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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not take my instagram posts down because of someone else's terrible lie?

84 replies

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 21/04/2018 18:44

My fucking family Angry

A few weeks ago I got a message on Instagram from my brother's ex-wife. Not spoken to her since they divorced (they live away so really barely knew her) and it was a message of condolence for my grandad passing away.

This was news to me - my grandad is my only local family, I see him twice a week, he is 84 and in good health and we're very close. After feeling the blood rush out my body, I rang my mum abroad where she lives, I didn't dare call grandad's house in case he didn't answer. I asked if he died and she said "I don't think so" 🙄

So she rang my brother whilst on the phone to me. Apparently, he had their little boy that day, as he does EOW, and a female colleague called him to say that she was feeling down and depressed and could he come over no doubt for a shag. DBro rang his ex and simply said there was an emergency and he needed to bring their son back. She said no as she has plans with her partner. DBro was apparently so incensed at this 'unreasonableness' that he lied and said that the emergency was that grandad had died. She apologised, said of course you can bring him back, and hence the message to me.

I'm obviously furious and think it's a disgusting lie to tell. Not to mention when grandad does die, what will he tell her when he needs to come away for the actual funeral and maybe miss a visit from his son?

To make it worse, my mum defended his actions, but he can do no wrong and apparently "he wouldn't have to lie if his ex wasn't so difficult" Hmm she hates women BTW.

Anyway, fast forward a few weeks. Grandad has an Instagram account, mainly to keep up with the family, and I like to put photos of the kids on (I'm not that hot on social media but it seems to be a simple way to share pictures with him). I often put pictures of him and the kids on as he gets them saved and printed out and put into frames. I've done this this weekend when we've seen him.

I've been asked by Mum to take them down as ex-SIL now follows me and she'll realise he's not dead!

AIBU to say it's not my lie, not my problem, and I'll post what I like?

OP posts:
ForgivenessIsDivine · 21/04/2018 20:18

Contact your brother's ex-wife and tell her that your grandfather is not dead. She is the mother of your nephew and you could end up losing contact with him if she feels she is being lied to by your entire family.

neurotransmittens · 21/04/2018 20:18

Keep your photos up.
Don't feed the lie.
Don't listen to your DM.

JennyOnAPlate · 21/04/2018 20:21

Keep the photos up op. Your grandad could live to years yet and when the truth comes out (which it obviously will!!) you won't be complicit in the lie.

ashbah1980 · 21/04/2018 20:22

I'd take selfie with grandad and post it on Instagram "Chillin with a real life ghost" or something along those lines but I'm a dick like that

JennyOnAPlate · 21/04/2018 20:22

*for years

sockunicorn · 21/04/2018 20:32

@CherryChasingDotMuncher I would be concerned that, if you go along with this, you are tarred with the same brush as him. If he has already lowered his contact to EOW and is now handing him back early so he can go off with random women, it may well end up no contact. Especially if the ex finds out he is saying such HUGE lies (that could impact her son if shes had the "GGrandads dead" chat with him). So I would want to be in a good place with the ex SIL, so you can keep a door open for you to see your nephew if the worst happens xx

Zebra31 · 21/04/2018 20:34

YANBU.

There are some threads I read that leave me speechless. This is one of those threads. I will never be able to understand why anyone would lie about another persons death. I am sorry to say your brother is a prize prick and doesn’t deserve your loyalty in these circumstances.

You and your grandad do not have to start playing cat and mouse because your brother lied. My advice, do not delete your posts, do not change what you share with regards your grandad. Your brother lied and he needs to deal with the shit storm that may well follow when his ex finds out about the lie. I feel sorry for his ex. If your brother can about this to get out of looking after his son, god only knows what else he lies about.

louise5754 · 21/04/2018 20:34

@wynnie2 WTF?

Hassled · 21/04/2018 20:35

I do think you should probably message nice-sounding ex-SIL and say that the good news is that grandad is alive and well, the bad news is that your brother is a lying tosser and you're sorry.

ValleyClouds · 21/04/2018 20:38

Forgiveness upthread has a strong point about why it could become important to have a good relationship with SIL.

Your brother is phoning in contact at best now, it could cease entirely in time.

eddielizzard · 21/04/2018 20:56

don't take the photos down. your dbro is being shown up - quite rightly. an awful lie.

WeirdAndPissedOff · 21/04/2018 20:58

I would normally say not to get involved (although don't take down the pictures) but I think it might be worth sending a message to SIL.
As pp have said it sounds as though Dbro is a bit of a tosser and dropping contact more often, so mo worth protecting while to DSIL it might mean a lot to know his family don't all condone his behaviour.
Plus the lie can't go on for too long - poor DN will either be caught in the middle of forced to lie, and it will have an impact on Dgrandad. It will be better for DSIL to find out via a message rather than photos or a slip from DN.

Ellendegeneres · 21/04/2018 21:46

Your brother is a piece of shit.

Now you’ve posted the pics and she’s likely to see, I would message her, along the lines of ‘hey, your message was really sweet and panicked me, so I immediately reached for the phone and discovered that thankfully grandad is live and well- as you’ll no doubt see since I’ve posted pics of kids and him on Instagram. I’m really sorry for not getting back to you sooner, I wasn’t sure what to make of it all to be honest. I don’t want you feeling awful or telling nephew grandad has passed away when he’s absolutely fine. Hope you’re ok, would love to meet up with kids and nephew for a play in the park while we grab coffee or something soon x’

As for Mum and brother, I’d be cutting contact down to absolute minimum. Absolute arseholes the pair of them.

user1495490253 · 21/04/2018 23:00

I would reply to SIL, feigning ignoring of your brother's actions, and say she must have made a mistake but thank you for her kind words. She will inevitably find out that your DBro is lying, and if she thinks you were complicit in the lie by not disputing her condolence message then she might well fall out with you as well which could make contact with your DN harder. Plus she sounds like a nice person and if your brother is a twat and your mum doesn't like her then it would surely be nice for her to have at least one member of your family she feels is reasonable and can talk to if necessary.

Kocerhan3 · 21/04/2018 23:10

I personally would DEFINITELY NOT be going along with this. I'd message her being like "thanks for your concern but my grandads very much alive and kicking, perhaps he got muddled with his communication" and bloody go on and live my life. It's your brothers problem he got caught out. Not yours.

Porpoises · 21/04/2018 23:21

Your brother is a twat. You should tell ex-sil that grandad is alive. The lie will eventually come out, and it's better that you have an honest and respectful relationship with the mother of your nephew.

Tringley · 21/04/2018 23:28

Do you have much relationship with your nephew and would you like to going forward? It doesn't sound as if your brother has much intention of being any sort of proper father to him. If you want a relationship with your nephew not only should you not collude with your stupid brother but you should let your poor ex-SIL know the truth. And when your mum gets mad at you about it, make it clear to her that her son is a shit dad and as a result the way she treats his ex will play a huge part in her relationship with her grandson.

Littlechocola · 21/04/2018 23:28

Your brother and mum are awful! Leave the photos, it’s lovely that your grandad enjoys them. I would send the ex sil a message. You two sound like the only decent ones!

numptynuts · 21/04/2018 23:37

Why the hell should you not share your normal family life to enable their shit selfish toxic lie. Don't collude with them.

What utter bollocks to lie like that and the cheeky fuckers expect you to play along?!?

NO

Gemini69 · 21/04/2018 23:41

keep the photos up.. do not behave as though your lovely Grandfather were actually DEAD.. that would be truly disgusting Flowers

OlennasWimple · 21/04/2018 23:50

"There seems to have been a mix up in communication, Grandad is very much alive and well - phew!"

And move on and let your brother sort out the mess

KeepServingTheDrinks · 21/04/2018 23:51

another one saying keep the photos up; your Dbro is a knob, and try and maintain your relationship with the ex.

I'm absolutely positive she had her suspicions when she sent you the condolence message. Your non-reply is a reply in itself.

And I would be very clear to my mother about why I wouldn't be supporting my brother in this.

Is this thread unanimous?

Copperbonnet · 21/04/2018 23:51

If your Grandad is 84 and in good health he could live for another 20 years!

How will your brother expect to lie for all that time?

Not only would I not take the pictures down, I’d tell your poor SIL that it was a lie.

Inertia · 21/04/2018 23:54

I would definitely leave the pictures up, and I would also respond directly to SIL saying that there must have been some kind of misunderstanding about Grandad.

ilovegin112 · 22/04/2018 00:04

Christ your dn is in for a shock next time he visits his father and there is ggrandpa, it takes some kind of a special person to lie about a bereavement to get their leg over, no doubt ex sill will be called every name under the sun when she goes no contact

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