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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to shed a tear even though this is what we wanted?

34 replies

mailfuckoff · 26/04/2018 13:50

Ds has a condition where he doesn't walk very well. Last year it was suggested we apply for a blue badge for him. We've heard how hard it was so thought it wouldn't be given to us. The badge came in the post today, and I'm really sad that he's considered disabled. To me he's perfect but now I'm worried how ill he is. We don't know if this is a blip and he will get better, or if this is for life.

OP posts:

zzzzz · 26/04/2018 13:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DragonsAndCakes · 26/04/2018 13:54

Things like that make it a bit more real I find.

Andro · 26/04/2018 13:55

Of course yanbu, it's one of those things where reality suddenly smacks you.

Have a and a little cry - then think how much easier this with (hopefully) make being out and about for your ds (selfish drivers who park in blue badge spaces out of laziness aside!).

DragonsAndCakes · 26/04/2018 13:55

The smile was a kindly meant, supportive one rather than a flippant or cheesy one btw.

Original poster

mailfuckoff · 26/04/2018 14:10

Thanks, the teas a good idea. It didn't even take that long to be processed

OP posts:

RoseWhiteTips · 26/04/2018 14:12

Completely understandable but it will make a great difference. Enjoy your tea.

Davros · 26/04/2018 14:12

I remember the "victory" of getting DS into a great special school after a bit of a battle. Awful. No-one wants their child to go to special school do they?

GorgeousJaws · 26/04/2018 14:15

I understand where you're coming from. My son doesn't qualify for a blue badge, but has been awarded DLA until he's at least 9. Makes it seem more 'real' somehow.

x2boys · 26/04/2018 14:15

They dont Davros but if it's the best place for them ds2 has attended a special school since reception he really couldn't be managed in mainstream .

Anniegetyourgun · 26/04/2018 14:20

The badge doesn't mean he's worse off than you thought. It means that your legitimate concern for his difficulties has been acknowledged by the authority, so they're actually doing something helpful instead of fobbing you both off (which is rare enough!). Saying "it'll be fine" is good for the emotions but doesn't help with practicalities. Right here, right now, he can do with that badge. For the future, if he gets the chance to hand it back, won't that be fabulous?

Davros · 26/04/2018 14:21

Agreed x2boys but it hurts at first

x2boys · 26/04/2018 14:25

I know Davros, tbh my friends are now fellow parents of children with similar disabillities we dont stand out and we are just a normal family to them rather than that family i had to learn to adjust .

Bananasinpyjamas11 · 26/04/2018 14:26

it’s just a bit of a shock. Give yourself time to take it in.

There’s no getting away from that uncertain feeling, not knowing about the future, especially when it is officially recognised. But you know what that’s OK, it is quite tough! You aren’t alone. I feel like that too. But most days I also remember my child is still a lovely child, not just his label, whatever that means, and his childhood will pass so quickly just like any other child, with all those lovely little moments, and fustrations, and fun! It’s all still there.

pigmcpigface · 26/04/2018 14:27

Please don't see this as a negative. The blue badge is simply to make his life as someone who moves differently (at the moment) a bit richer and easier.

for you and your DS.

TooTrueToBeGood · 26/04/2018 14:41

To paraphrase what a very good friend of mine corrected me on some time back:

He isn't disabled, he has a disability.

It may seem like pedantics but for me it was a valuable reminder that someone having a disability does not mean their value as a human being is reduced or that they are non-functional, they just have additional problems to solve. The blue badge is part of that problem-solving process.

Crunchymum · 26/04/2018 14:45

I'm just applying for DLA for my baby (3 month old) and it's depressing as fuck.

motorpink · 26/04/2018 14:48

DH has a blue badge and we went through exactly the same thing. Then we went out and started using it, what a difference it has made to him. We took all the positives like being able to park closer, easier, sometimes free and bigger spaces and focused on that rather than the omg you are disabled. I won't lie it wasn't an easy thing to accept; but I think you either dwell forever or get on with it! We also made a pact not to be drawn into 'who isn't displaying a badge' because so many people use the spaces without badges it would almost certainly give us unnecessary stress.

CatkinToadflax · 26/04/2018 14:52

I totally get where you're coming from OP. DS doesn't have a blue badge but he does get DLA, have an EHCP and attend a special school. He gets pretty much what he needs and yet it makes me sad that he needs it. There are so many things that he can't do....but also so many things that he can do, that make him special and unique and his own person.

MissClareRemembers · 26/04/2018 14:53

Totally understandable to feel like this. My friend’s has just been diagnosed with a condition that means she will soon lose mobility. They’ve just had a stairlift installed and it was a very sombre moment for them.

BlankTimes · 26/04/2018 14:57

Yes, it really hits home when you receive the BB for the first time. You just have to remember they are the same lovely kids and this is going to help them get to places and not tire as easily. It has not changed your son in any way, it hasn't made him different.

I went on ebay and found some funky covers for the badge so at least it didn't look so "clinical" If you can sew, maybe you'd like to make some for him with his favourite characters on.

Apparently the new badges shouldn't have clear plastic over the hologram as it can bond to it in strong sunshine or somesuch. - I just cut the clear plastic bit off the older cover where it covered the hologram.

mavismcruet · 26/04/2018 15:02

I totally get it. Having things like that made official can feel like being slapped in the face with a wet fish. No matter how hard you have wanted it and fought for it to happen

Dobbyy · 26/04/2018 15:02

I understand. It’s never easier.

sharkirasharkira · 26/04/2018 15:04

I felt this exact way when I went to tour DS' special school.

Really, it was ideal for him. Small class sizes, sensory equipment and lots of stuff to help him communicate. It was a lovely school.

But my heart just broke that I was having to send him to a special school in the first place. Not that he is somehow less because he is disabled but just because it is not the life I had imagined for him or what I had hoped for. I left there and went straight to work, where I broke down crying.

Eventually I got into a better headspace and he is now doing very well and has some on leaps and bounds which I know would not have been possible without the special school. But it is hard to take at first

Yanbu at all OP [hugs]

Sleepyblueocean · 26/04/2018 15:11

I felt like that when ds got his diagnosis even though we were sure for 2 years before that he had it.
He didn't start special school or get a bb till he was 7 and I was happy ( as you can be in the circumstances) about those because mainstream school was distressing for him and the bb made it so much easier for us to get out.

morningconstitutional2017 · 26/04/2018 15:40

I totally understand where you're coming from with this as have many others on this thread. Just try and see it as something which will make life easier for you. You will be able to park nearer to the front doors of places. We didn't have to fight for ours - it was actually offered to us by the hospice for my late DH and at the time we thought it seemed superfluous - but in time it became very useful indeed.

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