To think people are treated differently because of their names

[Springhun]

I’ve always hated my surname. It sounds weird and some people’s even find it funny. Because of this I’ve always felt embarrassed about it.

I have been treated badly by teachers in the past, as well as people at work, despite me being perfectly nice and hardworking. It sounds bizarre, but sometimes I wonder if it’s my name. A name is a part of a person’s identity, and my name doesn’t sound nice at all.

This probably sounds crazy, but years ago I remember hearing about a study, where teachers were asked to mark essays from different pupils. One essay was submitted twice with different names, and one scored higher despite them being the same work. It’s stuck with me and made me think our names do define us and affect how we’re treated.

If you don't like your name then change it.

This probably sounds crazy, but years ago I remember hearing about a study, where teachers were asked to mark essays from different pupils. One essay was submitted twice with different names, and one scored higher despite them being the same work. It’s stuck with me and made me think our names do define us and affect how we’re treated.

Hmmn well that's just lazy teachers IMO. My best friend and I noticed that I always got CD type grades whereas she always got BA type grades from our RE teacher (this was 1970s).. So I wrote hers and she copied it into her book and she wrote mine. She still got the better grades. We wrote exactly the same piece other than different first and last sentences. She still got better grades. So then we started peppering our work with odd sentences eg 'yesterday I popped a yellow balloon' or 'I am stuck on the roof please send a ladder to get me down' Not noticed.
So we just resigned ourselves to the fact the teacher thought she was better at RE than me, and never bothered to read our work.

My first name and last name are absolutely bizarre and I've struggled all my life with it . Definitely creates a barrier especially when you look particularly different too. As a result I've given my children really simple, easy to pronounce , unremarkable but lovely names

trueblueari, how did you find the adjustment period after changing your name? Did friends/family get used to it? I’m changing my name soon and have so much anxiety about it do you find that you need to reference your old name often, eg references, education certificates etc? Thanks

I’m English but I have a weird forename. No one expects it to be my name. I wouldn’t say I have been ostracised but people do treat you differently. It’s just little things like throughout my life my friends have given me nicknames not associated with my name at all, and I’m often referenced as ‘my girl’ ‘my friend’ etc when people talk about me rather than my name. They just avoid saying it lol. People expect me to act like my name almost, when in reality I’m a normal young woman.

Once an employee at lush asked my name. I then said something like ‘I have just finished work’. He asked where I work and then said ‘oh wow, I didn’t realise that X company employs people of colour. It’s a good thing that people of colour can progress there’. At first I was confused as I am not a person of colour, and thought he was weird. But then it dawned on me that it was probably his experience of working at lush and that he personally felt ostracised (he was Asian) which made me feel really sorry for him

My surname is unusual and some people find it funny. I used to long to get married, just so I could get rid of it. But the name became part of me, had spent years defending it in the playground (and I couldn't be faffed with the admin) so I kept it. Funny how things turn out. In reply to the OP yes people do judge names, but you can choose whether or not to care.

Yes. It's one of the very few things about which Shakespeare was wrong.

I hope all the parents considering barmy names for their babies read this thread. Maybe it should be copied to the baby names section.

Yeah but now you’re called awwlookatmybabyspider 😉

I remember someone posting on Chat about whether they should use the spelling Lexi-Mai or Lexi-Mae for their imminent DD. People posted that they weren't keen, but that Alexandra with May as a middle name would be very naice.

There was also one where a boy name associated with black children was suggested, and loads of posters jumped in with a very similar name that was Cornish, saying how much more classy it sounded. I can't recall the names now.

i have a VERY 'white' name but I'm not white and my family is very much from a different culture and love their culture so have no idea why they picked it.
I love it though but it's just other people never expect it to be my name

Yep, it's called unconscious bias

Read Freakamomics for a really interesting view on this topic. You will call your kids traditional names if you do!

My parents gave me a terrible, awful English first name. As immigrants, I don't think they realised how awful it was, in modern society. I changed it years ago by deed poll as a birthday present to myself.
With my old name, I got constant quips and downright rudeness. I don't think anyone could believe that in this day and age anyone could really call a baby that. I was treated as weird, which I could cope with, but my poor parents were treated as weird and stupid.

@lhastingsmakeup I hardly ever have to reference my old name. Some family members still occasionally use my old name, one in particular just to be a cow, but most people got used to my new name pretty much straight away.

I think family accepted it because they knew I despised my old name - my best friend's dad's first memory of me is that I cried every time he spoke to me and he thought I was scared of him until I told best friend that it was because he was calling me that name. I used to regularly cry over it at home from the age of 3/4 and write other names on my school work. Every Christmas from age 4 - 12 when I stopped writing Christmas lists, the first thing on my list was a new name. So it was a shock to no one when I changed it!

I now have friends and colleagues who have no idea Arietta isn't my birth name. That Name is no longer part of my life. And any hassle during the transition period is well worth it for that.

On a works night out I remember to a chatting to a friend of a colleague. She was a teacher who had recently moved from 'challenging' state school to public school. I asked her what she felt was the most obvious difference, she replied 'The lack of 'K's' on the register'. She went on to say. 'You know, Kyles, Kaleigh's, Kourtney's, Kai's, Kacy's, Kadens'. The implication was that above was a sign of 'challenging' behaviour.

She did have the decency to look uncomfortable when someone used my 'K' (although none of the above) name later.

My name is usually associated with stern, aloof, immaculately presented women (in my experience of others called the same). Clients formed an opinion before meeting me which needed to be broken down before I could start building a relationship. I decided to use a slight alternative which is more friendly sounding. Big difference both personally and professionally. Hard to explain without giving myself away and darnright weird but it works for me.

There will always be a certain amount of assumptions about names and I do wonder if parents think about this when naming their off spring.
How many people when being introduced to someone called Kayleigh think 'oh their parents must have liked that song' When Neighbours first arrived in the U.K there was suddenly a lot of Scott/Jason, Charlene/Kylie named babies. How many Brooklyns are there nowadays. And how many people if they heard of a child called Brooklyn would think of anything but the Beckhams?

I have a relative who changed her very very 'normal' surname to a very posh sounding double barrelled name using her original name.

Pretty much exactly what the Duchess of Wessex's father did IIRC to become 'Rhys Jones'

Which is all fine but her children think it's their original, real surname and don't appear to know they've had a deed poll change. They don't declare the change on documents and despite them both being mid twenties and having applied for various visas there doesn't seem to be a problem.

They are treated differently though. I've seen it for decades and it fascinates me because people also assume they are well off when I know they live on the never never, lie about their background (only the mother - children don't know) and owe thousands to friends and family.

See i never think of double barrelled surnames as being posh. But I do assume parents aren't married and they have mum and dads surnames. Wouldn't make me treat them any differently to anyone else though.

I have been killing myself laughing at all of the hand wringing champagne corbynistas I went to school with who mercilessly took the piss out of my very obviously foreign surname who are now going round calling everything under the sun racist. Look in the mirror, darlings! Have experienced a lot of low key discrimination over the years - had to send off evidence of my right to work in the UK for a job once, when nobody else the manager had ever hired had been asked that, and indeed the application form asked for my place of birth, which was an English town, my national insurance number and my nationality, which was obviously British. When I got married nearly a decade ago I changed my name to one of the most common names in the UK and I still haven't got over the novelty of the anonymity of it. I can order pizzas and taxis with ease! There are other people with my name in the country that I'm not directly related to! Nobody feels the need to comment on where I'm "from". Fuck knows what I'm going to do if I get divorced. Not going back to that shitshow.

Also your name impacts your career - Lauras and Lawrences are over represented in legal work for example

I have a friend who is British Asian who went to a top uni and got a first in Law. He applied for so many internships? and didn't receive one to the shock of many. Someone suggested that he shift a few letters around in his name to make it 'english' and from then on submit two identical applications but with one english name and the other his actual name. He was a bit gutted that his English applications suddenly started receiving offers and I believe he took a case against a firm and won.

I think we prejudge on lots of things. My husband has a gap between his front teeth and even though he's well paid higher management he has definitely hit a glass ceiling and almost sure it's because he doesn't have the right look. My children all have unusual names and while I love them they can be seen as a bit chav and my eldest (studying law) has had this mentioned sadly. Maybe I should have gone for classic names but we as a family love them all

I think when CBBC were looking for a childrens entertainer, Mr Tumble had it in the bag.

As PP have said, t'was ever thus. My Irish/Indian/Portuguese DGM told me she got rejected for jobs in the 1930's as her Portuguese surname made people assume she was dark skinned.

Humans are very tribal, the British show it particularly through class. Though many will deny it, it forms part of our unconscious biases. Names are very often class markers, as well as racial markers, and a way of figuring out quickly if that person is likely to be like you, part of your tribe. It’s indoctrinated into us from birth and it’s pretty hard to switch off.

Oh yeah, I know a number of people in workplaces and schools, and suchlike, who will definitely judge someone called Chardonnay, Sharna, Chantelle, Madison, Xander, Connor, and Tyler differently to someone called Harriett, Olivia, Elizabeth, Charlotte, Victoria, Emma, Harry, or Charlie.

I know several teachers who say that if a child has a certain type of name, that they will probably be a handful, and come from a dysfunctional family, with lots of siblings with different surnames. Whether it's right or wrong to say this, there is something in it.

@squarecorners I am dying to know what your name is now!

But yeah I do know what you mean about the Champagne Corbynistas. Can't stand them for so many different reasons!

My daughters have got 'classic' Christian names, and we have what is classed a 'posh' surname, and every single job they have ever applied for they have got an interview for, and all but one, they have got. One of them went for a student placement (when she was at uni,) at a very 'highbrow' place a few years ago, (for 8 weeks.)

She got it, and was told (after a few weeks,) that it had been between her and 4 others, and they were all good, but she was picked based on her name. (Christian name and surname.) It wasn't JUST the name, as she had lots going for her, but it was her ' classy' name that tipped the balance.

Rightly or wrongly, people will judge you on your name.

@sweeneytoddrazor

See I never think of double barrelled surnames as being posh. But I do assume parents aren't married and they have mum and dads surnames.

No. When people have double-barrelled surnames, it's usually when their parents are actually married. Never known a child have a double barrelled surname when the parents AREN'T married. A child of an unmarried couple almost always has the man's surname.