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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel pressured to sell my inheritance

98 replies

sayerville · 24/04/2018 22:16

DD is 22, currently living at home, working until her teacher training in Spetember. She wants her independence, hates living with her dad and wants to move out, however she won't have enough student loan to live on so....I inherited my parents home and I am currently renting, I offered her this place rent free but she (understandably) doesn't want to live there. I am thinking should I sell, buy something else, let her live in it for a while then rent later, or use the rent from this to pay her rent next year or, re-mortgage the inherited property and buy something else? She is adamant she is moving in Sept but I have also said there are other costs and I don't think she could afford to run a house on a student loan. I feel somewhat pressured but we can't carry on in this situation! I just want us all to live together in harmony until he can get a job to fund herself a year from September, it would be a hell of a lot cheaper all round. Ideas please?

OP posts:

ToothyMcPuthy · 24/04/2018 22:45

No OP. Don’t sell your inheritance.

You’ve been very kind to offer her a home rent free, she’s declined. Not many 22 year olds would be given this option.

minipie · 24/04/2018 22:47

So she doesn't want to live with her parents.
Doesn't want to live in a house shed's been offered rent free.
Doesn't want to find a flat share or house share.

The real world is going to be a bit of a shock to her. Please don't rent somewhere else for her, you'll only be continuing her unrealistic expectations and doing her no favours long term. Living at home is a perfectly good solution (assuming no abuse) and living in your parents' home rent free is a generous solution. No obligation on you to offer more and as I say it will not be helpful to her long term if you do.

Goshitshighuphere · 24/04/2018 22:49

She will get place in halls if a 1st year or PGCE. Depends on where in the country but £5k at my DS and DD unis. Self catering, ensuite, all bills included no hassle.

How much loan is she eligible for? The system expects you and her father to contribute but she can get a job. How much has she saved working this year? My DS has saved enough to live on for the whole of next year C£10k.

Daisymay2 · 24/04/2018 22:50

Sorry, I am all for supporting children through education but she is being ridiculous. I presume she could stay at home or live in the house you have generously offered and she has declined. Presumably she could have sharers to help her financially in your inherited house?
I think you have been generous and it is now down to her to sort out. I thought there were some bursaries for PGCE in some subjects?
Don't sell your inheritance!

Somersetter · 24/04/2018 22:50

Can she get a student loan during her PGCE year? If so, would that cover her rent in a student flatshare?

Why doesn't she want to live with her dad?

TrollTheRespawnJeremy · 24/04/2018 22:50

Let her have a go at sorting it for herself. She's a grown woman. Clearly fairly educated. She'll figure it out.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 24/04/2018 22:51

Jesus wept.

She’s a grown up, she’s telling you she wants to be an adult and live like one. Stop hand holding and bloody well let her do it. Part and parcel of that is figuring shit like this out for yourself

ButchyRestingFace · 24/04/2018 22:51

I inherited my parents home and I am currently renting, I offered her this place rent free but she (understandably) doesn't want to live there.

Why is it understandable?

I imagine most people would bite your hand off at that offer.

Cheerymom · 24/04/2018 22:53

I am flabbergasted that a grown up refused free rent ( twice ). Sorry OP but your daughter needs a reality check.

Viviennemary · 24/04/2018 22:54

If she doesn't want to live there that's up to her. But I don't think you should sell this property just because your DD doesn't want to live in it. Help her out financially if you can but that's far too big a decision to make on where your DD wants to live.

Goshitshighuphere · 24/04/2018 22:54

between now and september she will earn enough almost to pay her halls rent for a year- even if she is just working at a minimum wage job. At 22 working 40 hours a week is £7.38 so £300 a week for 4 months.

legolammb · 24/04/2018 22:54

You've offered her a solution and she's turned it down. She now needs to sort out a flat share and/or pt job. It's in her own interests for you to be a bit harsh and get her to stand on her own 2 feet slightly - I speak as someone who was a bit spoilt and struggled when I eventually had responsibility.

Goshitshighuphere · 24/04/2018 22:55

your selling and moving costs will be much more than giving her a couple of thousand to top up her loan/ savings

Original poster

sayerville · 24/04/2018 22:56

She and her dad are always arguing, they clash. She knows she'll be stressed next year ( already been a student previous three years and did well with a 1st but found it hard). As it was her grandparents home she has memories and I understand that.

OP posts:

Goshitshighuphere · 24/04/2018 22:57

she can go into halls

GabsAlot · 24/04/2018 23:02

sayer is she your only child

she sounds a bit spoilt to me-youve offered her a place for free how many others get that-but its too emotinal for her thats her problem then she either stays put or house shares-

why are u even considering selling it i dont know

PyongyangKipperbang · 24/04/2018 23:02

she would have to be using her savings to live off which isn't a good idea, until she has finished her course.

Why isnt it a good idea?

DD took a years deferment so she could work and save to help her through Uni, I am not in a position to help her.

As a result she has no overdraft, no CC debt, minimal student debt (NHS course so her fees were paid) and crucially, a far more sensible and realistic approach to money than many of her peers. The whole point of her having her savings was to live on at Uni, she can start building up savings again when she is working.

She is 22, an adult, so start treating her like one. She may make mistakes but as they say, you learn from your mistakes than from your successes.

EightdaysaweekIloveu · 24/04/2018 23:03

Don't sell, you would be giving her the easy option. Not to sound harsh but she has to grow up. You are being too kind to her, she won't learn anything by it in the long run.

Like others, I had to work 4-5 nights a week while doing a degree, then a masters, I was exhausted but I did it. I paid for my rent and living costs myself.

jocktamsonsbairn · 24/04/2018 23:03

You absolutely can work during a pgce!! I managed it as a single parent of 2 kids (no help whatsoever from their 'df' so didn't even have a child free weekend) and a part time job, paying a mortgage with full student loan. It was bloody hard work but I was awarded a court medal for coming top in my year so it is definitely doable without affecting grades. She doesn't have dependents do there's no reason why she can't work.

Original poster

sayerville · 24/04/2018 23:04

No bursary for primary....the best solution would for her to not waste her money on rent but be supported at home or find someone to house share with as shes sick of halls. But she's adamant she wants her independence, I think we have supported her enough and have said when she's ready we will help with a deposit for a house but not yet as she obviously can't get a mortgage yet. I want to help but feel she's being mardy

OP posts:

Goshitshighuphere · 24/04/2018 23:06

But she's adamant she wants her independence

Then she claims a loan, uses her savings and gets a job. Simple. She can earn enough to keep herself for the year with the basic loan between now and the end of August.

minipie · 24/04/2018 23:06

Lots of young adults argue with their parents. The solution is to learn to get along to a reasonable extent, or to find somewhere affordable (and yes probably not as nice as she'd like) to move out.

If you subsidise her to move somewhere she can't afford on her own, just to stop her arguing with her dad, what does that teach her?

Of course she has memories, so what? Presumably they are nice memories?

Goshitshighuphere · 24/04/2018 23:06

Has she passed her skills tests yet?

PyongyangKipperbang · 24/04/2018 23:07

I want to help but feel she's being mardy

Well she doesnt want your help, perhaps she thinks htat you are being controlling.

If you dont want to start falling out with her too, accept that as a grown woman she is entitled to make her own decisions whether you agree with them or not.

minipie · 24/04/2018 23:07

she's adamant she wants her independence

Surely this means she doesn't want your money, then?

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