Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be silently sobbing in bed so as not to wake DS

105 replies

queenbiy · 29/04/2018 22:41

I've just posted a thread RE postnatal depression and around 6 minutes later received no replies, totally normal as it's half ten on a Sunday but for some reason this has just set me right off and it's like a switch that can't be turned off. I'm sobbing. The tiniest thing sets me off and I feel weak. I'm trying not to wake DS but the thought of getting up in the morning and parenting is making the sob fest ten times worse. I honestly feel like I cannot even function, let alone take care of a whole other life. All over a bloody mumsnet thread. I know IABU but please, talk some sense into me...

OP posts:
elouhou · 30/04/2018 00:02
Flowers I care. Please try your best to sleep now and ring your gp as soon as they open; you have an illness they can and should help you with very easily. PND is a bastard - I've been on anti-depressants since Christmas and it made such a difference (thankfully) almost straight away. The nights are the worst; your head becomes a lonely and dark place but it can and will get better.
Original poster
queenbiy · 30/04/2018 00:10

I can’t thank everyone enough for all the amazingly supportive replies. I will update tomorrow with hopefully good news from the GP Flowers

OP posts:
DamsonGin · 30/04/2018 00:20

Glad you're going to call the GP, hope you get some decent sleep tonight Flowers

anon99827 · 30/04/2018 00:28

My heart goes out to you I'm in the same boat and know exactly how you feel. My LO is only 3mo. Some days are better than others. Try to look at tomorrow as a new day.

Please please please make an appt to see GP, you will get the help you need

Try to make time for yourself if possible. Do you have anyone who could watch your baby for a few hours? Or go for a sleepover at their nanas? Treat yourself, get your nails done or have a long soak in a hot bubble bath with a trashy magazine.

💐 to you x

MakeItStopNeville · 30/04/2018 00:56

PND is often swept under the rug once you've got through the initial early stages. PLEASE go see your GP.

Well he is right you are not the only one but you are the only one he is married to! This is a million times over! There is literally no shame in having PND, it happens to millions of women the world over. Your DH needs to understand that you really need him to step up now. It doesn't matter if it doesn't fit into his ideal of how having a baby is, or if his colleague gave birth 10 billion times and didn't cry once, or if he doesn't think you have anything to cry about, or even if he thinks you're doing absolutely fine. You need some help and that's ok. I promise you x

Fruitcorner123 · 30/04/2018 09:58

Thinking of you today OP. Hope you got a doctors appointment and they have been supportive.

Mightymucks · 30/04/2018 09:59

Insist on medication. It is really helpful and just helps you climb out of the ‘hole’ you feel like you’re in.

FrazzledAndFeelingIt · 30/04/2018 10:48

How are you feeling today OP?

Lizzie48 · 30/04/2018 11:00

I've never had a baby from being a newborn, we adopted both our DDs from age 1. Looking back now, I had what's known as post adoption depression, feeling flat after the stress of the application process and then the transition of the child from foster care to permanency.

In the first weeks after DD2 came to us, we didn't bond straightaway. I was constantly crying and thinking it would never happen. She wouldn't even let me feed her her bottle. I convinced myself that we'd made a mistake and should give up. My DH tried to understand, but he didn't have that problem, as DD2 bonded with him immediately.

What really helped me was getting away one day and having a cup of tea in the Morrisons cafe. Just having some time on my own. It didn't immediately get better, but I never again wanted to throw in the towel. Then one early morning (she didn't sleep well, so it was 4:30, I think), I suddenly found myself holding her and giving her her bottle of milk, and she was no longer resisting. It was such a special moment.

It was exhausting, though. She was very clingy with me when DH was in work. I couldn't even leave her with my DM/ a friend so that I could go to the toilet. She would scream her head off. She would only let DH or me change her nappy. In the end, in desperation I put her into nursery for two mornings a week. The change was amazing. She cried when I left her the first few times, but she was all right after that. She's 6 now and we have an amazing bond now, but she can still be standoffish and with other adults and with DD1 (9), and has very firm boundaries.

It was one of the hardest times in my life. But what I take from it, and I think may help you, is that getting away on your own, even if only for a short while, can really help. Because sleep deprivation does things to your head and makes it feel like the walls are closing in on you. Maybe you could leave the baby with your mum for a few hours so you can catch up on your sleep or go for some retail therapy?

Meantime, hope it's gone well with the GP. Be kind to yourself. And your mum and DP need to be more supportive. ThanksThanks

Original poster
queenbiy · 30/04/2018 18:45

Hi everyone I've made a doctors appointment for Wednesday as its the soonest they had but I've tried to keep busy today and don't feel nearly as bad as yesterday. I've even managed to keep the tears at bay. Thanks so much for all the advice you can't understand how much it had helped me to feel better x

OP posts:
WhingyNinja · 30/04/2018 18:54

Happy to hear you're feeling a little better today SmileThanks

StarDanced · 30/04/2018 19:02

Flowers Glad to hear things are a little better today. You really are doing a great job. I did not have pnd but I was close with me ds. I struggled massively. It took me ages to get over the birth and my ds did not sleep, sleep deprivation makes everything worse. I cried loads. My ds is now 16months and an absolute delight but it has taken a long time to get to this point.
It does get easier but it is ok to cry. I'm glad you have a doctor's appointment. It is never too late to reach out. I was a bit timid to post in the first couple of months after ds was born, but I have found mumsnet to be a big help. Keep reaching out whenever you need support Flowers

AdaColeman · 30/04/2018 19:04

Glad you are feeling a bit brighter today queen, try to get some rest tonight, things always seem worse when you are exhausted, drink plenty of fluids too.
Smile Thanks

londonrach · 30/04/2018 19:05

Op. hugs. How old is ds. Who does he look like. You being amazing mum. You know that. Do you have someone close to you you can pop in and see. If not your local childrens centre will have mums who going through the same as you. Xxxx

londonrach · 30/04/2018 19:06

Op...what do you like. I found having a kinder egg and the surprise toy a day...really helped. X

SeaToSki · 30/04/2018 19:13

Hi. Just wanted to send you a hug too, depression sucks. I am so glad you are going to see your GP, please ask to have your thyroid levels checked, they can often go out of balance after childbirth and can really make you feel very down and hopeless. Also, make sure you are eating well, taking a good multivitamin and mineral supplement as well as a good amount of vitamin D. Its very easy to not take care of yourself when you have a new baby, but even more important now. Low levels of some vitamins won make you depressed, but they can add to the general malaise.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 30/04/2018 19:13

Well done OP for making the appointment, keep talking on here if you need to Flowers

LooksLikeImStuckHere · 30/04/2018 19:18

Glad you have an appointment and that you are feeling a bit better today.

We’re all here if you need to chat Smile

FairyFace · 30/04/2018 19:21

Hi Queensbiy, hope you feel a bit better today, those days are crap. Some days I have a good cry, for the smallest reason and it helps. I don't have pn depression but I suffer from anxiety . If you ever need to chat you can pm xx

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 30/04/2018 19:24

Thinking of you OP, and sending you love and strength.
Like everything else, this confusing, difficult time, will one day, be in your past. 💐🌸🌺

MilesHuntsWig · 30/04/2018 19:24

Brilliant. Glad you’re feeling better today.

Notevilstepmother · 30/04/2018 19:31

Well done for making an appointment.

If you do feel low on a weekend again, your local mental health trust will have an out of hours phone line, you can talk to someone on there.

Notevilstepmother · 30/04/2018 19:35

Maybe you could email this link to your DP?

www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/isnt-what-i-expected/201103/dads-what-do-what-not-do-when-your-wife-has-ppd

He could probably tell your mum to quit the “snap out of it” too.

Original poster
queenbiy · 30/04/2018 20:43

Thank you @notevil I definitely will

OP posts:
Wilberforce2 · 30/04/2018 20:43

Good luck at the Gp on Wednesday! I have been where you are and it's horrible, I sobbed in the dark for two hours one night because I text my friend and she hadn't replied (I text her at 3.30am). I honestly thought that she didn't care and she was the only person I could talk to about how I was feeling. After that I made an appointment with the gp, was diagnosed with PND and put on medication which took a few weeks to work but after that I was like a different person. My daughter is 4 now and we have an amazing relationship. Good luck, you will be fine x