Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

AIBU to wonder why friend is annoyed at me for this?

60 replies

Whatabugashoo · 21/04/2018 14:55

So friend lent me some stuff whilst pregnant and after baby was born. She volunteered it all and I took some of it out of politeness tbh.

So had it for a while and meant to take it back myself (she said she didn't need it in any particular time-frame). But DH lost his job and I had to leave the country because no money and v small baby (we're expats), DH then had heart troubles because of stress and I didn't want to ask him to take it back.

So now she is asking and so I asked DH and he say's no, let her come and get it. He say's this out of principle because although I had a small baby and she had an older one I always had to go visit her (30 min drive) and she wouldn't come to ours when I invited her.
Theres nothing I can do because I'm a million miles away so I asked her to come and get it and she's totally pissed off at me. AIBU?

OP posts:

CuriousaboutSamphire · 21/04/2018 15:18

Your DH has been ill; you have moved in a rush; your friend was generous but is now being a bit silly.

Getting the clothes back is more of an imperative for her than your DH, if she really wants them she will rive over and collect them. If she doesn't really need them she will continue to ask and make any number of excuses as to why she won't collect them.

Just tell her "You know I am not in the UK, you know DH has had heart trouble. If you really want the clothes back, stop adding to his stress levels and pick them up"

HunterHearstHelmsley · 21/04/2018 15:19

Does your friend know about your DH's heart problems? If so, it's a bit selfish to expect him to take them.

Funkyslippers · 21/04/2018 15:21

Did you friend bring them to you in the first place? If so I think your OH should deliver them back if at all possible.

If not, I would probably say "sorry in our current situation we're not able to bring the stuff back, I always used to come to you when we got together so is it too much to ask for you to come to us?"

BertrandRussell · 21/04/2018 15:22

Do people have heart problems due to stress?

WickedLazy · 21/04/2018 15:23

Could they meet half way? In a big car park or somewhere, then load the stuff out of one car into the other? Then her dc will only be in the car for half the time, and your dh doesn't have to make the full trip.

Original poster

Whatabugashoo · 21/04/2018 15:28

Thanks all, duly noted.

OP posts:

ememem84 · 21/04/2018 15:28

Ah. Misunderstood. Sorry. I thought you’d taken the stuff with you

justanotheruser18 · 21/04/2018 15:30

I mean.. if your friend wants it, and you haven't had a chance to give it back, surely she should just come and get it?

AcrossthePond55 · 21/04/2018 15:31

Bertrand They certainly do. My DH almost died due to stress induced cardiomyopathy. Google Takotsubo Cardiomyopathy, also known as 'Broken Heart Syndrome'.

OP, can your DH and your friend meet halfway?

Smeddum · 21/04/2018 15:34

I think both your DH and your friend are being unreasonable. In short, forward the other one’s number to both of them with a text along the lines of “nothing to do with me, sort it out yourselves and stop putting me in the middle.”

happypoobum · 21/04/2018 15:39

Is DH refusing to take the stuff back because he isn't driving at the moment due to heart problems?

It sounds more from your post like he is refusing "out of principle" in which case he needs to get over himself and take the stuff back.If he can't do that he should pay for postage/courier.

Juells · 21/04/2018 15:43

DH = being a dick. WTF is wrong with him?

summerinthecountry · 21/04/2018 15:44

Tell your dh to take the stuff back, it is terrible manners that she has lent it to you and you didn't find the time to return her things before leaving in the first place.

Can you blame her for being annoyed! She was being a good friend (not that you are in any way grateful)

ittakes2 · 21/04/2018 15:46

Can you just get your husband to stick it in a cab or Uber and get it back to her?

LegoPiecesEverywhere · 21/04/2018 15:47

If your Dh won’t drop it back order a courier.

MushroomGravy · 21/04/2018 15:51

It's not actually polite to take somethign you don't want. You're just causing a situation long term to be dealt with. SHe didn't know you didn't want the stuff she just knows she did you a favour and you're being rude.

Also it's a lot easier to travel with a baby than a child so I can see why you went to her instead of the other way around.

However unless you were rude on the phone she should be pissed off at your husband who is being terribly rude, not you

loulou987 · 21/04/2018 15:58

Should have just said thanks but you didn't need it OP when she offered you it ( in reference to you saying you took it to be polite )

Also what stuff are we talking about here? A few baby grows? Bibs? Dresses/ trousers etc .... if it's just a few clothes she's being petty.

Also she should take into consideration how busy/stressed you would have been with new baby & partner that wasn't well & having to move country ?!

Can't stand petty people like this that 'force' stuff on you to borrow to make themselves look better then don't take into consideration all the stress you would have been under given your circumstances

Chewbecca · 21/04/2018 16:04

You need to get DH to drop it back. I'd normally expect to give s small gift on returning loaned items too - bottle wine/pot plant, that sort of thing.

Gemini69 · 21/04/2018 16:04

Royal Mail works great..... honest....

Juells · 21/04/2018 16:05

I did what the 'friend' did in this case - lent somebody baby clothes when they obviously didn't want or appreciate them. One of the things I lent was a beeeoootiful christening shawl an aunt had brought me back from IIRC the Shetland islands. Hand-knitted, like a cobweb. The clothes were returned to me after a few months and I mentioned the shawl wasn't there. She pointed to a small yellow matted felt square and said "Yes it is, there it is". I kind of gasped and said "What happened to it?" She'd put it through the washing machine on a boil wash, because she "didn't bother with anything that wasn't machine washable". I absolutely knew that she'd done it on purpose to make some kind of point about people who pass on their horrible baby clothes as if her perfect child would wear such rubbish. 😡

Jux · 21/04/2018 16:05

Can he post them to her?

CuriousaboutSamphire · 21/04/2018 16:08

Do people have heart problems due to stress? Yes, and it also causes hypertension, not good for someone who has had cardiac issues. Adrenaline and cortisol are pernicious beasties.

ineedamoreadultieradult · 21/04/2018 16:12

I don't understand how your DH losing his job meant one of you had to leave the country and the other didn't?

lottiegarbanzo · 21/04/2018 16:40

This is not something for your DH to have 'principles' about. If driving 30 mins each way would endanger his health that's one thing but getting arsey on a flimsy pretext, as it sounds as if he is doing, is something quite different (lazy selfishness).

The principle of good manners - that if you borrow something you give it back in a timely way - is paramount here.

If you didn't want to borrow the stuff and (collectively) weren't willing to return it, you shouldn't have borrowed it.

The owner of the stuff does not have to justify your returning it, it's your duty to do so, with gratitude.

Lacucuracha · 21/04/2018 16:45

Can't believe what i'm reading.

OP, you made all those visits to her, the least she could is pick up her own crap.

She's not a good friend otherwise she wouldn't hade you do all the driving.

She wants the stuff, she can pick it up.

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread