Inheritance: equal or by need?

[HitPeakScandi]

Just wondering what the MN jury say on this.

My mil is doing her will. All of dh's siblings - but not dh - have received money to allow them all to purchase apartments out right. One of his siblings is older, middle aged, single, no kids, always worked in a steady job but has a disability; the others are younger and have made choices which have meant they don't earn much (that's fine but it's not because they couldn't have more).

MIL has arranged her will so that everything will be divided equally AFTER taking into account the money she has given them for the apartments.

So now we've heard from MIL that the two siblings who are struggling have approached her and asked that she basically make the will equal now, ignoring the money they've been given. Their argument is that they need the money more than DH.

Now, the reason we have money is because I sadly lost both my parents relatively early and I inherited signficant amounts from them and I have a job with a decent income. So financially, yes, we are better off and in a comfortable position although it's really all money from me rather than DH (I don't care but he does).

And before my parents died, DH and I struggled for many years when starting out juggling rent then mortgage and raising a young family - something that dh's younger siblings have been spared, they've never had to pay a mortgage or rent!

DH feels a bit betrayed that his siblings want him to lose out.

So should a will be based on equality or need? Should it take into account money given while alive? Is DH U to be a annoyed with his siblings for thinking 'he has enough'? Or is he grabby for wanting his share?

Your DH's BIL and wife sound horribly grabby, and completely out of line. At least MIL has recognised their true colours, poor woman.

I'm glad she's stood firm by treating everyone fairly.

Equal barring any disabilities.

My parents have split their wills equally between my sister and I - it used to be between my sister, my brother and I but my brother died so they re-wrote the will to each of us.

We know their wishes and what they want in the event of each of their passing. We're both power of attorney.

I think, on the basis that the family are close and loving (and one isn't in prison for murder...) then the split should always be equal to avoid rifts.

I think your DH siblings are jealous that you are financially secure.

My maternal grandparents split equally and paternal grandparents on need. There were two brothers and my dad inherited more than his younger brother. My dad has much less than his brother (who's made millions). My dad thought his brother was peeved but they never fell out. His younger brother still inherited money and assets to value of 250k though.

I think one of the siblings is jealous (the one who is very interested in what I have). But it pisses me off because I bloody lost both my parents before I hit 40 and my kids lost their grandparents while his wife has both her parents (and ever her grandmother) alive and healthy and living close by. I'd give it all up in a heart beat if I could have my parents around and healthy. Sorry, don't mean to rant, but it does piss me off. Yes, I'm lucky to have inherited but I am not lucky to have lost my parents young!!!!

I don't think they are capable of seeing all that they have - how many young couples get to live mortgage/rent free? I think they would be much happier if they focused on what they have rather than what others do.

OP: yes your MIL was horrified at what her children were saying and rightly so but what did she actually say to them at the time? Did she put them in their place?

Your inheritance was all yours, and as far as I’m aware, in law it has nothing to do with your husband until it changes to a joint asset eg by being put into joint savings, or using it to pay off a mortgage.

Stroke: that’s interesting, if your brother who died had a family. I would have thought that the share that would have gone to a now deceased child should really go to their children. (Ie will writer’s grand children). Otherwise they are losing out on anything that would have been passed down to them from your brother.

It’s interesting. I was executor to my aunt’s estate and she had left a few small cash legacies in her will to friends. When we contacted one of her friends to check their address was current so we knew where to send the cheque, we were shocked to discover that the beneficiary had died a couple of weeks previously. The solicitor advised that in these cases it then goes to whoever inherits from the dead beneficiary.

You don’t even think about these different scenarios and what is morally correct until they happen, which is why it is very helpful to discuss on forums like this (ignoring any po-faced cries from a couple of people about OP being like a vulture to even THINK about this. )

Yes, that would have been a consideration if he'd had children when he died, but he was only 28 and he and my sister-in-law got married before he started his chemo.

So my parents have re-written for both my sister and I, with potentially a small stipulation for my sister-in-law but I don't know. We're all very close - I've no doubt that they also have stipulations for trust monies to my two DSs and my DNiece as well which I'm also assuming is split equally (although interesting as Dniece sees my parents every day as they live 2 minutes away, and I live overseas so DSs only see my parents on facetime but not as often in person).

In our family it seems to be the ones who stick close by and care for the elderly relative - sometimes for decades cop the lot.

I think that's fair.