To not make my DS get dressed if he doesn't want to...

[GoJetterGirl]

So, those of you who know my situation will understand why my DS doesn't always want to get dressed, the poor boy is terminally ill, spends the day in pain at the best of times and some days all he wants is a "pyjama day".

The inlaws were on FaceTime just now and decided to keep asking him why "mummy hasn't bothered to get you dressed" DS ignored them and went off to do something else, clearly annoyed that they want him to get dressed!

So they start on me, "that boy should be dressed, what will people think!?" Fwiw, the only "people" who will be visiting is the palliative care nurse, DS's home tutor (who always compliments him on how comfy he looks in his PJ's) and friends, AIBU to tell them to get to fuck that my job is hard enough trying to keep DS comfortable at the best of times and I don't need to make his life any more uncomfortable if I do t need to and I'm not being lazy. Getting him changed involved massive logistics (think feeding tubes and pain relief pumps etc).

I should just tell them to piss off shoujdnt I?!

Can only echo the rallying cries of fuck the fuck off.

Massive unmumsnetty hugs for you and your DS.

*Today 16:58 TwoFs

I think you should make sure the next time they FaceTime that you’re also in PJ’s. See how they like that! Arseholes indeed!*

'Twas the case today, to be fair I was up at 12, 3, and 5 medicating DS and checking his feed intake etc

They can piss right off

hugs to you all.

Bloody hell, if he wants to wear his pyjamas then to hell with what anyone else thinks!

Have they never fancied staying in pjs when poorly? YADNBU and your son is old enough to decide for himself- comfort being his priority. There is also a whole subsection of nightwear called loungewear. There's a definite tween/teen market for it, too. Tell them he's in his "lounge wear" and to get with the times.

Off. They. Fuck.

It takes a special kind of twat to notice stuff like this, much less comment on it. I can't think of one single reason why your son shouldn't have everything possible the way he wants it.
I'm so sorry you are in this position and that these people are annoying you instead of properly supporting you.

get him a tuxedo style onsie, posh then isn't he

Tell them to fuck of and stop the FaceTime. They are making this such a difficult time for you-as if it's not hard enough. There is no place for anyone who isnt in your corner.

Good lord, the idea that they can say the words "mummy hasn't bothered..." without also instantly bursting into flames from the sheer audacity of it is just astounding.

You and your DS can decide together however the fuck he gets dressed on any given day, whether that's in pjs, outdoor clothes, or indeed anything else that takes his fancy. It's his comfort that matters.

What "people will think" is of no import at all, but what people will think in any case is that you are considering his wishes and making life as comfortable for him as you can.

PS it's freezing cold in my flat today so I answered the door to a politician wearing a huge furry Chewbacca-themed dressing gown over my clothes, despite the fact that I'm at the older end of middle-aged, and he didn't run screaming in horror. Who pays attention to clothes when they want to speak to someone?

'I am extremely upset and angry that you are more concerned about what "people" will think than your very ill grandson's comfort. For clarification, the only people who see him are those who understand that what he wears is of no importance compared to keeping him as happy and pain free as possible. It is a long, complicate and painful job to change his clothes and I am not going to put him through that for no good reason. You are upsetting him by mentioning it so I must insist that you do not bring it up again, if you do then I will have no choice but to stop the face time conversations.'

or, more succinctly

'Fuck off you thoughtless heartless basards'

OP

Hard to believe some people are so unbelievably dense.

I remember your previous threads, your PIL are a special breed of inhuman dicks

Of course YANBU. Your son being as comfortable and as happy as possible are the only important things right now. If he wants a pj day at home then do it! It hurts absolutely no one, and will make him happy.

Oh OP I'm so sorry to hear how poorly your DS is, poor lad

I cannot even begin to comprehend that someone, chatting to a terminally ill grandchild would find him wearing pyjamas to be a problem, let alone what anyone else would think about it. No sane person would give a fuck what he's wearing.

Oh FFS it's fairly traditional that an unwell person can stay in PJs and always has been. (Just realised that I haven't actually got dressed today, but then I haven't been out of the house). They sound like fucking idiots - have they always been horrible? Or is it possibly the case that they are distressed at the fact that their grandson is terminally ill and (as people sometimes do in a difficult situation) are fixating on something unimportant as a way of trying to take back control over the situation?

Tell them you don't give a shake of a rat's wiener, and to fuck right off.

All I can think is that they are in denial and have failed to comprehend the reality of your situation. Keep taking care of yourself and your son, and have a big virtual hug from me.

I would just ignore them and take no further calls. Why are they not with you supporting you both!! Utter bastards

Would you like to send us their contact details and we can send them a massive collective fuck of?

for you OP.

My default reaction to their criticism will now be yanking the internet router out of the wall, and if I'm feeling vindictive, I'll block them off of the iPad...

Along with the classic MN line "do you mean to be so rude?"

I’ve been on some of your other threads. I’m surprised you’re even still talking to these people. They’ve shown time and time again they have no concept of what it is to have a very ill child or to be very ill.

Does your ds enjoy having contact with them?

Lots of hugs x

Does your ds enjoy having contact with them?

He does, probably only because they're mental ages are almost the same 🙄

Their* even, no sleep + typing doesn't mix well...

It sounds as if they have no idea what you or your child are dealing with on a day to day basis. Can your husband have a very blunt conversation with them (after all, they are his parents)?

. Aww bless. Well as long as he’s happy, that’s all that matters.