To ask what's an adult problem that nobody prepared you for?

[Midge1978]

For me it's keeping the bathroom clean. I don't think I ever saw my mother clean hers but it was always immaculate and rosey smelling. I can't seem to keep on top of the mould monster in mine!

I always assumed that when I became an adult it would all fall into place - I'd suddenly become confident, know what I was doing, be good with people, have decent relationships. Bugger me, it didn't happen and the older I get the harder it becomes. But on the upside - I mastered the art of cleaning my skirting boards without any assistance and am more thorough than my mother. I'll take that as a win right now.

This thread has brought tears to my eyes and not in a good way!

It is bloody relentless, the morning alarm clock, the mental load, the list of jobs.

But then I see a couple of the DC playing together, another cosy on the sofa engrossed in a book and the youngest snuggling DH while he reads the paper and my heart hurts with love for them... and it all seems bearable for a bit longer.

The relentlessness of it all, and the knowledge that actually I am responsible for most of it.

The endless cooking - or rather thinking about cooking. I could happily eat toast and cereal 10 times a week and I loathe thinking about meal planning. Healthy, balanced diets for everyone, gaaaaaah.

Cleaning. All the fucking time. And I'm a slattern by most people's standards.

Worrying all the time about your children. All the time. It never ends.

The guilt and worry of ageing parents. I have plans for the next ten years that I think will probably end up scuppered by the need to care for my df, and I feel annoyed about that, and then I feel sad and guilty about that.

Wow
Just wow!

People with happy honest relationships and children should really appreciate and be thankful for what they have. It can all change over night.

That having sex without contraception doesn't guarantee you a baby.

I was continously advised 'it only takes one time' to avoid 'accidents' as a teen, I wasn't even sexual my active.

Rarely being able to take a bite of anything chewier than mashed potato without a small apprehension that yet another tooth will break and cost a small fortune to fix. (In the last 3 weeks, one tooth broke on an almond, and another one this morning, when I had the rare treat of biting into a modest square of chocolate.)

Having to decide if you're too ill for work and then having to call your boss yourself
So much nicer when you felt like death and your mum would send you back to bed, call the school and take care of you!

Gosh, this thread. to so many people here.

For me, two things spring to mind. Firstly, that thing where you think you look terrible, double chins, acne, a stone overweight, then you see a picture of yourself five years later and realise that you were actually glowing. But by now you look terrible, with a wobbly tummy, and wrinkly eyes...and five years from now I reckon I'll think I looked fabulous in today's picture. Never happy!

Secondly, a major what the actual fuck moment for me was when all 3 kids were screaming because a pigeon was flying round the living room bouncing off the walls and shitting everywhere. I looked around in panic for the adult to come in sort it out before I realised that, sadly, I was the adult.

Cooking the right amount of pasta for the number of people who will be eating pasta.

I will truly believe I am an adult if I can ever do that.

Basically everything. When I first moved out my flat was an actual pig sty, I hadn't the first clue how to cook/clean/budget (my mother was a martyr).
I had no idea about men and how aggressive and sexual they could be.
Didn't know friends would easily turn on you.
Had no idea that when people offered things they didn't mean them and were just being nice.
I was so sheltered and the world has totally bashed me in the face.

Laundry. I did some hanging out bringing in and ironing at home as a child but now as a family of (only) 5 it is relentless, never ending and tbh a little soul destroying for me.

I'm currently having to make some school related decisions for my DD and I am completely unqualified for it. I need to delegate it out to a real grown-up.

Also, post 30 metabolism. So many people used to say 'you won't be a size 6 forever you know'.....I thought they were joking!

Running a house I find difficult. My mum never made me do chores so I had no idea when I left home. I hate cleaning so much, especially because you do it all, noone notices it then within a few hours it's back to how it was.
Having no friends or social life when everyone else seems to be out having the time of their lives.
I was also told you must go to uni etc, did it all and then never used it.

it is relentless, never ending and tbh a little soul destroying for me.
...
My mum never made me do chores so I had no idea when I left home...noone notices it then within a few hours it's back to how it was.

Has anyone acquired a retrospective gratitude to their parents/mother/whomever who did all this or does it feel like you didn't have advance notice? Or even wondering how they could have failed to notice when it's now so obvious that their own household members don't notice?

"That there is not much difference between the playground and the work place."

this is probably the biggest one and the one that has affected my life for the longest.

then it's definitely the elderly parent thing.

That life does not get easier the older you get. You just get fresh challenges to face.
How difficult bereavement is. Not just losing the person themselves, but organising funerals, clearing houses, dealing with tensions amongst other family/friends. How you have to carry on with life as someone else close to you dies every few years.

Just how draining and shit adulting is. Life is just a long to do list that never ends.

That the expectations for men and women are still, underneath it all, so different.

I grew up thinking this had all been fixed and women could do whatever men could.

Turns out that’s often difficult post DC unless you find one of the few husbands who are willing to take on the primary parent parent/lesser breadwinner role. I don’t know any.

Oh and that gender stereotyping is getting worse not better

Worrying about the environment. It wasn’t much of a thing back in the 80s.

The cost of Dentistry!

That doing well academically doesn't mean you will do well in the workplace.

Responsibility for elderly parents

More lightheartedly:

Responsibility for a car

Having to put spiders outside (I wanted to say outsourced to husband but not sure outsourced is quite the right word!)

Satsuma - you subcontracted the job to your husband. ^^You’re the principal contractor. 😉

You know you're an adult when you skip,dance or walk to the music beat in the high street and people look at you strangely(except my dd who disowns me).
There are more things telling me I am old rather than an adult.
I do teach my dd about cleaning,changing a plug/fuse/lightbulb/catching spiders.She can measure spaghetti/pasta without mountains of extra,I can't.

That highly competitive people are, for the most part, assholes who will shaft you in a nanosecond.

That most people are happiest to sit on the fence and can't cope with people being direct.

That most people can't be direct/say what's on their mind.

That marriage/LTRs are not for everyone and shouldn't be sold as such to children/young people.

That to bring up children, you just need a very solid support structure, not necessarily one person.

That you're best populating your life with as many people as possible, since relationships and friendships are not guaranteed to last forever, very probably not through any fault of yours.

That women should always be financially independent, no matter what the circs.

Trudeagirl "be water my friend" - mantra for adulting? Have heard worse...