Scared of motorways and dual carriageways

[Upupupup]

I passed my driving test almost two years ago and got a car last year.

But I am still scared stiff when it comes to going on motorways! So I’ve avoided it.

In fact, I don’t like going anywhere I don’t know especially if it involves a drive over 15 miles. Dual carriageways and strange big roundabouts also cause me to panic. I feel I’ll never be over it, which really restricts me.

When I go somewhere new I look up the whole journey on google maps, and will take a longer way round using a sat nav if I don’t like the look of it. I also drive slower than the speed limit in areas I don’t know as I don’t know what’s around the corner. This makes drivers behind frustrated, hooting me and gesturing.

Anyone else feel like this?

Give extra lessons a try. I did pass plus shortly after passing my test which concentrated on motorway driving and it made such a difference to be guided through good practice on some of the busiest and complex sections of the motorway network.

Speed on a NSL is very subjective to that road's conditions. Some roads are suitable for 60mph, many are not. Some are variable and have stretches where visibility is good and you can speed up, then slower, bendy/ poor visibility sections. Some drivers are impatient arseholes who will tailgate at whatever speed you do be it below, at or above the speed limit. Getting guidence from an instructor so you have more confidence in your judgement and can work out if it's you or them.

Cars vary too. DH's car is more responsive than mine. For mine, I have to anticipate and gear appropriately to maximise acceleration for say overtaking. DH's car has a greater tolerance for reactive driving.

I know where you are coming from.

After passing my test I had little reason to drive so I got very out of practice. When I met and married DH he did all the driving so I didn't have to. Eventually I became so nervous behind the wheel I couldn't really drive at all. I ended up going for refresher lessons and the instructor told me this wasn't at all unusual and lots of people do this. Four lessons was all it took to get me going again.

Even then I remained nervous about motorways and avoided them. Then we were planning a holiday where we would drive from our home in the North West of England to south of Florence. DH said he couldn't do it all and we would have to share. I had a bit of practice on motorways before we went then set off scared stiff. Honestly I found French motorways a piece of cake and was quickly at home on them.

After that I was less nervous about UK motorways too.

TBH they are still not my favourite thing but I can cope with them when I have to.

My instructor told me when I passed my test to get onto a motorway as soon as possible and initially at a time when it is generally quieter. He also told me that there is no point in panicking if you find you are in the wrong lane , miss your junction , take the wrong exit , wait until it is safe to turn around , go off at the next junction etc and have another bash at it .
Massive roundabouts are tricky , but the beauty of them is that they are roundabouts , I think my record is 8 times round the same one as I figured out which exit I needed to take and where to position myself to take it

OP do a pass plus course, I fully intend to do that.

My ex driving instructor has offered to do a couple of lessons with me before I take that plunge though. Maybe that would work for you. I think it’ll make you feel better.

You can take some more lessons even though you’ve passed already. It might help your confidence.

When I first passed my test at 17 years old (35 years ago!!) I didn't have a car for a while so didn't drive much at all. Then I got a small car which I used to drive everywhere in and around London (where I lived) when I needed it, which wasn't very often. I didn't like driving much either and never drove on a motorway as I never had any need. I still remember driving places and being anxious the whole time that I would have to drive home.

When I met my first husband at 23 I had never driven on a motorway and as we lived in Greater London. As he was a confident driver (and a bossy/overbearing passenger) I never drove on on a motorway or with him in the car and only rarely drove anywhere by myself.

Eventually aged 31 after I was divorced and living with a friend, she asked me to drive us to a party (she was going to drink and I wasn't) and we needed to go on a motorway to get there. I was really nervous about this and said so. She just said, 'don't be silly, you have to start somewhere". So I did the 1hr drive on the motorway, it was fine and I have not looked back. I think the fact that my friend trusted me and really didn't leave me a lot of choice helped me overcome my worries.

So overall, it took me 14 years from when I passed my test to drive on a motorway and probably 6-7 years from when I passed to stop feeling worried about the possibility of an accident every time I drove anywhere. Compared to that you are doing fine!!

I now drive everywhere and enjoy it so can't imagine feeling like this now but I certainly used to

Don't give up trying. Have some advanced lessons to get you used to driving pm dual carriageways and motorways

Also for people who avoid motorways - Some statistics to bear in mind

This data from 2013 suggest that of all traffic
20% is on motorways which account for 6% of car crash fatalities.
40% of traffic is on urban roads which account for 32% of fatalities
40% of traffic is on rural roads which account for 62% of fatalities

Given this, I would be avoiding slower rural roads rather than motorways!!

assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/448037/road-fatalities-2013-data.pdf

I think feeling like this is fairly common...and to be fair, driving a car is by far the most dangerous thing most of us will ever do. Some comments on here are ridiculous. 1500 people get killed in car accidents each year so it's not an irrational fear.

However if you want to drive, at some point you just have to get on with it. For a start panicking will do you no good. You need to learn to deal with your emotions. Basically the worst that is likely to happen if you missjudge a junction or roundabout is that you come off at the wrong exit. It's not the end of the world. Other than that, watch your mirrors, drive at a speed appropriate to the conditions and use your indicators. Don't make any sudden lane changes and avoid sharp braking - try and be predictable to other drivers. Do short trips and practise at a quiet location/time of day to begin with. Turn off radio and all distractions. Tell yourself you will just get on the motorway and then off at the next junction and build up slowly. Commonly people go too slow when joining a motorway - try to match the traffic speed or go at least 50 mph, put your indicator on, and people will get out of the way.

I totally get where you are coming from, and I have been driving for well over 30 years now.

I'm a fairly local driver these days. I am totally fine on my own patch, but am not too keen on going off it if not absolutely necessary.

I rarely drive long distances now, and only occasionally on motorways. I used to do it, and am OK with it if I really have to, but I really don't like it much. I will happily drive to any of the local stations though and plan a longer journey by train. I am just so much more relaxed that way.

Practice does help, of course it does. However, I totally understand people who find driving stressful and nerve wracking. Not all of us can take naturally to it.

Practice is the only answer. Have some advanced lessons and get out and drive as often as you can.
I learnt to drive as a teenager and I can remember being terrified of busy town traffic, but I got over it with the help of my instructor. I used to run with sweat and felt out of control, it was horrible, so you have my sympathy. I ended up as a police advanced driver in my twenties, which surprised even me! A good calm instructor is worth their weight in gold.

Get some advanced lessons it will really help.

I'm exactly the same as you OP. I do t mind a drive that takes ages and I do drive at the speed limit, but I avoid motorways. I've been known to add a good hour onto a journey in my bid to avoid them. I think I've been on the M6 once since I passed my test 2 years ago. I know everyone always says stay in the slow lane and don't overtake, but it's not as easy as that.

Ignore stupid people who tell you you're not fit to drive. Obviously you are or you wouldn't have passed your test.

That's crap actually. People pass the test & then become over-cautious wrecks, crawling along & scared of their own accelerator when they have to sit in a car on their own & there's no "backup" in the passenger seat.

I was out cycling at lunchtime along country lanes & there were 2 types of car driver behind me -

Those that could overtake confidently, giving loads of room, as soon as there was a stretch where they could see far enough and those who would pootle along behind me for ages, missing opportunity after opportunity to go past.

It's pretty intimidating when they're sitting up your arse when you're on a bike - and then they'd creep past really close.... All I could think about was the MNers who never reach the NSL on country roads.....

I realise confidence can take a bit to build up, but the only way you'll get it is to get out there & tackle the things that worry you head on.

Totally with you OP. I learned to drive late and did not take to it easily, and I will still do almost anything to avoid having to drive. Have never yet driven on my own on the motorway and the prospect terrifies me.

Contact you local IAM group www.IAM.org.uk

They will help you get more confidence :-)

Another vote for the Pass Plus course, it helped me massively with motorway driving, rural driving and night driving.

I’m getting warning messages from that link

OP has not said she drives at snail pace. She is just nervous about motorways or dual carriageway and drives at 50mph when the limit is 60 on narrow bendy roads?
It's not about her driving ability but her confidence and anxiety.
I passed my test first time. I had motorway instruction after that. My instructor thought I was at a high standard.
My DP was a professional driver and also a rally driver as a hobby. He considered me to he a competent, capable and safe driver and he despairs at the quality of most drivers on the road but as far as I was concerned it was how I felt whilst driving on certain roads. I felt sick and nervous. Other drivers also.put me off with their impatience and bad driving.
I stopped driving when it developed into panic. My whole family are disappointed and think I am mad to have given up.
OP may be the same, or she may just need more in-depth training with a patient and expert instructor.

You know, it isn't unreasonable to be nervous about a style of driving that you are unfamiliar with. It's quite possible that when learning to drive, you never went much above 40 so 70 ish will feel very fast.

It's worth bearing in mind that if you are going slowly on the motorway (by that, I mean slower than the other traffic), it will be more frightening as other cars will be rushing past you. The trick with motorway driving (as with pretty much all driving) is observation. You should be noticing what cars three ahead are doing and know what the colour of the car behind you is without needing to look in your rearview mirror.

From what you've said, it doesn't sound as though you are a bad driver. Doing 50 or 60 mph on a single lane country road sounds reasonable - the limit will be 60mph but if a country road has mud, tractors, lots of bends then there is no way I'd do 60 on there.

I should also say that I dislike country roads most of all. Mainly because they are where I have experienced the most aggression from other drivers. Just because some dude in a van is happy to do 75 / 80 on the straight bit of country road doesn't mean that I am.

The first few times you go on a motorway, have a relaxed passenger with you (not my Dad, who shrieks and clutches the seat if I go above 40mph).

Reading all these driving threads I’ve come to the conclusion that the biggest obstacle to gaining confidence and skill is having a DH/DP. All these women who won’t drive on motorways/dual carriageways/long journeys/after dark can only get away with being selective as they have someone else who will drive them. If they were single they’d have to either become skilled or not drive anywhere.

I was the same as you for years. Just refused to go on them (well, motorways). For me it wasn't so much being on them but joining them.

Then I realised I was being a massive twat, very helpless and limiting myself so just manned up and made myself go on them.

At first I had huge sweats and palipitations but then after a while realised that I was just doing it without thinking about it.

This weekend I am going on holiday by myself to the outer hebrides and driving there alone from Yorkshire. I would never have done that before.

So you can get over it, you just need to try and face your fears!

I passed my test then went to university - no money or need for a car. I then lived in London for a number of years, again no real need for a car. It meant I didn't build up any experience and getting back in to driving was a shock.

I definitely recommend extra lessons. I spoke to my instructor before hand and she was sympathetic and understanding, so I felt comfortable with her. I only needed 2 lessons (2 hours long) and it boosted my confidence.

We now live semi-rurally and I'd be stuffed without a car.

@AlexaAmibidextra perhaps men don't admit it as easily, and of course there is a huge bias in posters here because it's mostly women, but I know several men who don't drive/can't drive/will only drive selectively. So it's not a women-only issue. It is a confidence issue.

So it's not a women-only issue. It is a confidence issue.

Yes, I know 3 men who refuse to learn to drive (including my brother). So not just women.

Move to Norfolk op, nobody rushes around here. When we visit family in the southeast, we go from being one of the fastest things on the road to one of the slowest (and in the oldest car by miles)

More seriously - I 45th(or so) the suggestion of advanced lessons. I wish I'd done them when I first passed. Other than that, practice, practice, practice. If someone climbs into the boot, pull over when safe to do so and let them crack on (it is totally acceptable to fantasise about gliding serenely past them as they are unharmed but with their vehicle in a ditch five minutes later). Your confidence will grow with hours behind the wheel.