I've posted about my husband before. We're not really very compatible and have had a rocky 10 years of marriage, bit love things about each other as well and wanted to make it work. So we had lots of ups and downs.
I feel like I'm nearing the end of my tether now and as close as I've ever been to asking him to leave - the trouble is, i cant understand how he thinks he's eight and he can't understand how i think I'm right. Meaningful discussion is very difficult because we're both utterly frustrated and pissed off with the other so not really listening. Some perspective would be useful as he definitely thinks IABU.
The issue is he thinks I am controlling and I think he is disrespectful. This manifests in lots of ways but one example is the row that blew up yesterday. He had planned to go out with a friend straight from work, said he'd only be half an hour then home. Yesterday morning i asked when he planned to be home and he said he'd prob stay about an hour then come home. I clarified so will you be home for tea? And he said yes.
After work he popped home first to change car for bike, me and dd were in the garden, it was literally 5 mins, he gave us both a kiss and i asked again when to expect him... He said an hour, but as he was cycling it'd be a bit longer so again I clarified 'about half 7 then? We'll have dinner for then' and he agreed.
When there was no sign of him at 7.45 i rang and asked if he was on his,way, he said no but he'd leave in 10 mins, is that alright? I said we're hungry and he said start without me, i said can't you cone now and he said no so i said fine, see you soon. I wasn't happy but i wasn't going to make a massively big deal it of it.
He came home at 8.30, so we'd finished tea, i was playing with dd before bed. He came in and put her to bed, i put the TV on, was on my phone. I was pissed off with him so didn't say much but didn't blank him, just didn't feel like a conversation. So he watched TV, we each made a few comments, etc. Late in the eve he asked if i was ok, i said yeah, I'm alright, he asked a couple more times so i said yeah, I'm a bit mis but I'm alright. He said is it because i spent Friday evening out with mate and I said it's not because you went out no, it's because you changed three times the time you were coming home and then didn't even,stick to the last agreed, it's,a very long time for me with dd by myself from 6.30am.
He followed,me outside for a smoke and was obviously fuming and in a nutshell saying that he went out, plans changed, so fucking what? He would never care if i did that', he would be happy for me, and what could have been a nice evening for us is ruined by me 'aggressing' him. I dont think i was aggressive at all, i was clearly pissed off with him and not in a mood for talking which i know seems passive aggressive but i didn't want to talk because he'd been drinking and i knew it would turn to a row. Which it instantly did. He created a row instead of just letting me leave it to simmer down and get my shit together. I said i feel disrespected because he's saying his time and convenience is more important than mine, if i dont like it - 'so the fuck what?'
I went to bed, took the car keys with me as he has a history of drink driving, he asked if i had them and i said yes, he said why, i said to stop you driving, he was enraged but said he wanted something from the car. I said id get it, he insisted, i said he could have them if he brought them back after he'd got it, he eventually agreed to this and did so after another long rant about how I'm belittling him, im controlling, i have no right to put him n that position.
I found a text this morning sent at 1am reiterating all that about me being controlling, belittling, ruining the eve. I'm sick to death of this shit.
AIBU?