To be silently sobbing in bed so as not to wake DS

[queenbiy]

I've just posted a thread RE postnatal depression and around 6 minutes later received no replies, totally normal as it's half ten on a Sunday but for some reason this has just set me right off and it's like a switch that can't be turned off. I'm sobbing. The tiniest thing sets me off and I feel weak. I'm trying not to wake DS but the thought of getting up in the morning and parenting is making the sob fest ten times worse. I honestly feel like I cannot even function, let alone take care of a whole other life. All over a bloody mumsnet thread. I know IABU but please, talk some sense into me...

Well for some reason all the sadness has just come rushing back, the baby is fussing I know that he's tired but he just doesn't seem to be getting any comfort from me and he doesn't seem to want to sleep. I feel like I've let my self down as I was having such a better day and now feel on the verge of tears again

I remember this stage well OP and 7months was the worst month for me, I literally hated it.
It will get better, it will get easier, I promise, babies can’t talk or tell you why they are crying and it’s relentless and tiring.

But it won’t be like this forever, in a few years you will be saying “get in your pjs” they will say “ok mummy, I love you”. And your heart will melt.

A mumsnetter said to me when I posted a thread when my DS was 7 months old that you are either a baby lover or a toddler lover and I am definitely a toddler lover.

And your baby is getting comfort from you, he just can’t tell you what’s wrong, he might have a headache, a sore throat, ear ache etc but they just whinge and fuss. It sucks.

Just cuddle him and sit and mumsnet, or whatever you think will work. If he is fed, dry and dressed you are winning.

It will come out of nowhere just when you think you've got a handle on things.

You're not causing any of these emotions and they can be fixed.

I know it's so much easier said then done but try to remember that babies are often fussy and unsettled, especially at that age, and sometimes nothing will make them stay quiet and content so you can try to process your feelings. That isn't anything to do with your ability to settle your child - your mind is making you read into things.

I see you have a GP appointment - I hope it goes well and that you keep posting here and updating us on how you're feeling.

You are not alone - we are here, many of us have been where you are and come out the other side so understand how you are feeling but also want to help you out of it

You haven't let yourself down! You've had a great day - made docs appt, kept busy, kept the tears at bay. Now it's the end of a long day and baby is doing what babies do - the unpredictable and the illogical.
Wallow for a bit if it helps, but give yourself a break and a hug. You've done well today. Tomorrow is another day.

Thanks everyone, I can't believe how much it helps feeling like I have a place to vent and get support from. I've had a good cry and a cuppa, DS is napping now so I'm just going to try and get some rest and chat to DP about how I'm feeling

It's always worse in the evening. You are tired and getting to the point where you just need a bit of a break. Is your DP there? Can he take over and let you go and have a bath or something?

Is there something you can plan for tomorrow that you might look forward to? Meeting up with a friend or going for a coffee at a local place?

Glad you have a doctors appointment. I would second the people telling you that medication really does work. I also made sure I was exercising at least every other day (not excessively just a walk or whatever), taking vitamin D, and getting some down time to read or watch a nice film each day. Also try to have some time alone each day to think/meditate/pray or whatever helps you (the bath can be a good time for this). Sometimes you can forget about yourself when you have a baby.

I get how you feel and my heart goes out to you.

I also had PND with DS1 ( and survived to eventually have DS2- and no PND!)
For me , it was completely chemical/ hormonal, then exacerbated by lack of sleep.I don't think counselling would have helped, except for having a sympathetic individual to listen to me. That's because there was no reason for my depression that counselling could resolve.
I just needed antidepressants to get through, until my chemicals rebalanced themselves. This i'm afraid to say took 2 years. But the antidepressants took the sharp edge off and I managed to keep going.
I'm only saying this to speak up for antidepressants. Sometimes they get a bad press, but they got me through.
One day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time.
xx

Sending you a hug and a handhold lass

Eight years ago I was exactly where you are now. I felt like a complete failure and so sad for DS that he had landed such a rubbish mum.
It's taken a while but things are great now. I have a lovely, lovely, lovely wee boy who I didn't ruin (and he's got an equally lovely wee brother ).
Its hard to see a way out when you are in the throws of PND but you've taken the first steps, just keep going, day after day and one day it'll will be better x

Glad you’ve made a GP appointment OP. Having a baby can be exhausting. Remember, sleep deprivation is used as a torture method.

My advice would be to get enough rest as you can. I used to leave DS downstairs with DH and go to bed at 7.30 some evenings. He’d then bring him up to me for his ‘last’ feed but having a few extra hours of sleep made all the difference.

As someone else said, find something that makes you feel good. An early night, a bath, an episode of your favourite tv show.

Is your DP supportive?

You’re not alone - I’m sure many Mums have felt, and do feel like you. Things will get easier.

How did you get on With the GP? Hope it was a positive appointment for you.

Thank you so much OP for starting this thread. I have a 5 month old and a toddler and am feeling very much the same as you and it's been good to read all the responses you had. I haven't had the courage to speak to a Dr, or for that matter anyone apart from my DH. Everyone else thinks everything is fine. I'm just muddling through and getting through the days hoping something will miraculously change.

Really hope your appointment went well and things start to get a little better for you soon. Just wanted to let you know you're not alone.

@queenbiy did the GP appointment help?

And don't beat yourself up when you have a bad day

happinesssquared one of the first things my doctor said to me when I saw him was how I had made the biggest step towards getting better by seeing him. It's so true. I would really encourage you to go.

how are you now queenbiy

I've been in the same place. It's hard but it gets better. You are not alone. Xxxxxxxxx

Hi the appointment didn't go the best, the GP basically said I'm just tired (spoke to me for all of two minutes) but I can self refer for counselling meaning I'd have to wait 9 months minimum. I've been advised to go back though and request a different GP again. Thanks for asking xx

OP you can request a different GP or speak to your HV who should be able to support you with this. There are people to help you with this out there.

I had terrible PND that wasn’t diagnosed until my baby was around 18 months. It was awful and such a relief once i started to be treated. Good luck

What bollocks. Like you don’t know the difference with being tired. My HV was supportive I found, or indeed a different GP. You’ve been very strong and I’m sorry you got such a shoddy response

You need a different GP. Mine told me that depression was an illness like any other and should be treated as such.

Op, I'm so sorry you've left the GP feeling like it didn't go well. I'd reiterate the advice from others suggesting you ask to see another GP. I know how shit that must feel after you've worked yourself up to the last appointment.

I would still self-refer. Sometimes it can be a shorter wait if you're happy to have group sessions which is better than nothing!

How are you feeling today?

I also think talking to your HV is a good idea. Being over tired can make you feel low as well, but it sounds like the GP was very dismissive.

I hope you get the help you need soon (and more sleep)

Keep going back until they listen.

Do you manage to get out and see friends/do groups every day? They were my lifeline.

Get an emergency appointment with another GP.

Tell them you are NOT ‘just tired’ and that you need help NOW.

When you feel strong enough, put in a complaint re the GP as they could tip someone over the edge with that shit attitude.

Tell your DP & Mum the reality is you have PND and their attitudes are making it worse. Tell them what you need from them. If your Mum can’t say/do anythung more helpful than say ‘Snap out of it’ tell her to stay away.