To think this timing is suspect

[tobeworriedabouthis]

Have promised DW a romantic weekend away after a long period of me working lots. Had a call from ex this morning DC is dreadfully sick and needs taken to hospital. She won't take DC because she has an important day at work. (I also work) Firstly I think DC should go to Dr first, not straight to A&E. She insisted and said I didn't care about DC if I didn't take them.) they are 10. Picked up DC and took them to A&E, waiting to been seen DC is full of cold, nasty cough and a bit wheezy. Obviously I am worried and them but not a case for A&E, have decided just to take them to the GP instead. Ex had already asked if I could have DC this week and I said no, I was away for the weekend. AIBU to think this is a cry for attention, it all seemed a bit dramatic and over the top. If she was so worried why didn't she take them or call the night dr from home. Rather than me driving an hour until I could have taken them or I could have met them at the hospital? I can see the next thing will be - you need to have DC and cancel your weekend, they are sick I'm too busy with work.

Just take her home and leave her there. Or take her to EW's work. It's deliberate and she's being a cow.

IT's a child, his child, not a fucking package to be delivered.

IT's a child, his child, not a fucking package to be delivered.

Maybe the ex should remember that. "Too busy" to take her to the GP?

Im sure she does remember, what with having them ALMOST ALL OF THE TIME.

@TawnyPort

wtf is wrong with you?
Are you the ex?

He is entitled to book a holiday when he knows he isn't supposed to have the children.
Perhaps the mother should put her child first instead of screwing with her ex out of jealousy.

Tricky.
Has child had breathing issues before? Been admitted to hospital?

It's just every year when dd gets cold or cough I am on stand by. Will it develop like it has a few times before and result in a and e dash? Who knows.. I'm on standby. Always monitoring chest, stomach.. Face.. Until doctor sees her and does oxygen test listens to chest.. We are in limbo and even then.. Our gp said she was ill but OK the next day in a and e they couldn't believe that gp sent us home.

So I feel alone and dh has not been here when dd has gone down hill.. He hasn't had to listen to someone trying to keep me calm but then telling me to go straight to a and e. He then hasn't been at hospital when they admonished medics for not calling us ambulance and making me drive to a and e!! He has arrived when everything is calm and under control.

He has a natural tenancy to under play things...

I can imagine doing same as your ex here because maybe she is sick off the worry... But won't know how child is.. Or what will or won't develop.

If however your dc has no problem with her breathing at all.. Then yes perhaps it's ott.

Anyway whatever the underlying issue here let's face it, it's shit for the child.

Are you the ex
yeah the only possible reason to think its unacceptable for a parent to think 48 days a year is adequate parenting, and whining about having to actually do parent stuff like hospitals while the other parent works, is that I must be the ex.

Does sound like shes trying to pull a fast one but she could also be genuinely busy with a massive deadline or something. I'd ring yours or her parents (or other close by relatives) and ask if you can drop of your DC there in the evening after tea - it's just a cold, I would not be missing out on a weekend away that was months in planning just because she wants to play games using your DC. If she says anything about you still going just tell her you trust her as their mother to look after the DC. Can't say fairer than that!

@TawnyPort the OP wasn't whinging about taking the child to hospital, they have been and had the child looked at.

They don't want to miss a planned weekend away which is not unreasonable especially since it seems they are flexible a lot of the time.

Yep, definitely sounds suspect. Does ex have a history of being unreasonable and controlling? Drop your child back tonight, poor thing is poorly and doesn't need shipping from pillar to post. You have an agreement, your child is your wife's responsibility this weekend. In future, don't tell ex your plans, just say you aren't available for swaps etc.

ex wife sorry!

Tawny -
How is almost every weekend only 48 days? The OP said he takes the child extra most of the time, that's hardly being unreasonable.
If your not the ex then you seem to be projecting, do you have a deadbeat ex?
That's obviously not the case here is it.

Just to be clear, I'm always flexible. Had to pick up DC through the week on countless times because ex had an appointment she 'forgot to tell me about' I like more access through the week but ex doesn't want DC's routine disrupted. One poster mentioned that I should more closer to ex, she has moved 9 times in 10 years, 3 schools. I can't just follow her around. Have called my BF, (is seen as DC's uncle) he will help if needed. DC is much brighter now, just a bit of a sniffle really which is great.

People are allowed to make plans, even when they are parents.

Totally agree. Are you meant to stay in every weekend just incase Ex needs you to cover?

Go on your planned weekend away, or it will never happen. If Ex can't have them, it won't harm them to stay with grandparents for a weekend.

Take your DC back tonight.
Don't announce it.
Just turn up and hand him over.
Do NOT tell your ExW about any plans in the future.
I hope you get your weekend away and I really hope your Ex doesn't ruin it for you.

Also, we don't know any of the back-story, we're getting everything from the 'poor' OP's side.

Nothing is ever as one-sided as it seems.

Yes, I think the exW is doing it deliberately, but we don't know what else has gone on.

'If you're really beginning to not manage having primary responsibility for the children, maybe we should look at switching residency? The list of times I've had to step in as you have appointments you've 'forgotten' to tell me about is really long now. It's probably worth discussing, I would be open to them living with me and it really seems as if having them full time isn't fitting in with all these other commitments you have...'

That will knock it on the head.

That will knock it on the head.

Yeah, punish the bitch. Make sure she never asks you to take your child to hospital again. That will really allow things to settle down into an amicable relationship with her.

FizzyGreenWater

Everything I have ever seen you post has been pure sense 👌🏻

It’s good your friend can have DD and that she’s feeling better. But I really you need to address this with your ex as her attitude is awful and she’s not making adequate provision for your DD.

Also, we don't know any of the back-story, we're getting everything from the 'poor' OP's side.

But this is the case on every thread? We only ever hear one side.

What kind of crappy parent would NOT take their own children to the Doc/A&E but insist the other parent - who doesn't even have them with him at the time - does.

If she were really worried about the children, to the point that she felt ONLY HOSPITAL was the answer, she should take them. no question at all.

She has in the past asked this man to have his kids on weekends that weren't 'his' and when he's said that he can't , the kids have rung in tears because she has told them he doesn't care about them and that they would miss things that are important to them because he can't dance to her tune. She tells him that he doens't care about the kids if he has other plans.

OP - you have the kids with you at the moment? tell them how much you love them and that if you can ever do x y or z that you will, but that sometimes there are plans made that are set. Their mother is trying to create trouble for whatever reason, and that sometimes she says things that are not entirely true but they need to trust you to know that you will always do what you can for them. Start a dialogue of truth with them.

Then the next time you get this ridiculous woman making her problems YOUR problems, or trying to create drama, let her jog herself on. Say no and mean no. If she tries the hospital thing again, tell her to call 101 for advice.

My OH Ex was a little like this, threats of all kinds of things, that she'd stop holidays, or visits etc, OH told her OK, no problem, he'd go on holiday anyway, and carry on with his weekends as he'd planned.

Grey Man - the SAS use this as a technique - make yourself as dull as poss, don't react, don't stand out, give her NOTHING in the way of drama or response

she is jealous or bitter or both. that's her issue.

To be clear - if you as a parent think your DC need medical attention YOU TAKE THEM!

You don't start mudslinging or threatening. the EOW bollocks is beside the point. She had the DC with her, the DC needed medical attention according to her, so go fucking get it!

What are most annoyed about? Asking to have him over the weekend when it's hers? Why? Of course not unreasonable to say no.

Asking tbey go to A&E yes sounds dramatic you did the right thing going to go.

However the 'I work too' very much depends on jobs. If she is a surgeon and was due to operate whilst you have a desk job and flexible employer than reasonable to ask you to take him. Using extremes but making the point.