To ask what's an adult problem that nobody prepared you for?

[Midge1978]

For me it's keeping the bathroom clean. I don't think I ever saw my mother clean hers but it was always immaculate and rosey smelling. I can't seem to keep on top of the mould monster in mine!

My only ambition has ever been to be a wife and a Mum, and now I'm lucky enough to be both, but the fact I have to go back to work after maternity leave (because we want to buy a home of our own at some point in the next, I don't know, 20 years) is cutting me up big time. I'm gutted.

How much effort it takes behind the scenes to do Christmas Day and other special occasions properly, and how most of the benefit goes to the older and younger generations who only need to turn up, eat and open presents, and then go home/back to their bedroom again.

How you don't get any praise when you're doing parenting right, but everyone notices when you're the parent who forgot to send in cooking ingredients or is the mum of the grubby wet child at the park who didn't bring spare clothes.

Any 1 of another million and 1 whinges about not get a prize for being a grown-up.

hotstepper

That’s so sad. Hang in there and please remember whatever we have done in the past is in the past. Your future is in your hands and you CAN make it better. You have loads of time to make changes.

Anything to do with S bends. Or U bends.

This is so timely I have been feeling ground down by stuff of late and agree with so much of what’s been said
If I don’t prepare a meal then I don’t eat ,that all the years of making nice food for my now adult DC hasn’t inspired them if I don’t cook then they happily eat a pizza they actually don’t much care about a freshly prepared meal

That when you are single you have to pay for everything all bills etc and that will never change likewise needing to earn the money nobody to fall back on
That working hard being reliable etc counts as nothing when you have a horrible boss
That at no point ever is the house perfectly in order just blitzed my jobs paperwork etc and today the outside tap stops working
But the biggest without doubt is when you have DC they don’t magically become adults and off your hands they create worry, work and irritation for you stretching into the future

So nice to not feel quite so alone after reading this thread

So much of this thread resonates with me.

Nice adults are winging it just the same as I am.
Unfortunately there are also other adults who are more like playground bullies.
That "not fitting in" can be hurtful even if you feel that objectively you wouldn't want to fit in with that group. Not being able to make that choice for yourself stings.

The relentlessness of laundry, meal planning etc can be overwhelming.

Parenting is incredibly hard. You produce this tiny human and love it more than you thought possible, and then devote your life to teaching how to not need you, because you know their bet chance comes from being a capable and confident adult. It's the very definition of planned obsolescence!

To no longer have a huge supportive family living within ten minutes of you because everyone grows up/moves away.

Housework being never ending and hard work.

That some people are just lazy/selfish but will get away with it and live a lovely, carefree life from other people’s hard earned money with no appreciation.

That work isn’t just one linear experience of hard work= promotion=rich!

Perimenopause. Had no idea at all, stupidly thought all that happened was you might be a bit hot and then your periods end.

How to change a fuse - one thing my parents didn't teach me. Was 'lucky' to grow up in the 70s when children were given proper chores so I was given proper responsibility before the age of 10.

@AjasLipstick that sounds like my absolute worst nightmare

How much people lie, I had no idea.

Pretty I'll add to that...how much brass neck some people have! As I've hit my 40s I've noticed that some friends aren't actually friends at all!

That I would finally teach my babies to sleep through the night then my DH would start snoring like a bastard and get really grumpy with me when I ask him to stop. He didn't snore when I met him 20 yrs ago 😣

I'm still stunned by how people 'sell' themselves to get jobs or promotions which they then have to wing and/or rely on others to help them do. Even worse - people who get away with blaming others when it all goes wrong.

I'm honest and would always tell the truth at interview about my experience and areas where I might need a bit of support.

How difficult it is even at 47 to please parents, partner and teenager at the same time - whilst still feeling "what about me ?"

I thought that I'd never have to do anything I didn't want to again. So naive.

Also expected other adults to have similar core values to myself. Still amazed at how much someone can disregard/disrespect you to satisfy their purely selfish wishes, decades after.

How painful it is when something bad happens to your DC. Much worse than it happening to yourself.

That gender disparity is still alive and kicking just as it was in my mother's day. I was a teen in the 90s and it was all girl power, ladette culture and 'you can have it all'. Turns out to be utter shite.

DP gets high praise for being a 'good dad' because he 'baby sits' his own kids, but I get 'why haven't you got a better job, and a cleaner/ better/ bigger house, and got your pre-baby body back????'

Also, bodily fluids. Doesn't matter if its from man or beast or what end its shot out of, its your responsibility to clean it up. Even if you've been yawning into the porcelain yourself, there is no one else to do it. I simply don't remember my parents doing this kind of shit.

That there is a shit tonne of admin when someone dies. You think dealing with grief will be bad enough but no one tells you about the forms, the banks, the insurance, the probate, the council tax and so on

That every single domestic chore is on repeat!!!!!!! Cleaning, washing, ironing, cooking, tidying, food shopping all have to be done over & over & over again!

That it costs money to be dead! You could be saving for a nest egg and then some tragedy happens and you have to bury your parents and use ALL your savings!
Why can't we just chuck them in the sea?

I'm joking by the way. But seriously, why does it cost SO MUCH!

How shit decently paid professional jobs can be. Mainly because of having to work with tossers who would stab you in the back, kick you in the head til you were dead then piss on your grave if it meant getting ahead.

LOL *PoisonousSmurf" - so true. Why is death so bloody expensive?

Yes and like PP mentioned that mental health issues are very real. Mum was very much of the it’s just weakness they need to pull themselves together etc school! Meant it took me 5 years to seek help for PTSD/depression/ suicidal thoughts. Being an adult can be very very hard indeed.

Dealing with all the worrying shit stuff / family illness etc rather than having the "grown ups" shield you from it

And on a less serious note I also thought I'd be able to do what I wanted ! Like for example I thought when I got a car I'd just drive wherever I wanted whenever I wanted and just explore ! I didn't factor in the cost of petrol and that is be tied to coming home so I could go to work 😂

How much your dc's take you for granted. I certainly took my parents for granted but i never realised that until i had dc and see the same thing happening

House work and maintenance is constant.

Love ones don't always have your best interest at heart.
Sometimes through being blinded by their own biases or agendas or failing to realise the negative consequences of what they want for you or putting others or themselves ahead of you.

Health care professional are human - they make mistakes and can act unprofessionally. I knew that intellectually but was shocked when we had to deal with it first-hand.

Motherhood doesn't come with any days off. So even when ill there have been occasions I've had to carry on or find a way round – especially remember bf with a sick bowl over babies head.