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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to wonder why friend is annoyed at me for this?

60 replies

Whatabugashoo · 21/04/2018 14:55

So friend lent me some stuff whilst pregnant and after baby was born. She volunteered it all and I took some of it out of politeness tbh.

So had it for a while and meant to take it back myself (she said she didn't need it in any particular time-frame). But DH lost his job and I had to leave the country because no money and v small baby (we're expats), DH then had heart troubles because of stress and I didn't want to ask him to take it back.

So now she is asking and so I asked DH and he say's no, let her come and get it. He say's this out of principle because although I had a small baby and she had an older one I always had to go visit her (30 min drive) and she wouldn't come to ours when I invited her.
Theres nothing I can do because I'm a million miles away so I asked her to come and get it and she's totally pissed off at me. AIBU?

OP posts:
Allthewaves · 21/04/2018 15:00

Ridiculous reverse

JenBarber · 21/04/2018 15:01

Yes, you should've said no to borrowing it.

But there's not much you can do about it now.

Bluntness100 · 21/04/2018 15:02

I don't even know what this is. Why the fuck would you leave the country with her stuff. Package it up and send it back.

purplelila2 · 21/04/2018 15:02

She's not a million miles away it's a 30 min drive!

JoanOfNarc · 21/04/2018 15:03

Just take it back to her and stop being petty.

ememem84 · 21/04/2018 15:03

Just post it back or make dh take it in his luggage?!

Making someone fork out for a plane ticket is a bit mean

Original poster
Whatabugashoo · 21/04/2018 15:04

I didn't, it's there with my dh but he is refusing to take it back to her.

OP posts:
Annabel7 · 21/04/2018 15:04

Yes. She lent you some stuff as a favour (in her eyes at least) and now she wants them back you make her come and pick them up. I'd be miffed too. The visiting thing is a separate issue...

DioneTheDiabolist · 21/04/2018 15:04

It was easier for you to take it all to a new country than to take it back to your friend?Confused

Oysterbabe · 21/04/2018 15:06

I don't really understand but you should take it back to her, whatever that entails.

Original poster
Whatabugashoo · 21/04/2018 15:06

She only has to drive 30 minutes to get it but she says she works and it would have to be on her day off and that she can't get a nanny and the car will be hot for her DC.

OP posts:
DioneTheDiabolist · 21/04/2018 15:07

Oh right x-post. Your husband's being a dick. Tell him to stop being a dick and return the borrowed items to your friend.

Original poster
Whatabugashoo · 21/04/2018 15:08

To clarify I left the country we were both in (in a rush which is why I couldn't take it back) and my dh stayed there and the stuff is still there.

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 21/04/2018 15:09

Ok, so I think that OP is abroad but her DH isn’t and the stuff that was borrowed is with him and he is refusing to deliver it back
As you presumably saved money by not having to buy the items then your DH should take them back unless there is a good reason why he cant

TammyWhyNot · 21/04/2018 15:09

Er, I think the stuff and DH are still 30 mins from friend, and OP is a plane ride away.

Your DH is being an arse. You did borrow the stuff, he needs to take it back. As you should have done as soon as you didn’t need it. On one of your trips to visit her.

GiveMyHeadPeaceffs · 21/04/2018 15:11

Tell your dh to stop being an arse and take the stuff back to her. Hmm

KeepServingTheDrinks · 21/04/2018 15:11

tbh, it sounds like you're in a pretty grim situation all told, and I imagine the stuff your friend lent you is very low down on your priority lists right now.

But, yeah. It would be the right thing for your DH to make the journey. After all, he doesn't have a child (with him) and the friend does, so his evenings are free-er. Tell him to make sure everything is clean. Ironed if it's clothes and to throw in a bunch of flowers as well.

But having said that, your friend sounds pretty unsupportive of all that's going on for you right now. I hope things get better.

LeighaJ · 21/04/2018 15:11

Your husband is being petty over something silly in the grand scheme...you'd think his major concerns would be you and your child being in another country and his health rather than getting all positional over this nonsense.

Merryoldgoat · 21/04/2018 15:12

Given your husband’s ill health and you being in another country I’d say she’s being unreasonable not collecting it but you should probably have arranged to get it back to her before you left.

Was it obviously lent rather than given? I’ve just had a baby - every time someone gives me something now I ask if it’s something they want back eventually.

HiggeldyPigsinblankets · 21/04/2018 15:14

your husband is being a knob, your friend did you a favour loaning you stuff which if you didnt want you could have refused. If I was the friend I would be pissed at you

WickedLazy · 21/04/2018 15:14

Why didn't you give it all back before you left? She was trying to do you a favour, and you're being a bit petty, oh but I always went to see her etc. "She volunteered it all and I took some of it out of politeness tbh", your lack of ability to say no thank you, I wouldn't get the use out of it all someone else could, isn't her fault. I know you didn't actually turn your nose up at it, but it sounds like you kind of were inside your head, iyswim. I think you should arrange for it to be returned some way, if possible.

Tartanscarf · 21/04/2018 15:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fruitcorner123 · 21/04/2018 15:16

Does your friend need it because she is pregnant? If not why not and her if she can wait until you are back in the country because DH is refusing ( no reason to cover for him he is clearky ride and unpleasant) if she really needs it and DH really won't take it then ask him to put it in the post.

I would be annoyed if I had lent stuff to a friend and they were refusing to return it.

Sn0tnose · 21/04/2018 15:16

They are both being a pair of idiots and you're getting caught in the middle.

If it was me, I'd tell my DH just to take the bloody stuff back to her and because he isn't a dick, he would do it to make my life more peaceful. As your DH thinks his principles are more important than you having that peace, your only option is to tell him he's a selfish arse, then contact your friend, tell her that your DH is refusing to budge (tell her exactly why; there's no reason she should get off scot free) and that if she wants the stuff back, her only option is to go and get it.

LadyGAgain · 21/04/2018 15:17

Or get hubby to post it. He's being ridiculous. And your friend has every right to be pissed at the situation.

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