accept him there’ll be no more FaceTime except when he’s dressed. Arseholes.

Aprilmightbemynewname · 30/04/2018 16:48

Fuck off Monday - Friday
And Piss Off on a week end.
You are doing a grand job op. Flowers

Original poster
GoJetterGirl · 30/04/2018 16:48

Thank you lovely lovely vipers I was beginning to wonder if the lack of sleep was affecting my ability to think rationally

OP posts:
AmazingPostVoices · 30/04/2018 16:49

I’m so sorry you are having to deal with such nonsense on top of everything else.

Get your DH to call his parents and tell them that if they can’t conduct themselves appropriately they won’t have any more FaceTimes.

Flowers
Almondsupreme · 30/04/2018 16:49

They can fuck off

Merryoldgoat · 30/04/2018 16:49

I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with this.

Of course you aren’t being unreasonable. Tell your in laws very firmly it’s none of their business and you don’t care what they or anyone else thinks.

Original poster
GoJetterGirl · 30/04/2018 16:50

If I told them they can only FaceTime on a day he's dressed, theyd never see him! actually, that's a bloody good bit of advice

OP posts:
gamerwidow · 30/04/2018 16:51

Can only echo what all the other posters have said. Your only responsibility is to make sure he is as comfortable and happy as you can make him. Other people's expectations and judgements can fuck right off.

BlueTrousers · 30/04/2018 16:54

What arseholes!
Next time I’d answer the FaceTime and say “sorry DS isn’t dressed to your standards today you can’t possibly see a child in their pyjamas” and hang up
And repeat every time until they get how utterly ridiculous they are

Flowers
Pebblespony · 30/04/2018 16:56

Tell them it's pyjamas or starkers

Ilovewillow · 30/04/2018 16:56

Your only responsibility is your son so absolutely tell them to piss off!

Haberpop · 30/04/2018 16:56

They have no idea do they. He is 'dressed', they need to wind their necks in.

Sirzy · 30/04/2018 16:57

His comfort comes way above anything they say or think! How anyone could judge what someone going through that is wearing is beyond me!

popcorneveryminute · 30/04/2018 16:58

Give me their number and I'll tell them to fuck off for you Wink

Thanks for you and your DS

CampariSpritz · 30/04/2018 16:58

Oh OP, you don’t need this on top of everything else. Tell them to sod off: his comfort is the priority. Sending you Flowers

TwoFs · 30/04/2018 16:58

I think you should make sure the next time they FaceTime that you’re also in PJ’s. See how they like that! Arseholes indeed!

RebelRogue · 30/04/2018 16:59

How can anyone care what he is wearing or what people would think in a situation like this?
Bonkers!!

MarthasGinYard · 30/04/2018 17:01

Yanbu

Infact I'd pop yours on for their next face time just for effect WinkThanks

NoParticularPattern · 30/04/2018 17:02

If he doesn’t want to get dressed then he doesn’t want to get dressed! Jesus Christ there are still days when I spend all day in my PJs and I’m not a terminally ill child!! Definitely tell them to get to fuck. I’m not sure when FaceTime brought in a dress code?!?!

Orchidflower1 · 30/04/2018 17:04

How dare they moan! So sorry you’re going through all of this. Even if a child was fit and well, a grandparent should just be pleased to talk them regardless of what they’re wearing. Ignore and concentrate on what’s important your immiduate family 💐

Orchidflower1 · 30/04/2018 17:05
  • immediate not some weird word!
SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 30/04/2018 17:08

I think I would be very blunt with them (out of ds’s hearing) -

“PIL - ds1 is terminally ill. Do you really want to spend what time you do have left nagging him about getting dressed, or would you like to do something better with the time?”