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AIBU?

Should my boyfriend pick me up and drive me on weekends from work

98 replies

Blackbinsack · 21/04/2018 15:07

I work Saturday and Sunday live 5 mins from work but a good 20 mins walk. My partner and I live with my parents still. My step dad is very gentlemanly and would never dream of letting my mum walk. I don’t drive so see that me getting to work is upto me I normally cycle so takes me 10 mins max. Yes a lift is handy when it’s raining I’m ill or it’s dark and cold but i don’t really expect it. Pluss it’s his weekend so don’t want to ruin his lay in. When he dosnt take me my mum and dad always ask him why or question me on why he didn’t take me. Are my parents right that he should take me every weekend. If he dosnt take me my mum will Insist on it or give some reason why she has to come to work. She will also ask me what’s your boyfriend doing this morning. I always feels so awkward I’ve told my parents I don’t mind going myself but they keep mentioning that he should take me.

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shanefolan29 · 21/04/2018 15:56

It depends on several things- the big thing been does your bf work early monday-friday?

If so then yea I think he is entitled to weekend rest and should not have to get up to take you to work early when they are his only chance of a lie in. If not though then i think he should lift you.

Mummyoflittledragon · 21/04/2018 15:59

Before we had cars and in my early 20’s, I would walk or dh would drop me off but more often than not I’d walk back. No big deal. I liked the walk and didn’t expect him to be at my beck and call. Thereafter I had jobs, where I needed to drive. You are not a child.

MushroomGravy · 21/04/2018 16:01

twenty minutes isn't much of a walk at all. However if I were your parents there's a part of me that would probably be less than impressed with having my daughters boyfriend in the house sleeping in to all hours while she walks to work. Something about that would cheese me off.

If you lived elsewhere I doubt it woudl be mentioned.

Brokenbiscuit · 21/04/2018 16:01

Of course your parents are being ridiculous. Walking is much better for you and for the environment, and in any case, getting you to work is not your boyfriend's responsibility.

Are your parents normally this interfering in your relationship?

shanefolan29 · 21/04/2018 16:02

'It’s nothing to do with them and he must be getting pretty pissed off with them banging on about it every weekend! '

'Then he can move out of their house.'

How do you know he is not paying rent?? Just because you live in somebody's house doesn't mean they have the right to dictate what you do/do not do.

MushroomGravy · 21/04/2018 16:03

Also it depends on the walk, if it's a nice walk that's one thing but if it's a shitty walk or a dangerous bike ride and he can't be arsed to help you out for 10 inutes of his life that's not great is it? Especially while he lives with your parents. I don't know, I guess in his shoes I'd just feel a bit obligated to make an effort.

HappyLollipop · 21/04/2018 16:04

Your parents are interfering they see you as a child but your boyfriend see you as his equal and an adult so you need to stick up for you DP personally i would tell them that a 20 minute walk is nothing and what a terrible waste of petrol that would be and haven't they heard of climate change/ carbon footprint really we should all be walking more . You really need to look into moving out as it's just going to get worse for you two.

MushroomGravy · 21/04/2018 16:05

How do you know he is not paying rent?? Just because you live in somebody's house doesn't mean they have the right to dictate what you do/do not do.

People don't live with their girlfriends mother to pay the standard rent rate. And actually yes, you do get to dictate to people living in your home certain rules or they can very much kick you out.

DrEustaciaBenson · 21/04/2018 16:06

If not though then i think he should lift you.

Why??? It's a twenty minute walk! Why should any moderately fit and healthy person need a lift for such a short distance? Walking 20 minutes twice a day is beneficial for health and well being, it's something to be encouraged, not obstructed.

Blizzardagain · 21/04/2018 16:09

For a 20 minute walk!? It is so wasteful to get a car out over that. Absolutely walk, they're being ridiculous

ButchyRestingFace · 21/04/2018 16:12

You seem to have a sensible attitude, OP. Unless the weather is pish, you work in an extremely dodgy area or are somehow disabled/infirm, I would not be expecting a lift on a regular basis. 20 minutes walk is nothing.

SomeKnobend · 21/04/2018 16:16

Explain that he's not your carer and that you are in fact an actual grown up, perfectly capable of getting your grown arse to work.

WhatsGoingOnEh · 21/04/2018 16:16

If they're that old-fashioned, I'm surprised they're OK with you living together. Seems a bit weird for them to be all 😱 when your BF doesn't give you a lift, but not mind you "living over the brush". A bit half-hearted of them.

Lweji · 21/04/2018 16:17

I'll offer a different perspective.

Their insistance about him giving you a lift to work could be an indirect way of telling you they don't think he treats you well enough.

Does he ever offer to take you or pick you up?

Is he kind to you in general?

AnyFucker · 21/04/2018 16:19

You need your own place ASAP

It would be better to have a room in a shared house than this.

MushroomGravy · 21/04/2018 16:27

Their insistance about him giving you a lift to work could be an indirect way of telling you they don't think he treats you well enough

true

RedSkyAtNight · 21/04/2018 16:28

OP - do you want a lift? You make noises about not really expecting one and you don't mind going by yourself, but I'm guessing that actually you think he should offer?

If you do secretly expect him to give you a lift, I think you need to question why this is the case - if my DH started offering me lifts for such a short journey I'd think he'd lost the plot, and I'm fairly sure that at least one poster on MN would think it was controlling that he was driving me to work when I was perfectly capable of walking. Are you quite young and expecting to be "looked after" whereas your bf expects you to be a fully functioning adult?

Fundays12 · 21/04/2018 16:33

No he shouldn’t be your an adult and capable of walking I suspect. If it’s wet or horrible weather it would be nice if he did. Walking is very good for you anyway plus saves money.

MushroomGravy · 21/04/2018 16:38

I'd think he'd lost the plot, and I'm fairly sure that at least one poster on MN would think it was controlling that he was driving me to work

Give over, if someone offered, not insisted but offered you a ride yuo'd think they lost the plot and that people would they were controlling?

No, being nice isn't abuse. No one is mixing those things up but you.

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 21/04/2018 16:38

20 minutes walk?? A mile? Good grief.

Your parents need to get a grip and you need to move out - or at least grow a backbone and explain to them that since you aren’t five years old and have legs you are quite capable of getting yourself to and from a workplace which is a mile away.

You say “gentlemanly” that your stepfather would never dream of letting your mum walk to work, I say “infantilising and patronising”. Tomay-to, tomah-to.

Dungeondragon15 · 21/04/2018 16:40

Is there something about the walk they don't like e.g. is it through a dodgy area or very early in the morning when noones about. It seems odd that they don't want you to walk. It's obviously not far if it only takes 20 minutes.

Blackbinsack · 21/04/2018 16:51

He does pay rent he pays the standered for what he was paying on his old room he rented. Although at ours he gets swimming pool hot tub garage for his car that’s just his to do all his car stuff and building. She’s put the rent towards our deposit from her but he dosnt no that. I can’t drive and cycle as much as I can cycled 4 days this week.

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MyFavouritePlace · 21/04/2018 16:55

Sorry but I'm with your parents. My DH drops me off at the station and picks me up every evening (similar distance to yours) - it's just a nice thing to do, especially at the end of a long day. We'll also do it for our kids when they're older.

Hogtini · 21/04/2018 16:56

Jeez get a tongue in your head. No wonder they think they have to interfere!

Deathraystare · 21/04/2018 16:58

When I used to ride the Central line tube home (when I lived in Essex), the carriages were always full of women phoning a man about coming to pick them up. I travelled enough to know they lived locally and weren't visiting. It always made me wonder what they would do if they split up. I suppose they would get a taxi. It is amazing the amount of women who won't/don't like travelling on their own.

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