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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this timing is suspect

88 replies

tobeworriedabouthis · 26/04/2018 22:47

Have promised DW a romantic weekend away after a long period of me working lots. Had a call from ex this morning DC is dreadfully sick and needs taken to hospital. She won't take DC because she has an important day at work. (I also work) Firstly I think DC should go to Dr first, not straight to A&E. She insisted and said I didn't care about DC if I didn't take them.) they are 10. Picked up DC and took them to A&E, waiting to been seen DC is full of cold, nasty cough and a bit wheezy. Obviously I am worried and them but not a case for A&E, have decided just to take them to the GP instead. Ex had already asked if I could have DC this week and I said no, I was away for the weekend. AIBU to think this is a cry for attention, it all seemed a bit dramatic and over the top. If she was so worried why didn't she take them or call the night dr from home. Rather than me driving an hour until I could have taken them or I could have met them at the hospital? I can see the next thing will be - you need to have DC and cancel your weekend, they are sick I'm too busy with work.

OP posts:
DragonMummy1418 · 27/04/2018 09:21

Tawney - why would you assume that? For all you know they do 50/50. Hmm

TawnyPort · 27/04/2018 09:32

The way OP says "its not my contact weekend"...doesn't sound like 50/50 to me.

Juells · 27/04/2018 09:36

If what TawnyPort thinks is right - that you have DC only every second weekend - then you're being unfair. It might be that your ex had something planned for that weekend, and you wouldn't oblige her.

Children can be so damned inconvenient. Sigh....

Aprilmightbemynewname · 27/04/2018 09:36

Time to call time on her antics. Don't cancel your week end, drop dd where you think is appropriate. It will do dd good to know you at least have boundaries in the parenting stakes.

lindyhopy · 27/04/2018 09:43

As others have said don't let DC stay overnight drop off tonight. She will make up an excuse to not be able to have DC tomorrow.

LifeBeginsAtGin · 27/04/2018 09:44

Let me guess, you have EOW and she has 12 out of 14 days, yet shes the one taking the piss when it comes to doing the actual job of parenting?

If that is the arrangement between both parents then there's no need to assume the OP is trying to slacken his parenting responsibilities.

Original poster
tobeworriedabouthis · 27/04/2018 09:45

We have EOW arrangement, but have had DC more or less every weekend at some point or another since Christmas. (Due to ex being busy, stressed, sport commitments) can try to drop in the morning but it would be a 2 hour round trip in the wrong direction ! This seems to happen everytime!

OP posts:
LittlePaintBox · 27/04/2018 09:55

Iggiatthend:

Though I did watch a film yesterday where a jealous ex set the new wife up for a murder charge so who knows.

This is definitely what's going on, hope you have a good legal team, op!

Juells · 27/04/2018 09:58

I'd have thought - genuinely - that you'd have loved having your children every weekend, even if it wasn't the agreement. Access EOW seems very little. If your wife works full-time it must be quite stressful having to manage the children on her own. My initial sympathy is trickling away. Grin

My ex would have fought to have our children every minute possible, which is proper order. Whatever disagreements we had, he certainly didn't walk away and draw a line under his relationship with his family, wouldn't have seen it as "Boo hoo I have to have them every second weekend, and since Christmas I've had to have them even more". They're your children. A ten-year-old would like to think she's not a nuisance, that her dad would actually like to spend time with her.

If you don't want your plans messed about, don't tell your ex in advance. It does sound like she's doing it deliberately. But if your arrangement is EOW, that's fucking pathetic.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 27/04/2018 09:59

can try to drop in the morning but it would be a 2 hour round trip in the wrong direction ! This seems to happen every time!

Which is why you need to drop them back tonight

TawnyPort · 27/04/2018 09:59

So, she's the main caregiver and you object to having your weekends ruined by your children. Shocker.

HeckyPeck · 27/04/2018 10:03

I'd also drop back tonight - a sick kid won't want to be woken up early when they could be snuggled up in bed having a lie in.

And don't tell her you have plans to go away next time!

sweeneytoddsrazor · 27/04/2018 10:03

That's a bit harsh @Juells. In a previous thread OP has stated he tried for custody but it was awarded to Ex. He also said she moved on hours drive away and changed the DCs school all without letting him know. Sounds very much like she is for whatever reason trying hard to make things as difficult as possible for him to plan anything. One weekend awaywith his wife is not an awful lot to ask

willynillypie · 27/04/2018 10:05

Wtf is people's problem? If he has them EOW then he has them EOW and that's the bloody arrangement and THEY made it together so what is the problem?! It's not right what his ex is doing, and clearly regardless of the arrangement she is trying to dump DC on him this weekend. OP I would take them this evening to her office or parents or something otherwise you won't end up going.

TawnyPort · 27/04/2018 10:09

Wtf is people's problem? If he has them EOW then he has them EOW and that's the bloody arrangement and THEY made it together so what is the problem?

How do you know they made it together? Or thats all he was willing to do, and nobody could force him to man up and be an equal parent.

He's on here whining that he had to take his sick kid to hospital because the kids mother had to go to WORK, and a bunch of harpies are slagging HER off and letting mr EOW off the hook?
And you're asking what the fucking problem is?

willynillypie · 27/04/2018 10:13

Tawny

  1. There's a previous thread where he explains he wanted more time with them/full custody but the mother moved away

  2. even if there wasn't, aren't custody agreements generally made by both parents?

  3. yes she had to work. So did HE and today was her day with them so that's how the cookie crumbles and she should've dealt with it. SHE moved an hour away so her fucking problem.

Some women are determined that men must be the source of all evil 🙄

TawnyPort · 27/04/2018 10:16

No they aren't generally made by both parents.

He has his children EOW, thats 4 days a month. Thats 48 days a year. the mother has them 317 days a year.
And you think he's being reasonable?
I despair. It's got nothing to do with him having a penis, it would be the exact same the other way around.

If I lost residency of my kids and they were moved an hour away, do you think I'd take EOW and complain about having to take them to hospital on one of my 317 childrfree days a year? Would you? No, I'd move an hour to be near them and keep fighting to see them more, not less.

wtf is wrong with people? His fucking spa day with his missus is more important than his sick kid?

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 27/04/2018 10:17

She is taking the piss. Text her that you’ll drop DD at her work at 4pm or whatever.

TawnyPort · 27/04/2018 10:17

I have to hide this thread, its making me feel ill. Eugh, people are revolting.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 27/04/2018 10:23

I’m sure the OP doesn’t mind having extra days agreed in advance or an emergency but this is not his contact weekend and he’s made other plans.

willynillypie · 27/04/2018 10:24

OP isn't complaining about taking them to hospital. He is in a shit situation with his wife and has promised her a weekend away and it looks like his ex is trying to dump the child on him. It's a combination of this specific weekend and the behaviour of the ex/how she has handled the situation.

As OP has said, he more or less has the children every weekend, and probably has them for a large majority of the holidays. Since she moved away, it's probably impractical for him to have them more since it's such a journey, but you seem determined to see the worst in him and paint him as a lazy father. The fact he is writing this thread sounds like he is torn and actually quite upset with the situation.

I am a child of divorce and my parents had a huge custody battle in court, which I thought was the norm - not one parent just saying "fuck this i don't want them". As it happened, my father went for full custody to spite my mother, was rewarded with EOW and very VERY rarely bothered to show up to collect us, despite us waiting at the door at 6am for him with our suitcases packed on a Saturday (HE had moved 2 hours away). That's a shitty father. OP, not so much.

Trinity66 · 27/04/2018 10:26

Yeah sounds suspicious alright. Be prepared for her to be very late or not turn up. Do you have family near by who could take you DC until your ex turns up?

mintich · 27/04/2018 10:27

Drop off after she finishes work or to grandparents. I agree, sounds suspect!!

RedHelenB · 27/04/2018 10:31

Again this is a child . Even if the mother is doing it on purpose moat of the replies haven't considered the child in this at all. She's just made to sound like an inconvenience!

DextroDependant · 27/04/2018 10:34

I think people are being very unfair and possibly projecting onto the OP.

If access is EOW and he has had them every weekend since Christmas then he is clearly usually flexible.
Unfortunately he has plans this weekend and is unable to accommodate extra access. People are allowed to make plans, even when they are parents.

It is clear that the ex wife is trying to deliberately ruin the weekend away.

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