To ask for your advice on how to stay calm and not get stressed so easily?

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AIBU to ask for your advice on how to stay calm, even in challenging situations?

I tend to get stressed quite easily, which isn’t helpful or very healthy.

I think some of it is learned behaviour, as most people in my family get quite stressed quite easily, and I’ve probably picked up on their strategies on dealing with difficult situation and adopted these strategies.

I’d really like to change the way I deal with stress and frustration, as I think it would be much easier to deal with stressful situations if I dealt with them calmly and rationally.

Could anyone help, please?

Thanks :)

Bump :)

I get easily frustrated in stressful situations and have found one strategy is to slow down my speech. It’s taken me years to realise that very few situations require instant solutions, so now I try not to worry about sorting stuff out immediately. I also found it quite freeing to admit I don’t know what to do when things get difficult.

Following. I get horribly stressed and shouty.

Breathe in deeply through the nose, hold for a slow count to 5, then breathe out slowly through the mouth. Repeat as needed.

This works well for me.

I found CBT to be incredibly helpful in this sort of situation. This is exactly the sort of thing that CBT is designed to help with: it aims to correct unhelpful thought patterns, and to encourage more resilience and calm.

I only had about five sessions, and my GP referred me so I didn't have to pay. But as it's so quick it shouldn't be too expensive if you pay for it yourself.

I've had periods of stressy times at work, and getting wound-up by it. What I used to do was, if I recognised that I was starting to get irritated by things, was to draw a really small smiley face on my hand somewhere.

If something was starting to rattle me, I'd just glance at it, smile, and remember that nothing's important enough to lose it over.

That and

You need to step back!

I have a friend who's the same and ends up either over reacting or spends loads of money on something that waiting would've cost nothing - it's sheer panic! It also makes her kids think there's something to panic about and they are stressed and anxious at school.

Step back asses and if in doubt do nought!

I often have periods at work that are very stressful with lots of things to juggle.

I usually make a list and prioritise what needs to be done in what order.

Taking deep breaths and counting to ten also helps.

I'm cool, calm and collected in high stress and crisis situations. Fuck all use at any other type of situation, but I seem to do good crisis. In stressful situations, I tend to enter the twilight zone of concentration and am too busy concentrating to get panicky/worked up.

I have no advice on how to achieve this zen like calm in the face of stress or catastrophe, but there can be a downside to it too, OP.

@MachineBee that's really interesting about the pace of speech...I'll try that out

I've tried something called Square Breathing, which helps sometimes...

dopaminedialogue.wordpress.com/2010/07/06/square-breathing-treatment-for-anxiety-without-using-medication/

Reading PPs I haven’t done CBT but they suggest the breathing thing and I think that’s very similar to what I’ve found works for me.

I know people who swear by this site -- www.calm.com/

There's another one called Headspace that's also supposed to be very helpful (short meditation exercises etc.) www.headspace.com/

Hope these help, OP. You're not alone.

Ltb and put any dc on ebay.
It's the only way.

The breathing definitely helps me.

I also tell myself things like "In 100 years we will all be dead and none of this will matter"

For me if it’s an email (ie at work) or a text about something difficult (saying from a friend) which has caused stress, then I wait before I respond so I don’t wind myself up. I go for a little walk (if at work, just around the building to get a coffee, or to the loo etc) and take deep breaths. I find I’m more likely to become more stressed if I respond immediately, or overreact etc - so taking that little time out helps my calm down.

If it’s in person I do the same thing and remove myself from the situation - eg pop to the loo, garden and let myself calm down - then think about my next move calmly. I find it really helps.

Thanks for your suggestions, everyone! :) They’re all really helpful.

Watching with interest. 😁

Any more tips please? :)

Bump :)

If you're good at mental visualisation - picture in your mind the thing/person/situation that's causing you stress then visualise it shrunk really small. A good way of distancing yourself.

Learn to meditate and do it first thing in the morning and before your dinner at night for 20 minutes. It decreases your overall stress levels and just makes life nicer.

Its really helped me and although always cope well in a crisis, I do get shouty and stressed about personal stuff and child stuff.