Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

To not make my DS get dressed if he doesn't want to...

78 replies

GoJetterGirl · 30/04/2018 16:45

So, those of you who know my situation will understand why my DS doesn't always want to get dressed, the poor boy is terminally ill, spends the day in pain at the best of times and some days all he wants is a "pyjama day".

The inlaws were on FaceTime just now and decided to keep asking him why "mummy hasn't bothered to get you dressed" DS ignored them and went off to do something else, clearly annoyed that they want him to get dressed!

So they start on me, "that boy should be dressed, what will people think!?" Fwiw, the only "people" who will be visiting is the palliative care nurse, DS's home tutor (who always compliments him on how comfy he looks in his PJ's) and friends, AIBU to tell them to get to fuck that my job is hard enough trying to keep DS comfortable at the best of times and I don't need to make his life any more uncomfortable if I do t need to and I'm not being lazy. Getting him changed involved massive logistics (think feeding tubes and pain relief pumps etc).

I should just tell them to piss off shoujdnt I?!

OP posts:

April229 · 30/04/2018 17:33

What pricks.

“Hasn’t mummy bothered to dress you” when you have so much on your plate. I would be tempted to remind them how much you age to do to care for him and make him comfortable. And then tell them to fuck off, or not bother FaceTiming.

Caribou58 · 30/04/2018 17:38

"What will people think" - ah yes, the only criterion you should be concerned with in caring for a terminally ill (I'm so sorry, by the way) child.

I would, I think, definitely tell them to fuck off.

Nomorechickens · 30/04/2018 17:38

Try not to waste your energy getting angry at them - just terminate the connection every time they say something stupid like that. Then try to put it out of your mind. (I know, easier said than done.)

Touchmybum · 30/04/2018 17:48

There's an 'off' button on FaceTime for a reason - use it. Insensitive stupid fuckers!

My heart goes out to you, and I don't know you. They must be some special breed of arsehole!

Ignore them. Your little boy gets to decide whatever he wants xx

Goldmandra · 30/04/2018 17:51

Can you get some PJs made with a special message just for them?

"Love me, love my PJs"?

Goldmandra · 30/04/2018 17:52

"Comfy PJs make life worth living"

MyotherUsernameisaPun · 30/04/2018 17:54

Tell them there is no distance to which they could fuck off that would put enough distance between you and that kind of commentary.

You and your DS can decide whatever you like, whenever you like in terms of what makes him happy and comfortable.

Sending

NapQueen · 30/04/2018 17:55

Good grief. If my son were terminally ill and wanted to wear a pair of wellies, my nightie and the reindeer ears headband from the dress up box every day id embrace the shit out of that. And woe betide anyone who tried to reason with me.

GnusSitOnCanoes · 30/04/2018 17:57

Good god, they can get to fuck. for you, OP, and love to your DS.

IamaBluebird · 30/04/2018 18:01

Let your boy wear his pjs all day every day. What ever makes him comfy. Your in-laws can swivel, what are they thinking.

LightDrizzle · 30/04/2018 18:03

Where is their son in all this? If it were my parents, they’d have scorched ears and be told not to speak to my husband like that again if they ever want to see me again.
They are unspeakable.

BodgingThisMumThing · 30/04/2018 18:06

How bloody ridiculous! Every child I know has “pyjama” days. A little boy went to the child minders in pyjamas the other day, clean ones, he just didn’t fancy wearing jeans. If they’re clean and fed I really don’t see the problem, and in your situation I’d just laugh in their faces and tell them to fuck right off to the far side of fuck.

I’m sure you’re doing a grand job!

Ellendegeneres · 30/04/2018 18:11

gojetter I cant believe after the last load of shit they gave you that you’re so accommodating as to even still listen to their voices. They’re cunts.
Send them a blank piece of paper, folded many times. Into the paper pour glitter.
Repeat for a month.

They’re absolute cunts. You are doing amazing and your ds is dressed- as I repeatedly tell dm when she moans about ds having a pj day- he got dressed, into his slouchies (what ds calls pjs) and is comfortable- so who gives a flying fuck what anyone else thinks!

ReginaBlitzkreig · 30/04/2018 18:13

What twisted priorities, really!

Plus, why on earth waste their precious time with him getting digs in about you?

My grandmother was like this. If we'd all survived the apocalypse her first words on being pulled out of the rubble would probably have been "Eh, fancy, have you not ironed your blouse?"

You just have to arrange your setting to "Don't care + won't acknowledge" and get on with things.

I can do you mates rates on a couple of voodoo dolls though, if you like?

Jengnr · 30/04/2018 18:21

Quite frankly, if my child was terminally ill they could have whatever the fuck they wanted. PJs would be the thin end of the wedge.

Your inlaws can fuck right off.

sockunicorn · 30/04/2018 18:23

Theres a block button on facetime. I would use it. It clearly offends them that your DS is in his PJs, and you wouldnt want to offend them surely.

Wallywobbles · 30/04/2018 18:23

I'd go for the "Can you not understand how unhelpful that is?" variation.

AsAProfessionalFekko · 30/04/2018 18:26

I would be so tempted next Skype call to dress him up in a tux and bow tie. And a top hat.

Original poster

GoJetterGirl · 30/04/2018 20:13

Just had a word with DH, more like a tearful shit fit and he's dutifully torn his parents a new arsehole, he's told DS that nanny and pappy are busy for the rest of the week and can't FaceTime and told me that he doesn't care that DS is in PJs, as long as he gets a new set on at least every 24 hours... (as if I'd leave him in dirty pjs 🙄) I've also told him that I've blocked their numbers on the house and mobile and I won't be taking to them as I'm too busy making sure our DS is comfortable and able to enjoy the time he has left with us.

OP posts:

AmazingPostVoices · 30/04/2018 20:27

Mummyoflittledragon · 30/04/2018 20:44

Good on your dh. God knows how he’s come out relatively unscathed with parents like this!

CampariSpritz · 30/04/2018 20:47

I’m glad to hear your DH has your back (as any sane person would). You don’t need this on top of what you are facing.

ChickenVindaloo2 · 30/04/2018 20:54

When I read your title I was like "YABU - children need discipline and to be taught they need to do things they don't want to do sometimes".
But now, having read your post, all your boy needs is love and comfort. You're doing a wonderful job. (And btw don't hate on the PIL too much - they're probably just struggling themselves and not dealing with things too well - after all, they're seeing both their son and grandson in a bad way). And as you say, if they are clean PJs, that's fine. I know if I'm ill (not comparable I know) but I do feel icky if I've not showered and put clean stuff on.

formerbabe · 30/04/2018 20:55

You don't need shit like this to deal with op....

I don't know you but you and your son are in my thoughts

Mandraki · 01/05/2018 07:33

If he is terminally ill he doesn’t have to do anything he doesn’t want.

Flip

1 2 3 4