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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to ask if you can swim, and if you can't, can your DC?

83 replies

AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered · 26/04/2018 15:12

An acquaintance from toddler group has said that she can't swim, is afraid of water, and so won't be teaching her DC or taking them to lessons as she'd hate to be badgered to take them swimming. She's a LP and her DC's father isn't in the picture so he can't take them. Clearly it's very sad that she's scared of water, but I can't help but think that it's a bit crap not to ensure someone (i.e. a swimming teacher) teaches your DC a fundamental life skill that could save their life (not to mention give them enjoyment and enable them to take part in pool parties and the like when older).

When we learned at school I remember there only being 2 kids who couldn't swim, and they were incredibly embarrassed to be relegated to the baby pool whilst the rest of us swam in the main pool. I'd hate DS to go through that.

Obviously I'd never say anything to the other mum, it's none of my business what she chooses to teach or not teach her DC, but am I being unreasonable to think she's got this wrong and that everyone should make sure their DC can swim (bar those who can't due to SEN obviously).

And before anyone asks why I'm starting a thread about it despite it not being my business: this is AIBU. Most of it wouldn't exist were it not for us all silently judging random strangers!

OP posts:

candlefloozy · 26/04/2018 21:33

I cannot swim so I make sure my dd has had lessons since she was three! She will swim whether she likes it or not!!!!

doleritedinosaur · 26/04/2018 21:34

Neither myself or DH can swim properly. I had lessons far too late & don’t believe water can hold me up.
DH had free lessons & tries to go as often as possible.

DS1 I have taken since he was 6 Months he can now swim the entire length of teaching pool in the noodle. He can swim about 3-5 metres unaided & knows how to use his arms & legs & float on his back.

DS2 has been since 4 Months & loves putting his face in, kicks now & again & is starting to pick up more with his swimming lessons each week.

I was adamant my children won’t be afraid of water & will be able to swim well before the school lessons.
We also take them outside of the lesson & take them for paddles in the sea.

It’s important & YANBU, she doesn’t need to be in the pool with them from the age of 3 & she’s imprinting her fear onto them.

Babdoc · 26/04/2018 21:34

I’m a bit puzzled by all the PPs who claim that swimming is an important life skill, and imply that it could save your life.
Do they not realise that the vast majority of deaths from drowning happen to swimmers? Because non swimmers have more sense than to go into the sea/river/riptide/current etc in the first place! Being able to swim gives a false sense of security in the water.

FASH84 · 26/04/2018 21:37

I can swim, not gracefully but well enough to swim laps, DH is a very strong swimmer. I can't however ride a bike (I have tried to remedy this as an adult, it's hard). I definitely wouldn't stop any children we have learning to do what I can't, just so it doesn't inconvenience me.

elQuintoConyo · 26/04/2018 21:39

My mum can't swim, my dad can swim very well. DH can swim very well, i'm practically a mermaid

DS is 6yo and still splashes about like an octopus at a rave, but he loves the water and his lessons, so we're perfectly happy.

I didn't learn to swim until my dad became a lifeguard at a local pool, not enpugh money beforehand. We'd never been on holiday or in the sea, so it hadn't affetced us begorehand. I learnt to swim at 10 and was in my secondary swim team at 12, backstroke.

I used to be able to do a very elegant backdive, but haven't practised for years; pools here ban diving

We are next to the sea and surrounded by friends with pools so it is important to us that our son learns to swim.

threelittledinosaurs · 26/04/2018 21:52

I can't swim. I tried to learn quite a few times though, and I almost drowned once. It just isn't a skill I am able to learn sadly.
Its really really important to me that my DC can swim though. They're only young at the moment, but when DH is available he takes the eldest for a little swim. Both DC will be having swimming lessons as they get older.

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 26/04/2018 21:53

It’s awful of your friend, OP. I’ve always been afraid of water and as a result a non-swimmer in spite of childhood lessons. Looking back I was so tense from anxiety I had no chance.
still took my DD swimming from infancy. Now she’s 7 and a confident swimmer.
I’ve just started taking beginner lessons - really proud of myself!

PeanutButterLips · 26/04/2018 22:03

As a kid I almost drowned and have been scared to learn to swim ever since.
I've never told my son this as he can sometimes over think things and he doesn't need to know.
He's been going to swimming lessons now since last sept and every ten weeks completes a staged I've just been told by his instructor that he's going up to the next stage as he thinks his swimming was amazing the last few weeks.
I'm a very proud mum.

UrgentScurryfunge · 26/04/2018 23:14

I'm a good swimmer... I swam my first mile at 17 after my first length at 16.

I did not get the hang of it in 4 years of regular lessons with school. By the end of y6, I was one of the only two non-swimmers out of the 50-60 children in the year group. What I needed was the 1:1 with someone in the water with me to actually SHOW me how to swim, not someone shouting and waving their arms around at the side. It was crap having a heavily restricted choice of activities at school camp because I couldn't swim. Being stuck down the shallow end or not being able to do slides etc because you can't swim is crap. At 15, I decided to learn to swim 25m for my DoE award and booked into the adult lessons full of pensioners. It was so worth it

My DCs have lessons. We started with the baby/ toddler playing together sessions and both DCs are at the in the pool on their own learning basic strokes stage. No way am I thinking that they'll just get it in the few terms that are provided by our council. It's taking DS1 long enough with regular lessons.

From the age of 4 a parent doesn't have to go in for lesson so fear of water is not an adequate excuse for children not having the opportunity to learn. Before that is more understandable, but it would still be better to get over a fear of being waist deep in a children's pool- she doesn't need to be a confident swimmer. A lot of the parents at the toddler classes weren't good swimmers and they wanted to break that cycle.

Swimming is as easy as learning to ride a bike... I passed my driving test 3 years after finding my balance on a bike
(It turns out that dyslexia and dyspraxia are rife through my family which may explain a lot of mine and DS's sporting prowress...)

LadyGAgain · 27/04/2018 07:10

We can both swim and love a holiday so at 8 weeks both children started their lessons. Eldest is just 4 and can swim solo.

fleshmarketclose · 27/04/2018 07:14

I can't swim but my children can. I paid for lessons because I think it's an important skill to have. When they were small dh took them swimming and then as they got older they went with friends.

thelastredwinegum · 27/04/2018 07:23

Haven't rtft - I don't have children & I'm a very weak swimmer. My mum can swim but she was/embarrassed by her size so wouldn't take me swimming so the only swimming I did was with primary school.

I'm hoping to have lessons before the end of the year.

lljkk · 27/04/2018 07:25

I know many non-British adults who can't swim & none of them like being that way.

I got to adulthood doing a terrific doggy paddle but no proper strokes. I learnt to swim properly as an adult (and it's better than being able to only badly doggy paddle). It was big deal for me to make sure DC are all strong swimmers.

I heard a story on radio the other day about a non-swimmer woman who slipped into a canal & had to be rescued. I'm not convinced that being a non-swimmer is somehow 'protective'.

Yusra & Sarah Mardini saved own lives + 18 other people by being almost the only swimmers in their group. Being non-swimmers didn't give most the people the 'sense' to avoid the water.

Wateroffaduck · 27/04/2018 07:30

It is one of the things I insisted on with my kids, they went to swimming lessons, the complained and hated it but they can all swim.

I can swim, when I was about 7 I was a non swimmer and I nearly drowned in a pool in France.

My kids learning to swim was non negotiable for me, it is a life skill. I personally hate swimming, but I can swim.

lanbury · 27/04/2018 07:35

I can swim but absolutely hate it. I've never had a swimming lesson and didn't swim at school. I'm scared of it and would never want to go under the water so won't jump in for example. Swimming lessons were high priority for DS and he's really good now and can dive etc. He's been been scuba diving.

BinG0wings123 · 27/04/2018 07:37

I can’t swim, despite lessons as a child.

I never go near a pool though because, ugh, other people’s hair and grossness.

I made sure ds had swimming lessons, group and private. For four fucking years and he can’t swim more than a few feet (now a teen).

Did 5 is terrified of pools and won’t step near on despite dh trying to take her.

FleurDelacoeur · 27/04/2018 07:48

Schools in Scotland don't do swimming lessons, it's not on the curriculum and it's left completely up to the parents. Lots of my kids' friends can't swim. My kids aren't competitive swimmers by any stretch of the imagination but are competent and safe. I happily wave the older ones off to the inflatable fun session at the local pool on a saturday afternoon knowing that they will be safe and have a lot of fun.

I swim, not particularly well but well enough, and so does DH.

FescueGrass · 27/04/2018 07:51

At 41, I learned to ride a bicycle. Still wobbly and very unconfident; oncoming bikes and pedestrians terrify me and I have to stop and let them pass. I don't cycle so much.

At 43, I learned to drive. I'm convinced my driving instructor thought I was hopeless but I passed first try. I'm ok pootling around town, I don't drive on motorways a lot.

I'm now 45 and doing swimming lessons now that I can drive myself to a gym/pool. I'm not afraid of water, but I seem to sink a lot. Never learned to doggy paddle or anything, only now learnt to float. Somehow my legs and arms aren't so coordinated and it's taking me a lot longer to learn this skill (still no good; concentrating on front crawl atm) than the cycling and driving. But I'm getting there I hope!

I made sure DS could cycle and swim from an early age; he loves cycling and is now working on butterfly stroke.

I come from a tropical country with fantastic beaches, which is funny with the swimming part I know. Growing up, schools didn't teach swimming or insist on ensuring kids could swim, nothing on water safety. My parents didn't buy me a bike or take me to pools; to be fair, I never asked them to. They were busy with work and I was meant to concentrate on my studies. I used plentiful, cheap public transport and we had a chauffeur as well. He drove me from class to class within my uni campus, it was pretty normal for MC families

bruffin · 27/04/2018 07:55

My mum was scared of the water but they built a new pool when i was 9 and mt dad took us. Mum took us to lessons abd we started swimming with school ( early 70s). When we got red badge we got a book of swim tickets so i went from a non swimmer to gold in less than 2 years.
Started dc as babies and they went lessons until they gualified as lifeguards. Ds wss a lifeguard for a while. Dd is going doing camp america this summer and will be lifeguarding out there.
15 years ago i decided to join an adult swim class and am still going

Fintress · 27/04/2018 07:57

My mum taught me to swim when I was small, surprisingly I had no idea she couldn't swim. She took lessons in her 50's. We started taking my daughter to the pool from 14 weeks old, she could swim like a fish aged 4, she loved the water from day 1.

Degustibusnonestdisputandem1 · 27/04/2018 07:58

Yes I can, had lessons in Australia from about the age of 5. I've also scuba dived; am very at home in the water. 6 year old DTDs have just started lessons with club run by DH's old coach.

Fintress · 27/04/2018 08:00

Schools in Scotland don't do swimming lesson

Some schools do. My daughter's school did and my friend's daughter's school (different area) does, but her school has a pool.

zzzzz · 27/04/2018 08:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PlatypusPie · 27/04/2018 08:04

My mother was a weak swimmer when I was a young child, wouldn’t go out of her depth, with an aversion born of having gone to a sporty boarding school that insisted on a morning run on the beach followed by a bracing dip into the crashing waves

My father was a very strong swimmer, though, taught me and I can’t remember a time when I couldn’t swim, it was a big part of my childhood. I did witness him rescuing a weak swimmer who had got into difficulties in the river - sadly, their companion, pulled out by someone else, did not survive. It was so quick and so sudden and I can remember every moment of it decades later.

My mother then decided to do something about it in her 40s and learnt to swim more confidently and it became a regular part of her life until her late 80s - kept her flexible and fit when other exercise had become more challenging.

LittleCandle · 27/04/2018 08:15

Neither of my parents could swim, but I can. Neither of my children can because both of them are allergic to chlorine. With DD1, it affects her breathing as well as her skin, as she is asthmatic. DD2 has bad skin reactions. I hope that DGD will learn to swim, but it will require someone else to take her and hopefully she won't have the allergic reactions, but I don't live close enough to be that person.

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