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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset at this

85 replies

kezzy13 · 26/04/2018 09:12

Dh told me last night that one of his friends called me fat and ugly.
Came out with it completely out of the blue. I don't mind the friends opinion because that is in fact my own opinion of myself, but I don't understand why dh felt the need to tell me?

Aibu?

OP posts:
AntipodeanOpalEye · 26/04/2018 13:49

I also wonder like a previous poster if this friend actually said anything of the sort. Have you been feeling a bit more assertive lately OP, are you saying No more often. There is the thought that maybe he has said this to "keep you down" by eroding your self esteem and poking at a sensitive issue. He obviously knows how you see yourself and could be manipulating your emotions for his own purposes.

Aeroflotgirl · 26/04/2018 13:51

I would say to dh, well what did you say to him in support of me? I gather he is not your friend anymore then!

fairylightsdown · 26/04/2018 14:28

My ex used to do this. I bet your oh is lying and his friend said no such thing. Your oh is deliberately putting you down, making you feel bad, manipulating you.... he's abusing you. I bet he's saying more than just this to you too....

fairylightsdown · 26/04/2018 14:29

Tell him to fuck off and walk away

Caramelapplecake · 26/04/2018 14:57

I just can't imagine any conversation where anybody insults a friend' partner like that?

We have very close friends (a couple) we've known for years and may make a joke say about someone's love of pies or chocolate but never say 'fat and ugly'

I have also told another friend I thought her partner was controlling and didn't have her best interests at heart but whatever I thought of him physically - not my business.

I just don't see this conversation- and if it did happen why on earth would anybody repeat this?

flubdub · 26/04/2018 15:55

It's always worst case scenario on mumsnet. Hmm

The OPs DH isn't just a bit dumb and didn't say something without thinking. He's now abusive.
Come onnnnnnn.

Agreed that her DH shouldn't have told her, but it doesn't mean he's abusive just because he told her and gives her cake!

Idontdowindows · 26/04/2018 15:58

Really Flub? So you would say that a spouse who not only repeats this shit to his wife but who also doesn't tell the "friend" to shut the fuck up and never talk to him again is "just a bit dumb"?

You think that a spouse who feeds his wife who is already obese is "just a bit dumb"?

He may not mean to be abusive, but he bloody well is!

flubdub · 26/04/2018 16:09

@Idontdowindows
Yes, I am saying it is possible that her husband meant no malice, and is just a bit thick!

He might not have a problem with his wife's weight and sees no problem in giving her food.

And maybe he told his wife what his friend said because it just slipped out.

Both scenarios entirely possible.

Idontdowindows · 26/04/2018 16:11

@flubdub Ok, but not meaning any malice doesn't automatically make it not abusive though. People, especially people with low social skills or antisocial tendencies can be abusive without meaning to be. Abuse is not necessarily a deliberate act.

Original poster
kezzy13 · 26/04/2018 20:22

Ok so I asked him (demanded) that he tell me what his reply was

Apparently he said that the 'friend' was out of order and 'We can take this outside if you like'

I also read him a few replies from this thread, think that shocked him a little.

Apparently the 'friend' isn't actually a friend at all, just an acquaintance and also only 18.

Feel a little better now, also been to see gp today and received some advice about how to start going about getting my weight under control.

Thanks for all your replies

OP posts:
flubdub · 26/04/2018 20:36

Well done OP. Great steps!

And you should feel better. It came from an immature manbaby, and your DH stuck up for you. So he's not abusive, hurrah!

Onwards and upwards Smile

TolpuddleFarterOATB · 26/04/2018 23:37

Hmmm, interesting how DH now sets himself up as the hero now you have read him the responses telling you he is controlling...

Original poster
kezzy13 · 08/09/2018 17:05

Update... dh (not meaning dear husband but a different thing beginning with those letters) left me 6 weeks ago, within a week he was with someone else.. bastard

OP posts:
tillytown · 08/09/2018 17:51

You're better off without him and his dumbass insults Flowers

Samantha2018 · 08/09/2018 18:13

So it wasn't his friend but a teenager he was hanging around with? Still a horrible thing to pass along id be devastated he didn't need to tell you that and I'd be fuming he hadn't punched him tbh

LanguidLobster · 08/09/2018 18:21

I'm sorry that you're hurting, but it does sound like you're better off without him

MerryInthechelseahotel · 08/09/2018 18:22

How heavy was this dickhead? You've lost approximately 15 stone already!

Needahairbrush · 08/09/2018 18:25

How awful for you, and what the OP is about us massively insulting whatever your weight is. Please try to look after yourself, if he was a ‘feeder’ now’s a good time to try to get out of bad habits. Flowers

catlady3 · 08/09/2018 18:29

@Merryoldgoat I love you

RabbitsAreTasty · 08/09/2018 18:35

I bet the weight drops off you without such a dickhead dragging you down. Onwards and upwards. From now on there will only be cake in the house if you choose it.

Honeypickle · 08/09/2018 18:38

The “friend” that made the comment wasn’t the OW was it? Wishing you happiness in the future without such a cruel bastard in your life x

itbemay · 08/09/2018 18:41

He is BU by telling you this! How rude Thanks

AnoukSpirit · 08/09/2018 18:42

He’s eating healthily with me, encouraging me, he’s my biggest cheerleader.

This is how a decent human being who loved and respected you would behave.

AnnieAnoniMoose · 08/09/2018 18:43

I’m sorry the twat has hurt you again 🌷but hopefully before long you’ll see that you’ve actually had a lucky escape.

Look forwards, not backwards!

CripsSandwiches · 08/09/2018 18:44

His friend is a dick and your DH is a dick for telling you - knowing you're already insecure that's a horrible thing to tell you.

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