To not take my instagram posts down because of someone else's terrible lie?

[CherryChasingDotMuncher]

My fucking family

A few weeks ago I got a message on Instagram from my brother's ex-wife. Not spoken to her since they divorced (they live away so really barely knew her) and it was a message of condolence for my grandad passing away.

This was news to me - my grandad is my only local family, I see him twice a week, he is 84 and in good health and we're very close. After feeling the blood rush out my body, I rang my mum abroad where she lives, I didn't dare call grandad's house in case he didn't answer. I asked if he died and she said "I don't think so" 🙄

So she rang my brother whilst on the phone to me. Apparently, he had their little boy that day, as he does EOW, and a female colleague called him to say that she was feeling down and depressed and could he come over no doubt for a shag. DBro rang his ex and simply said there was an emergency and he needed to bring their son back. She said no as she has plans with her partner. DBro was apparently so incensed at this 'unreasonableness' that he lied and said that the emergency was that grandad had died. She apologised, said of course you can bring him back, and hence the message to me.

I'm obviously furious and think it's a disgusting lie to tell. Not to mention when grandad does die, what will he tell her when he needs to come away for the actual funeral and maybe miss a visit from his son?

To make it worse, my mum defended his actions, but he can do no wrong and apparently "he wouldn't have to lie if his ex wasn't so difficult" she hates women BTW.

Anyway, fast forward a few weeks. Grandad has an Instagram account, mainly to keep up with the family, and I like to put photos of the kids on (I'm not that hot on social media but it seems to be a simple way to share pictures with him). I often put pictures of him and the kids on as he gets them saved and printed out and put into frames. I've done this this weekend when we've seen him.

I've been asked by Mum to take them down as ex-SIL now follows me and she'll realise he's not dead!

AIBU to say it's not my lie, not my problem, and I'll post what I like?

I would post the photos, He lied he can deal with it.

I'd not take them down either. It's something which brings you and your Gradad pleasure. Why should either of you lose out because your brother is quite frankly a dick!! With you OP, leave them where they are.

What. The. Fuck. Not only would I not take Instagram photos down, I would also text the ex back and say "oh there must be some confusion, grandad isn't dead!!" Your brother sounds like a dick and I definitely would not stand up for my brother if he displayed similarly dick-ish behaviour.

Leave them up.

I take it you haven’t responded to the message. I would now that you know why your brother lied. No way wouldci collude with this bollocks. She sounds like a decent women sending you her condolences.

I would leave them, if you can't add any photos / messages to your grandads account he won't be able to use it for exactly the reason you said in your OP as to why he has it. Won't your grandad think that's strange. What would you tell him ? Your ex SIL will see your grandad as one of your followers you won't be able to keep it a secret. Your brother is an idiot, and it is his lie, therefore his mess to sort out.

Is this your mothers father? And she is colluding in this?

I would deffo text the ex back and make it clear GF is alive and kicking.

What a nightmare OP

I'd be very tempted to message the SIL back with:

"Thank you so much for your concern, it means a lot, unfortunately I am afraid you've been given misinformation and Grandad is, thankfully, alive and well"

And let her act on that how she pleases. Your brother deserves a good rollicking

You ex sister-in-law got in touch with you because she knows something is amiss. You don’t really know each other, and she has no real reason for sending her condolences (unless she’s the nicest person on the earth, which she might be of course).

She’s waiting for you to reply ‘thank you, it is terribly unexpected and sad’ or ‘eh? He’s fine, what are you on about?’ - I don’t think this woman is silly at all. Your brother, however, is an arse.

He obviously cares a lot about his son to decide to end his time with him so he can go off and get a shag. He's a piece of work.

Don't take anything down. Tell him and your mum to catch on to themselves and tell his ex that your grandfather is still very much alive. Let your shitehawk of a brother deal with the aftermath.

Another vote for Leave your photos just st as they are, here from me.
It’s your brothers lie, he can be the one to ignore out what to tell his ex when she does realise.

Sorry I would not block the poor woman and I would speak to my brother about such a horrible lie and I would tell sil.

Also Callamia could be on to something there, Perhaps your brother has a huge problem with lieing and his ex already suspects he is also lieing about this hence messaging you.
Your Mum needs to tell your brother to start putting his kid first and to stop with the awful lies, No wonder he is how he is with her letting him get away with it!

Sadly my mum has little patience for my grandad, her dad (not quite sure what's gone on there and she won't say) but my brother can do no wrong so yes his lie will come before her own father!

I've always got on with my brother but TBH I'm going off him - this, and the fact that he voluntary went from weekly contact to EOW because "I had no time for myself" (welcome to fucking parenthood mate) has got my back up

And it did cross my mind that she's using me to check if he's lying, but who could blame her really!

So mum expects you to never post photos of your DC with your Grandad? Fuck that, you are posting them so Grandad can see them, why should he miss out on that because your brother told a lie? Leave them up, whatever consequences there are from the ex-wife are your brothers fault for putting colleague before time with his son.

I would reply, thanks, but he’s very much alive and kicking.

Leave the photos up, do not enable your brothers lies. He’s a twat, putting a woman before his child. And telling such an awful lie. Your mum is as bad as him for going along with it.

Pretty sure it's not your ex SIL who's the 'difficult' one. It was a horrible of your brother to prioritise some woman over his son and despicable of him to tell such a lie. I'd leave the pictures up, you do't have to collude with him - I do suspect that his ex has followed you as she doesn't believe him.

I also think she strongly suspects he was lying - if the "emergency" had been grandad dying he would have just come out and said that straight away surely plus he's likely got form for lying with her - but also couldn't do anything other than send you a nice condolence message either way.

If the photos going on instagram actually make a difference to your grandad (rather than posting them just for yourself) then I would keep them up and drop her a quick message saying, for the sake of both your grandad and DN, you don't want to there to be a big drama but thankfully grandad is still alive and well.

Fuck that! Keep your photos up, I'd tell her aswell. It's not your problem your brother created this disgusting lie and your mum's an idiot for playing along!

Let your mum know you're doing it for your Grandad and no one else.

Sod your brother!! He lost all hope of respect with that horrendous lie.

Given that your Grandad could live for another 20 years - and I sincerely hope he does - I think you've got no choice other than to out your bro, otherwise you're entangled in his lies and the whole thing will only go on and on and get worse. As lies go, in content and motive this one's the pits.

I would tell your x SIL..

What a cock. Who ditches their dc for a cheap shag when he only even sees him once a fortnight. Shitty parenting even without the lie.

Leave the photos up. I'd reply thanking her for her lovely message and advising that he is fine.

Poor you though, what a horrible set of emotions you must have gone through that day. DB has been such a thoughtless arsehole.