Reporting a friend for Ben fraud

[username1423]

I have been thinking about it a long long time. I feel sick reporting her but at the same time sick of her dishonesty.
She is claiming benefits for her young son and a council place. She’s openly told me she gets a lot from government.

He on the other hand has a lot of money and is using her flat as a place to stay as he still lives with his mum and dad.
I didn’t report because she’s had a rough time and she kept telling me he’d use his money to pay for a place for them all soon.

However, she’s now been with this guy for about 3 years and he has a lot of money and is very flashy and open about it. Her ds even has a car seat in the back of his new Porsche sports car.
Im torn as a friend as I think she deserves to have an ok time as she’s had a rough time in last few years with ds absent dad but now she could be with this guy and living with him and working but she’s choosing to keep council place as in her words ‘she’d rather put the money on designer clothes and champagne’
Aibu to report her or should I just stay out of it. I feel like I can’t be her friend and meeting up with her is awful as recently she’s been buying things on the bf credit card and then selling them to me to get cash and I only found out she was doing it through another friend and I told her I wasn’t comfortable as the bf thought my f has bought the stuff for me as a present and doesn’t know she’s been selling me the items so when I see him I don’t say thanks and he’s told me he thinks I’m rude not saying thanks for what my friend got me etc, I’ve never told him.
She’s been so dishonest with me I feel like it’s time to report now because it’s getting way out of hand,I recently watched her pay £1k for a designer dress and then go back to her council place where he’s always there!
But I don’t want to be a nasty person!

I can see this from both sides.

It is frustrating if she is claiming, we pay taxes to pay for her beniffits.

On the other hand reporting her isn’t going to make our tax bills any less and is just going to cause trouble for you and her.

It’s actually quite hard to prove if he is living there or not, there used to be a 3 night rule (someone could stay 3 nights a week) but now this has changed. If all his post is still going to his mums, he keeps most of his things at his mums and is paying his mum rent then technically he is living at his mums. It’s not as easy as it used to be to prove anything. It’s probably not worth the hassle.

That’ll be one of those “celibacy edict” letters that the government that they send out to poor women 😂

You're not being unreasonable if she is claiming benefits whilst living with this guy.
However she is still entitled to live in the council flat so there is no fraud there. Report the potential benefit fraud and it will be investigated. I'm sure you aren't the only person who has noticed their set up.

That’s another thing, who are these people who show visitors all their important letters regarding benefits? who does that?!

I’m more likely to show someone my knickers than my tax credit claim letter. I just wouldn’t. And yet every time these fucking awful threads pop up (at least weekly it seems) the OP/other ill informed posters insist that they’ve seen the letters or whatever so they know for certain what they’re talking about 🤔

battleax I’ve reported your personal insult to me.

freudian I’m no expert on the law, but if she’s not doing anything wrong, she has nothing to lose if she’s investigated.

I asked on here because I don’t think it’s ok when I know people are waiting for council places and she’s telling me that the only reason she won’t rent with him is because she doesn’t need to she’s better off staying where she is

And so she is. In her position there's no way I'd be giving up a secure council tenancy until he, in the words of the great Beyonce, put a ring on it.

Tart it makes it very hard to date. It’s actually very unfair on the man too because if they do move in they then have to pay everything for the single parent and her child/children, why should he pay for her and her child? My ex is in a similar position, he’s dating someone who does not work, she has 2 chilren, he stays there a few nights a week, he can’t afford to move in with her as he would have to pay all the rent on her 3 bed house (he will be paying to house her and her children whilst he spends most of the time working), it seems very unfair, so he lives somewhere else but someone has reported it (a lovely neighbour).

Well what are we to make of;

OP I always assume mumsnet is full of benefit cheats, ??

Hardness of thinking seems the kindness interpretation minty.

Exactly Tartan which is why I personally wouldn’t ever report anyone incase I was wrong- how awful would it be if they got into rent arrears or struggled to eat or couldn’t afford to get to work so lost their job because someone got the wrong end of the stick?

If they are living together and she is claiming as a single person then yes she is committing benefit fraud which is a crime. It's up to you whether or not you report her.

battleax you are being rude to me. Calling someone “hard of thinking” is very insulting. I’m surprised you can’t see that. It’s personal and individual. I doubt you conduct your face-to-face interactions in that way.

You’re being rude to all of us.

I’m trying to make excuses for you 🤷🏻‍♀️

I agree that technically all benefit fraud should be reported.

However I just couldn’t do it myself, I don’t know why, I just couldn’t...

I wouldn't report her but I would tell her I think she is defrauding the system. I would just disapprove and tell her I am not reporting her but the way she is going on someone will. I couldn't be a friend with a thief

I'm torn as "I think" she deserves to have an okay time.
Not at the expense of tax payers who actually get off their arse and go out to work

You are confused anyway. She doesn't have to move out of a council house if she has more money it doesn't work like that.

And d by be so awful she sounds like she's in an awful situation. You should be being a friend to her not trying to make things worse.

YANBU - with regard to a certain aspect....if she is claiming any single parent benefits, while her boyfriend us living with her, that is 1000% fraudulent.

Tell her boyfrirnd she sold the goods to you, they werent gifts.
Cut all ties, she's no genuine friend to use you to make money.
Report her, if you feel it's correct. If she's doing nothing wrong, she's nothing to worry about

Ps. Mumsnet/AIBU is unrealible for ppl piling on with bad energy imo. Its more entertaining than helpful ime. Ie. Dont take the comments to heart.

Where does he get all that money from, to buy an new Porsche?

OP, like many people who rant about benefit cheats, has no evidence whatsoever

That rather depends on what her friend has shown her or told her. As pp have pointed out, there are a number of benefits which she isn't eligible for if she has a partner and I suspect someone living with her for 7 days a week and finding her slightly lavish lifestyle would count as a partner.

I just don't understand the people who say, oh there'll be no more money for the nhs or whatever if you report her. Well why don't we all claim lots of unneeded benefits - there'll still be plenty for the nhs.

*funding