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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel pressured to sell my inheritance

98 replies

sayerville · 24/04/2018 22:16

DD is 22, currently living at home, working until her teacher training in Spetember. She wants her independence, hates living with her dad and wants to move out, however she won't have enough student loan to live on so....I inherited my parents home and I am currently renting, I offered her this place rent free but she (understandably) doesn't want to live there. I am thinking should I sell, buy something else, let her live in it for a while then rent later, or use the rent from this to pay her rent next year or, re-mortgage the inherited property and buy something else? She is adamant she is moving in Sept but I have also said there are other costs and I don't think she could afford to run a house on a student loan. I feel somewhat pressured but we can't carry on in this situation! I just want us all to live together in harmony until he can get a job to fund herself a year from September, it would be a hell of a lot cheaper all round. Ideas please?

OP posts:
ShamelesslyPlacemarking · 24/04/2018 23:08

She is being mardy. She's acting like an entitled brat, to be honest. Is that why she and her dad clash?

Petitepamplemousse · 24/04/2018 23:09

Teacher training courses do NOT leave enough time for a part time job.
OP, will she get any kind of bursary with the PGCE? I know only some subjects are eligible.
I don’t think you should sell the house. She could easily stay with you to save money. When she starts PGCE she will probably be grateful to be living at home as it leaves little time for anything but work and sleep.

Original poster
sayerville · 24/04/2018 23:11

petite this is what I was thinking...
No bursary for this course
And yes passed skills test....

OP posts:
Petitepamplemousse · 24/04/2018 23:12

Also, I mean, it doesn’t make sense to me she doesn’t want to live there even with memories of grandparents etc? You’re being extremely generous with your two offers on the table, she can choose to either take or leave them .

PyongyangKipperbang · 24/04/2018 23:12

She's acting like an entitled brat, to be honest.

Where did you get that from?!

She has not asked for anything and has turned down offers of help from the OP, the exact opposite of entitled in my book!

Glumglowworm · 24/04/2018 23:13

She wants her independence but she wants you to find it... that’s not how real life works!

She can either:

  • live at home and put up with her dad
  • live in halls
  • find a flatshare
  • live rent free in your inherited house

All perfectly viable options.

Not unreasonable to live off her savings while training for her future career. Its an investment in her future that will reward her with higher earning potential than she has currently.

Original poster
sayerville · 24/04/2018 23:14

It's a semi, too big and public transport not great, plus sad memories, I have issues myself going back and talk often of selling for this reason

OP posts:
PurpleCrazyHorse · 24/04/2018 23:14

Only sell if you want to especially as you rent. Is it somewhere you’d plan to live?

An option that might be worth looking at is selling and buying a student shared house in the uni town and letting it to DD and her friends. You can then draw an income going forward too. Obviously there are lots of other costs involved buying & selling, as well as being a landlord, which must be considered. However you’d continue to own a property, get an income from it and your DD could live there rent free.

You must do what is best for you thoughand in some ways living out why your parents left you their house. Lots depends on your circumstances and if you have other children I think.

Mummyoflittledragon · 24/04/2018 23:14

So shes doing a 1 year course. That means she’s got exactly one year before she gets a job and finds her financial independence and is able to move out. Don’t sell your inheritance for the sake of a year. She’s 22. I don’t mean to sound unkind but we are meant to struggle when we are young. It makes us resilient and hungry for more. It’s the struggling in our latter years, which is rubbish. You’ve finally got financial independence and the ability to move into your own rent free home if you choose. Why would you throw that away?

I’m not sure why you aren’t moving into your inherited house. You have a house, the best thing you can do if you want to support your daughter is move in. Failing that, rent it out and use some of the income to help your dd pay her own rent in a house share.

Slightlyperturbedowlagain · 24/04/2018 23:15

It’s only 1 year and it’s a very full-on course. Between Studying, teaching practice, sleeping and eating she won’t have much time to be worrying about where she lives.

Petitepamplemousse · 24/04/2018 23:15

Sayreville she’s definitely right in thinking she won’t have time for a job. Granted, I worked hard and got a distinction in mine, but I really did little other than essays, planning and teaching all year!

On the other hand I really don’t think you should sell your house.

C0untDucku1a · 24/04/2018 23:15

What do they clash over?

Crispbutty · 24/04/2018 23:16

Let her have her independence.. including supporting herself like most of us had to do at her age!

Petitepamplemousse · 24/04/2018 23:17

Even if she lives at home during PGCE she seriously barely see her Dad!

AJPTaylor · 24/04/2018 23:17

Dont do anything major for the sake of 12 months. Your dd can save plenty between now and sept. Or she could defer a year. It is her problem not yours.

Original poster
sayerville · 24/04/2018 23:18

I don't live there myself as we are fortunate to own our home.
Thank you ask for you comments, a lot make sense!

OP posts:
Original poster
sayerville · 24/04/2018 23:20

They clash over everything, he is difficult to live with. He can be annoying but that's another story!

OP posts:
Original poster
sayerville · 24/04/2018 23:21

The reason she's concerned is she knows it's full on and doesn't want the added stress of her dad around her

OP posts:
C0untDucku1a · 24/04/2018 23:22

Why are you wasting money on rent if youve been left a home?

C0untDucku1a · 24/04/2018 23:23

What exactly is her father doing that she doesn't want him around her annoying her and being difficult?

Can you speak to him about his behaviour?

Original poster
sayerville · 24/04/2018 23:25

We don't rent....
Spoke countless times re his behaviour, he just thinks he's right

OP posts:
Goshitshighuphere · 24/04/2018 23:28

Thats fabulous that you want to move out and we support your need for independence.
Remember that we are here if you need us
Do you want a lift with your stuff
Bye

I don't see why that is hard?

Goshitshighuphere · 24/04/2018 23:29

I have one doing a PGCE living at home. And one doing one next year going to live in halls. Same uni. Their choice.

yorkshireyummymummy · 24/04/2018 23:30

shes adamant she wants her independence

Well in that case ( after reading everything else you have to say) I think you both need to look up the dictionary definition of Independence as neither of you seem to know what it is. Stop offering her a house! Let her stand in her own two feet! She wants her independence- fab. Now let her go out and earn it then! She can do the course and work, tough shit if she’s ‘ sick of living in halls’ - you have to cut your coat cording to the cloth don’t you.
Do what normal parents do - let her learn that the world isn’t quite as green as she might think it is. Let her grow up and learn to stand on her own. Slip her the odd £100 and get Tesco to deliver a food delivery every month. Treat her to lunch and a pair of shoes. But DONT be selling your bloody inheritance to give her ‘ independence ‘. - don’t you see how that is not giving her any independence at all and just setting her up for a massive fall- because, trust me, real,life will catch up with her one day and bite her on the bum!

SeraphinaDombegh · 24/04/2018 23:31

Ahhhhh OP, in your first post did you mean to say that you're renting out your parents' home? Because it did sound like you meant that you were renting the home you live in.