To ask what's an adult problem that nobody prepared you for?

[Midge1978]

For me it's keeping the bathroom clean. I don't think I ever saw my mother clean hers but it was always immaculate and rosey smelling. I can't seem to keep on top of the mould monster in mine!

Trying to reset the heating thermostat, which is so complicated that it requires a PhD in electronics to understand the bloody handbook.

The challenges, especially the financial challenges, of being a single parent and a single adult. It's exhausting and expensive and quality of life can be very poor.

I've been single for most of my life but growing up was always encouraged to become a ''successful and independent woman' by my progressive parents - was definitely told I didn't need to rely on a man. But it turns out that it's very, very hard to be financially 'okay' if you don't have a man helping to bring in income or to assist - no matter how well you do academically or professionally.

Equally it turns out that you can have no education, employable skills or ambition and can have a pretty nice life if you latch on to a man who pays your way. Given everything I was told about the importance of doing well academically and professionally to get by, this option seems to me a bit of a 'cheat' and a betrayal of what I'd been told!!

Absolutely no one prepared me for leaving the hospital after a c-section looking more pregnant than I did going in.

Ten years on and I marvel that no one prepared me for bladder leakage.

I’m going to tell my daughter about both. Repeatedly.

Being the parent of adults!

That my entire adult life was going to be spent caring for other people
Like most people I just assumed once my kids got to a certain age I wouldn't be looking after anyone.
Loving them and caring about them, yes.

Here I am at 50 having started my family at 25 still with two primary aged kids (totally my choice) and a disabled teen and disabled husband.
I love them all and don't resent them at all.
But I never expected to have no break from caring responsibilities.

Trying and failing to give a shit about pensions.

Growing up from the age of 11 with a mother suffering cancer then losing her at the age of 54 when I was 24. I adored her. She was my best friend, I have some lovely memories but that’s all there is. I’m jealous of my older siblings as they had 10+ more years with her then moved out about the same time as she started getting sick so they never saw how she’d lock herself in the bathroom to cry so nobody saw.
Being forced to remove my mothers jewellery from her dead body while nurses walk in and out of the room. I’ve never felt more like a grave robber (had to be done soon or they’d have had to break her fingers but still, some privacy please)
Dealing with a father who was in pretty much denial about it all and I think he still is to a degree. He’s now 77 and he worries me.
Clearing the house of valuables my mother owned so the “vultures” didn’t remove stuff.
Depression. Nothing else to say really about that. I’ve not felt myself in decades.
Caring for a disabled partner. So tiring.
Having a child after being told I’d never concieve naturally but now I don’t know who I am when I’m not mummy or a carer. I have no life because I can’t be away from home/partner too long. I love my girl like I never thought possible but I’ve lost who I am and I don’t know how to get her back.
I’m sure there’s more but my post is kinda depressing lol 😂

Marriage definitely not being the happily ever after.
Just how much hard work (and guilt at EVERYTHING!) is involved raising a family.
The relentlessness of it all.
Mental health being an actual issue and not just someone who can't get a grip (as my mum still kindly tells me as I take my anti anxiety meds).
Adult friendships are so much harder work than when you're younger.
How the plates don't stop coming when you decide you can't spin any more!
Ugh, it's a bit shit so often.

That bullying doesnt stop once you stop being a child.
The constant on the go of house/kids etc.
That you have to work on relationships.

That getting older isn’t guaranteed.
That all the things I was going to do I’ll never do but preparing my children to lose me as very young - if I last that long- teens and the pain of knowing how they will hurt probably for the rest of their own lives because of the hole I’m going to leave behind.
I’d clean all your skirting boards not to be in this hell.

Loneliness.

That every b* is after your money....earn money? taxed! Spend what left of your earned money? We'll tax that too! Want to run a business? Oh don't bother coz people you ain't even ever heard of will sudenly crawl outa the woodwork and slap a bill on you.................it NEVER stops!!!!!!!!
In my parents defence things weren't so bad in their day and they never ran their own business.
I could go on but I bet you'd rather I didn't, lol

Oh NamechangeFriday

How to change the fucking lightbulb at the top of a 20 ft stair well.

So sorry namechange :( I can't imagine.

Looking after your own parents and seeing how human/fragile they really are

Loads and loads of it.

I didn’t know I’d have a disabled child or a sick, disabled, financially fucked dad to care for.

It’s been a challenge...

I find domesticity grindingly hard and boring. Love my job but not the 9-5 mundanity.

I wish I didn’t have to think of things to cook all the bloody time 😩

Dentist's appointments. I just forget about the dentist. Which is odd because I didn't have the kind of mother who made the appts for me beyond the age of 12.

This isn't a bit woo as I was only thinking today that I am a bit rubbish at keeping the house clean and tidy as I had no one to show me.

I didn't have parents so no one to show or teach me anything. Currently having an issue with the youngest dc and no one to ask about it .

That I would never have the time to do any of the things I'd really like to do because I have been working full-time for 34 years. I'm 52 and have another 15 years to go. Maybe then I could spend a little time researching the stuff I'm interested in and learn to play bluegrass violin!

Having to make really hard decisions. Like the fact that I don’t love my husband and have wanted to leave for 4.5 years. Our daughter is 5. But I’ve stayed as I don’t want to screw her up. I thought that I would just grow to love him, but I’m more angry and resigned now ( oh and joyfully bitter) I thought as a grown up I would have made better life choices. I thought I’d be really happy too! And like someone said above, have about 10 dogs!! I don’t even have one! Nor our own house!

So sorry namechange Our issues pale in comparison...

For me is how much effort it takes to have a clean house. We never did growing up somy house absolutely has to be clean, but it means cleaning pretty much all the time and planning what to clean next, it’s really hard work.

How much harder it is to make friends. I had loads growing up but somehow they seems to have trickled away and now I don’t have many.

Meal planning. Having to come up with breakfast, lunch and dinner is my most hated responsibility. Me and DH argue a lot over this because even when it’s his turn to cook he still bloody asks me ‘what shall we have?’

How much you need family close by when you have a Children. All my family live 100’s miles away and I’d love to go to my grans/aunts/mums and be looked after . .. . just for a bit. Growing up I couldn’t wait to get away and be independent.

The relentless things to think of all the time bills, school clubs, uniform, homework laundry (bloody laundry!!!), shopping, work, money, long term goals, haircuts, cleaning, appointments and the whole lot!!!!!

It’s. So. Much. Work

Money management is the worst for me. It brings me the most stress, the most strain in our relationship, in my day to day life. It's always on my mind, sometimes I stay up until 12:30 when my balance updates to check I have enough money and I log into online banking several times a day.

I just hate it.

Namechangefriday I know how you feel but please feel a bit happier knowing all your children will be alive to remember you with such love. Thinking of you 🥀🌷