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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be silently sobbing in bed so as not to wake DS

105 replies

queenbiy · 29/04/2018 22:41

I've just posted a thread RE postnatal depression and around 6 minutes later received no replies, totally normal as it's half ten on a Sunday but for some reason this has just set me right off and it's like a switch that can't be turned off. I'm sobbing. The tiniest thing sets me off and I feel weak. I'm trying not to wake DS but the thought of getting up in the morning and parenting is making the sob fest ten times worse. I honestly feel like I cannot even function, let alone take care of a whole other life. All over a bloody mumsnet thread. I know IABU but please, talk some sense into me...

OP posts:

Original poster

queenbiy · 29/04/2018 23:03

Wow so many lovely replies! I'm going to make an appointment with my GP first thing, failing that the health visitor is coming Friday so she might be able to help. I'm still with my partner but he doesn't seem to understand the whole "I don't really know why I'm crying" thing, he says I'm a good mum and that I'm not the only person to be a sahm with a grumpy baby so just get on with it (I think he's trying the tough love route). My Mum isn't the best, she's so desperate for me to be happy that she denies any kind of sadness on my part and tells me to snap out of it. Honestly thank you all so much. I'm no longer crying and I feel a bit more hopeful so that's a win for me

OP posts:

ghostyslovesheets · 29/04/2018 23:05

oh OP I just want to give you a lovely gentle hug x PND sucks - it really does - but it will get better with support and possibly medication

it's okay - hormone imbalance is horrible but it's fixable

don't cry - lots of us have been there and are here now

AhoyDelBoy · 29/04/2018 23:06

from 'Down Under'
I've just had a horrible night with my DD (also 7 mo old) so starting another day exhausted and flat. You're not alone. Hope you have a restful night and get on too your GP for help with your PND

WhingyNinja · 29/04/2018 23:09

Oh sweetheart. Holding your hand and giving you a hug It'll get easier as they get older and you've got yourself some counselling. You're not alone, as this thread shows you.

EllenRipley · 29/04/2018 23:10

It happens to aLOT of mothers and it DOES get better, I promise. Looking after a wee one is exhausting and often thankless. And when you add in lack of sleep, hormones and simply coping with the life change and responsibility it can create a perfect storm of anxiety, depression and fatigue. Go see a different GP and tell them you've got PND - that's your first step. Be open minded about medication, it can really help to get over this bump. Might even be worth asking for some bloods to get done - my ferritin levels were in my boots and it contributed to how awful I was feeling (and I think it can be commonly low in new mums too). Being honest with family and friends, if possible, is also important.

Don't panic and don't be hard on yourself, you will feel better x

NeedForBlossom · 29/04/2018 23:10

I had horrible PND, it does pass but do speak to your GP. I didn't and am surprised my marriage survived

And and for you x

AlexandraLeaving · 29/04/2018 23:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fruitcorner123 · 29/04/2018 23:11

That's fab news about the GP I would encourage you to make it urgent as I believe thats what this is. Your mental health is a serious matter. The health visitor may also be a good listener and will have experience of PND sufferers so hopefully will know how to listen.

One thing I found great about my antidepressants is that they cause drowsiness so if I take them at night time I sleep so well. Before then I was awake half the night crying and worrying and generally overthinking everything and feeling like a failure. It's an illness it's not a reflection of you. It's also not a reflection of how good a parent you are or how much you love DS. It's not preventable and it's not possible to just 'snap out of it' however I had it with DD1 and it passed with counselling and meds and it is passing this time too. Try and get some sleep now and let tomorrow be the start of you getting the help you need and prioritising yourself.

AdaColeman · 29/04/2018 23:12

Oh dear, mop up those tears and go and get yourself a warm drink to sip to help you calm down so you can sleep.

Make an appointment with the GP and see what they suggest. Have you got any family you can talk to, or who are supportive?

In the meantime, be gentle with yourself, maybe get a bunch of spring flowers to lift your spirits a little, or play your favourite music. Perhaps do something with Baby that is fun for you both, a massage class or baby music, try to meet other Mums so you don't feel so alone.

MilesHuntsWig · 29/04/2018 23:15

Your DH and your DM clearly have no experience of depression and therefore do not understand. Speak to your GP.

ReturnofSaturn · 29/04/2018 23:17

Hi there OP hope youre holding up ok.

Just want to say i understand how youre feeling. I have a 3 month old and was admitted into hospital into a mother and baby unit for 3 weeks when baby was 5 weeks for severe PND.
They totally turned me around but of course i have to be on medication for a while.

See your GP again. Be insistent that you need help.

youthrewmysandwichAWAY · 29/04/2018 23:18

Are you not on antidepressants OP?

A lot of people don't like them as they think they just mask depression but actually there's good support for depression being partly down to a chemical imbalance in your brain and they're effective for a good percentage of people (I just wrote an essay on this subject haha).

Obviously counselling is effective on top of antidepressants too but please don't completely turn down the idea.

yetAnotherNewName1000 · 29/04/2018 23:19

I remember when my dc was a few months old and a friend told me 'it (being a new mum) was hard and that i was doing a good job'. It made a massive difference to hear that, i think i thought i must be shit to be finding it so difficult, but actually it IS hard, but it DOES get better. I second going to the GP for help with your pnd. But in the meantime, if your DH says you're a great mum, then believe him!

Iggiattheend · 29/04/2018 23:21

bananasplits50 · 29/04/2018 23:22

Definitely see your GP. Make sure you take a note of the key issues, your mood, crying, sleep etc. Insist on seeing a counsellor and if a long waiting list ask for an urgent referral to IAPT. GPs can fob you off and its best being prepared. Hopefully we will hear a positive outcome after your appointment tomorrow.

Freshfeelings · 29/04/2018 23:23

I'm so glad you're going to the GP. They can and should help you. Don't be afraid to consider medication. The chemicals in your brain have got a bit unbalanced by childbirth and may just need a little help for a while. You wouldn't consider trying to cure many other illnesses without medication so don't rule it out.

Get out and about as much as you can - exercise makes the happy brain chemicals your body needs. Eat nice nutritious food as much as you can.

Most of all just know that this is really really common and it WILL pass and you WILL feel happy again. In my opinion, parenting gets better and better as they get a bit older - there are so many happy times up ahead for you, just keep putting one foot in front of another for now. xxx

JoanFrenulum · 29/04/2018 23:27

Oh dear. GP, definitely. Depression is just as much an illness as flu or cancer or other things. It sucks and you can't just talk yourself out of it. You'll get better with help/time/sleep but don't feel bad that you need help. Take whateve's offered.

WibblyWobblyWho · 29/04/2018 23:29

Offering a hand hold too op. So many of us have been there. Be kind to yourself.

TrappedWind · 29/04/2018 23:38

I've also been there, I'm sorry you are going through this.

The early days of parenting are so hard, I remember having some very dark thoughts and feeling so angry and emotional all the time.

I know it might not be much consolation right now, but it does get so much better. At the time, I thought I would be stuck in that mindset forever. But, three years on I can safely say I am not only back to the person I was before, but I am a better version. I never thought I would feel that way.

It really doesn't help when those closest to you are insensitive and unhelpful, it really does make everything worse. I couldn't cope with the side effects of AD's, but I found therapy to be very helpful, perhaps that is an option for you?

cindyhove · 29/04/2018 23:40

Contact APNI.org. They will be able to connect you with a mum who has been through similar things and can support you

Fruitcorner123 · 29/04/2018 23:43

Will be thinking of you in the morning. Your post had really affected me, I know exactly how you feel and so want you to feel better. You will do and you will be enjoying these days with your LO very soon.

Family don't mean to be unhelpful but they just don't understand how it feels. It's so heard to explain isn't it? Perhaps coming home from the GP with a diagnosis tomorrow will help open the conversation.

Italiangreyhound · 29/04/2018 23:46

@queenbiy

I am so sorry this is happening to you.

"I went to the GP when he was newborn and they weren't the most helpful. I started to feel a bit better for a while so didn't keep calling every month to go on the counselling list but I'm regretting that right about now." Call tomorrow, explain situation and ask to go on the list and for an urgent appointment.

This will be manageable but you will need help. It is totally normal. Please go easy on yourself.

CamomileTeaShotofVodka · 29/04/2018 23:47

OP I understand, I have depression too and it is overwhelming sometimes and yes, a thread on mn can set you off crying quite easily. So can knocking a drink over, forgetting something from the supermarket, forgetting to charge your phone and other so called insignificant things.

That's the nature of it, you can feel like you're right on the brink of an emotional cliff edge, barely hanging on.

For now you need to take life one hour at a time if that helps, show the same compassion to yourself that you'd show to someone you love very much, and ask for help as much as you feel able to.

Every single person who has replied on here cares and you've got somewhere you can express your feelings anytime, even if it's just to get them out and vent.

Italiangreyhound · 29/04/2018 23:49

" I'm still with my partner but he doesn't seem to understand the whole "I don't really know why I'm crying" thing, he says I'm a good mum and that I'm not the only person to be a sahm with a grumpy baby so just get on with it"

Well he is right you are not the only one but you are the only one he is married to!

He needs to understand this is a real and serious problem for you and he needs to step up, listen and understand.

"I think he's trying the tough love route." Just tell him it is not going to help. You need support from him and you need to get to the doctor.

"My Mum isn't the best, she's so desperate for me to be happy that she denies any kind of sadness on my part and tells me to snap out of it." Again, she needs to know this is not helping. can she look after the baby while you get some kip?

Italiangreyhound · 29/04/2018 23:50

but you are the only one he is married to/partner with/mum of his baby or whatever.

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