I’m blamed for ruining my parents’ lives

[Sprinkle43]

My parents had me fairly young - my mum was 19 and my dad was 20. I know the pregnancy was an accident, and resulted in my mum’s parents pressuring her and booking her in to have an abortion. My other grandparents were incredibly religious and wouldn’t have it. So here I am.

My dad has told me over the years about this, mainly because he has never got on with My mum’s family. But what he’s also said it changed his plans - he wanted a different career and life, but having a baby meant he had to find a ‘boring’ Yet stable job fast, and not do the things other young people do. During arguments he’s thrown it in my face, saying it ruined his life and i should be grateful I was even here.

My mum’s family loved me after I was born, I know that. But even they tell me it ruined my mum’s life. She’s never worked, she was a SAHM and went on to have more kids.

I’m obviously older than they were when they became parents, so my opinion is they should take responsibility for their actions - it’s not like I asked to be born. Are they entitled to feel this way?

Your parents are using you as an excuse, if they had wanted to do all these things that were really important to them, they would have done them irrespective of having a young child.
Your Mother did not have a termination, neither did she put you up for adoption, so she must have wanted to have a baby, and she went on to have more.
I know of plenty of people who have had (unplanned) their families in their late teens , early twenties,. If anything it has made them focus on their futures and they have gone on to get qualifications start worthwhile careeers, in their late 30's early 40's, unfettered by very young children.
If they had wanted all these things that you have been blamed for preventing them to do, they would have done/had them.
there's nothing like shifting the blame to cover your own shortcomings.

I had my eldest at 19 and his dad was 20. I've told him that it affected the path my life took drastically in the context of conversations about safe sex and relationships, it's now something we home about. He and his 3 siblings all have various SEN, and I was on track to study medicine with a view to neurology, I tell them I get to study it everyday :)
I have never blamed him or said a word about it in anger! it's my responsibility and was my choice, not his .