Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

AIBU to ask if you can swim, and if you can't, can your DC?

83 replies

AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered · 26/04/2018 15:12

An acquaintance from toddler group has said that she can't swim, is afraid of water, and so won't be teaching her DC or taking them to lessons as she'd hate to be badgered to take them swimming. She's a LP and her DC's father isn't in the picture so he can't take them. Clearly it's very sad that she's scared of water, but I can't help but think that it's a bit crap not to ensure someone (i.e. a swimming teacher) teaches your DC a fundamental life skill that could save their life (not to mention give them enjoyment and enable them to take part in pool parties and the like when older).

When we learned at school I remember there only being 2 kids who couldn't swim, and they were incredibly embarrassed to be relegated to the baby pool whilst the rest of us swam in the main pool. I'd hate DS to go through that.

Obviously I'd never say anything to the other mum, it's none of my business what she chooses to teach or not teach her DC, but am I being unreasonable to think she's got this wrong and that everyone should make sure their DC can swim (bar those who can't due to SEN obviously).

And before anyone asks why I'm starting a thread about it despite it not being my business: this is AIBU. Most of it wouldn't exist were it not for us all silently judging random strangers!

OP posts:

TriJo · 26/04/2018 15:36

I can swim and love it. DH learned at 31. My DCs are too young really - 2 and 12 weeks. They will learn when they are a little older.

FrangipaniBlue · 26/04/2018 15:38

I couldn't swim until I was 10 but once I learned I got it fast and now I'm a pretty strong swimmer (I go twice a week).

DH can't swim for toffee, we'll he can do enough to get himself to the side without drowning if he ever fell in.

DS takes after me, he's like a fish.

For context, MIL was a champion swimmer in her youth, so god knows why DH is so shit at it!

pigsDOfly · 26/04/2018 15:38

Much to my life long regret I can't swim. I've had lesson as an adult but my fear of the water prevented me getting beyond a certain stage in the classes - probably need one 2 one teaching.

However, I made damn sure my DCs were not going to be in the same boat as me and they were taught at a good swimming school from an early age. They all swim like fish now and one of my DDs has been taking her DCs to the swimming pool from tiny babies.

Very important skill, and as far as I can see from the sidelines a lot of fun.

Sashkin · 26/04/2018 15:39

My mum was scared of water but made sure we could swim. I’m a complete waterbaby, go on swimming holidays etc. DBro isn’t a big fan of the water but can swim well enough if he needs to.

DH loves the water but has terrible technique. He’s just too lazy to have proper lessons.

I’ve taken DS swimming twice a week since he was 4 months and he absolutely loves it - I am determined that he will have decent technique. At the minute it is exciting DS and Mummy time, as he gets older I will have to find some other way of keeping it enticing until he is old enough to like it in its own right.

Katedotness1963 · 26/04/2018 15:43

There was no money for swimming clothes/lessons. By the time the school started lessons I was bloody terrified. I persuaded my mum to cancel the lessons.

Someone else mentioned not being able to ride a bike. Me neither. Again no money for it. When I was 10/11 a good friend got a new bike for her birthday and her parents offered me her old one. My mum said we had to take it to where my granny lived till I learnt to ride it. The next weekend my uncle lowered the seat and handlebars so my brother could use it. It was then left out in the rain. By the time I got out there to use it again it had rusted so badly the seat/handles wouldn't raise again.

MarklahMarklah · 26/04/2018 15:44

I can't swim, but DH can, and DD has regular lessons. I should probably learn but I hate being in the water, I've had bad experiences with lessons both as a child and as an adult, and the chlorine really hurts my eyes.

bakingdemon · 26/04/2018 16:00

A friend of mine learned to swim properly at the age of 33 having been terrified of water. He now swims about 3km a week and loves it. You can learn to do it 'late' - why not learn with your kids?

DropZoneOne · 26/04/2018 16:03

I can swim (badly) and loathe it, never liked it as a child either. But felt strongly that DD should learn for safety reason. She loves it and whilst I have spent many an hour shivering in the corner of the pool whilst she enjoys herself, I'm glad I forced myself for her sake.

noeffingidea · 26/04/2018 16:08

Neither of my parents could swim, they actually paid for me to have lessons when I was 9, and I loved it. I swim as often as possible now.
One of my boys can swim quite well , one of them can barely swim, even though he had 30 half hour lessons at school. I offered to teach him myself, or to pay for one on one lessons, but he didn't want to. He just doesn't enjoy it at all.

KinkyAfro · 26/04/2018 16:15

I can swim, started lessons when about 5 or 6. Mum and dad can't swim

TheBrilloPad · 26/04/2018 16:17

I can't swim - grew up in a big family, and there was never the time nor money. Wouldn't change it though, it's genuinely never bothered me as an adult or affected my life or stopped me doing anything.

My kids are likely to be the same until they get to school - single parent of 3 kids under 4, so again, it's impossible for me to take them, and I can't afford lessons.

Camomila · 26/04/2018 16:46

I can swim one 25m length in one go but i'm exhausted by the end of it. It doesn"t help I can't breathe through my nose.

I'm not sure DH can even manage a length.

DS has been having lessons since he was a baby.

UnimaginativeUsername · 26/04/2018 16:48

I can swim, not with any great style, but ok. DS1 is a reasonable swimmer. DS2 is a really good swimmer though - miles better than any of the rest of us.

Averyyounggrandmaofsix · 26/04/2018 16:57

There is no need for the OPs friend to go in the water with her child. A lot of children don't start lessons until they are 5 and they soon catch up.

MacavityTheDentistsCat · 26/04/2018 17:06

DD is a competitive swimmer, and hardly a day goes by without her going to the pool.
I can also swim well and am a fairly well-qualified and experienced swimming judge. Secretly, though, I absolutely HATE swimming and will do everything I can to avoid it while simultaneously trumpeting its fabulousness to everyone else

TheNoodlesIncident · 26/04/2018 17:10

I was the same as your friend OP, had had nightmares as a child about falling into deep water and drowning. School swimming "lessons" were terrible, focus was on the children who could swim and the few non-swimmers left to bob around in the shallow end.

I finally learnt to swim aged 27 - had lessons from the council and support from DH (who was actually the better teacher, tbf). I was absolutely determined any child of mine was going to learn to swim good and early. I feel sad to think of all the fun times in water I could have had but missed out on, because of my not being able to swim.

A swimming coach of our swim school says that of the children they have to teach (they do school swim lessons during the day, private after school), at least 30% have never been in a swimming pool before. I think that's shocking.

UnimaginativeUsername · 26/04/2018 19:59

DS2 didn’t start lessons til he was 5. At 7 he’d finished all the stages.

I certainly wouldn’t worry about school swimming. DS2 is doing swimming at school in Y4. Loads of his class couldn’t swim at the start of the year. DS and one of his friends are by far the best swimmers in the class. TBH, he finds the school swimming lessons really boring and unchallenging. He’s used to going to swimming club and spending an hour swimming sets, so he was not impressed when he’d go to school swimming and they’d swim 5 widths in the entire lesson (as the top group). He’s got another year of school swimming in Y5 to go. Maybe it’ll be more of a challenge as there will be more good swimmers in the larger middle school year group.

AnneProtheroe · 26/04/2018 20:11

I can't swim because my head was held underwater by my class teacher to force me to blow bubbles. I know I blacked out, remember coming round poolside but even a fierce shower will make me panic. If I'm watching a film and there's an underwater scene I have to stand up to be above the water iykwim. Hate water and hate that class teacher forever for giving me a lifelong fear of water.

Stompythedinosaur · 26/04/2018 20:44

Dp can't swim but takes the dc to their lessons and encourages them. He will take them in the pool as long as it is shallow enough for him to stand (he can actually struggle along in the water a little bit but doesn't feel he could swim well enough to keep the dc safe out of his depth).

He doesn't learn in part because of a chronic illness, in part because of general busyness and in part because of a horrible association of being ridiculed in lessons as a child.

He has absolutely not passed this on to the dc, they swim like fishes.

Uniquack · 26/04/2018 21:00

I spent most of my life in a very hot country and practically grew up in the swimming pool. Swam for my school team.

My DTDs had their first swim when they were 6 months old. They are now super confident in the water - in fact it's hard to keep them out of it!

I think it's an essential skill to have.

PumpkinPie2016 · 26/04/2018 21:02

I can swim well and my DH is also an excellent swimmer. Our son is 4 and has lessons plus we take him when we can. He is doing really well and loves it.

My mum is an outstanding swimmer and competed in her younger years so she made sure we learnt early on.

My dad learnt as an adult becaus he was never taught as a child. He can now do enough that he won't drown but isn't brilliant. That said, he always wanted us to learn because he recognised how difficult it was to learn as an adult who is petrified of water!

I really do think swimming is a life skill.

Seniorcitizen1 · 26/04/2018 21:19

The life skill and life saving claim fir swimming is over egged. I have been able to swim for over 50 years - neither myself or anyone I know has ever had icassion to save their or anyone else’s life by being able to swim.

Anxiouschild · 26/04/2018 21:23

I swim well. DH was a very weak swimmer, but after DC1 was born he took adult lessons as he was worried about swimming with her. He is now proficient and feels confident to be in the water with them but still has the same technique as a fish on dry land
DCs have had lessons since they were babies. The 3yo can now do 10m on her back and nearly 5m on her front. The 1yo thinks she's an Olympic-standard swimmer and throws herself off and away from me before quickly sinking. They both love their lessons and want to spend all their time under the water.

Learning to swim is essential IMO and it's as important for the parents as the DCs. My F is a very poor swimmer and would never let me in the deep end on holiday as a result when I was a child. It was frustrating as I was a very strong swimmer then (far less fit these days!) and all I wanted to do all day was be in the pool.
I would definitely judge someone who didn't feel their children needed to learn.

LannieDuck · 26/04/2018 21:24

My mum is scared of water, and my dad couldn't swim when I was a baby. He took lessons in the evenings after work.

I only found out about this last year when we were chatting about my kids' swimming lessons. Both mum and dad used to take us swimming when me and my sister were kids. Looking back now, I'm well impressed that we never had any idea how difficult it was for them.

Nosleepmakesmetired · 26/04/2018 21:27

I can swim but my dad can't he nearly drowned as a kid, my grandad taught me and my brother to swim (among other things like playing darts and pool. All important life skills according to him!) My husband's not a confident swimmer but both my girls are and will be swimming and confident in the water. Its an important life skills and it's one of the things I want them to be good at.

Flip

1 2 3 4