Straight talking people are just rude?

[triggeredhappy]

I know a few people who pride themselves for being direct or "straight talkers", they like to "tell it how it is", but many of them are not well liked. Obviously, they say they don't care about that. I think they can be quite rude and abrupt.
One colleague gets lots of complaints because of the way she speaks to people. But to be fair she is quite good at her job in the way that she gets what she wants, but people do the work begrudgingly. She has since left and there is talk of her coming back to do a maternity cover, everyone is terrified!
Personally, I'm only direct when I need to be, most of the time, I think diplomacy is more effective in the long run when working with people? Or do I risk being a bit of a doormat? People don't drop everything to do what I want but I think I have a better relationship with people?
What do others think?

I find there is a big difference between people who are straight talkers, and people who pride themselves on being "straight talkers" and can't stop telling everyone they meet about it. In fact often there is no overlap between the two groups.

Straight talking does not = rude.

I am very 'straight talking' in that I don't lie and if I'm asked a question I will tell the truth or refuse to answer.

I am however still tactful and polite.

You can still be tactful and 'straight talking'
No excuse for rudeness!

In my experience people use the guise of being "straight talking" to say rude and hurtful things that they know they would not get off with saying otherwise. I have no respect for this at all.

There are certain people who you have to be blunt with, or they don't take the hint.

I used to manage a team and had a few people I would class as straight talkers. Two of them I loved because they were never bitchy, they never talked behind people's back they would say it to your face and they always asked really good questions that got to the point. The customers loved them and they got loads of thank you cards and compliments.
One was rude to people. We got so many complaints from the public and from staff about her attitude and yet she knew her job and the organisation so well.. It was just a constant headache.
Thankfully she is not my problem any more!

I find some straight talkers rude. I know one who will voice her personal opinions about things that have nothing to do with her. Sometimes it's best to keep quiet. For example. "I don't like tattoos, when did you get yours?". There really is no need, I think they have no filter between brain and mouth.

And that was a nice example, sometimes her opinions are just mean for the sake of it.

@buddahsitter

Yes, I know exactly the sort of person. They give their opinion on everything when it really isn’t necessary and nobody really cares or wants to hear it. Maybe they were over indulged as children and never learnt that their opinion on some things just isn’t important to most people they meet. Just a theory!

I know some teenagers who like to be dry and ‘tell it like it is’, but they normally grow out of it. If a grown adult likes to advertise how straight talking they are, when what they mean is that they are rude. find fault with everything and think their opinion matters an awful lot, I just think they’re a fool.

Bollocks to autistic people not describing themselves as straight talking. In my experience, it's generally the preferred way of communicating within the autistic community, such that it is. It would be downright rude to insist on talking in multiple meanings if not everyone in the conversation can understand it, so I tend to avoid it full stop - it would be just like walking around insisting on talking in Shakespearean English.

In fact, I know I'm straight-talking to the point of rudeness (apparently it's rude to tell people they're wrong, even if they're dangerously wrong and you apologise first - I thought I was doing them a favour by rescuing them from their predicament of talking about something they clearly knew nothing about!), but there's a massive difference between being known to be honest and straightforward, and accidentally offending some people who insist on reading in double meanings to everything you say, and using it manipulatively in order to get away with saying things that you know are rude and offending the majority of people.

there's a massive difference between being known to be honest and straightforward, and accidentally offending some people who insist on reading in double meanings to everything you say, and using it manipulatively in order to get away with saying things that you know are rude and offending the majority of people.

Of course there’s a massive difference between those two sorts of people. You’ve just described complete opposites.

There’s also a difference between honest and straight talking and then people who claim to be, when they are actually just rude, unnecessarily critical, aggressive and confrontational. The former is fine. In fact it’s great and I’d like to think I’m honest and straight talking, when the occasion calls for it. The latter are often bullies trying to excuse their unpleasant behaviour by calling it honesty.

I only know one adult with autism, (that I know of), and he doesn’t happen to describe himself as straight talking, but that doesn’t mean other autistic people don’t. Impossible to generalise.

@DanceDisaster I'm genuinely not quite sure what you mean, because I feel like you're trying to disagree with me, but everything you said was what I was trying to say. I suspect I probably didn't explain myself very well - sorry about that.

I wasn’t disagreeing with you and no apology required! I also wasn’t sure what your post was getting at, which is why I was trying to clarify.

I think people who pride themselves on being straight talkers usually just have massive, but fragile, egos and little self awareness so need to feel their opinions are very important and must be heard, especially the ones that paint others in a bad light as this is often something fragile egos do to maintain their own positive self image.

Also, this thread reminds me of that other self proclaimed quality infamously spouted on reality shows: "You'll either love me or hate me" and the Viz Top Tip "Save time when people tell you that you'll either love them or hate them by instantly hating them."

@DanceDisaster Ah ! Thanks. Clearly I should have been more straight talking

The thing I'm getting from this thread, is that if, as an accommodation, I warn people that I can be a bit direct, and say what I mean but mean what I say (and nothing else)... then a lot of people are not going to hear what I said, but instead hear "I'm a massive bitch who wants to bully you"

So that kinda leaves me in an awkward position... I don't think I'm a bullying bitch, because people invariably say I'm a bit unique but lovely once you get used to me, but maybe they're all lying to me because they're neurotypical?

This way lies a lot of self doubt and fear...

VladmirsPoutine-I think it can also be a cultural thing too - in some cultures talking straight is just how they are, much to the bewilderment of other cultures that employ a great deal more of diplomacy in their interaction with others.

Yes cultural and and class thing too. A working class northerner might be more straight talking than a middle class 'polite' southerner

Slarti

I think people who pride themselves on being straight talkers usually just have massive, but fragile, egos and little self awareness so need to feel their opinions are very important and must be heard, especially the ones that paint others in a bad light as this is often something fragile egos do to maintain their own positive self image

We have a relative who is the very embodiment of this. They use humour against people constantly to deliver this "straight talking". But, it's mean and nasty humour, not good natured, and always at someone else's expense. It's very rare for anyone to call them out on it because everyone is scared of that caustic "wit" being turned on them, but on the odd occasion they are challenged they absolutely cannot deal with it at all and become almost hysterical in their reaction. It's all deeply unpleasant, as either an observer, or as a recipient of it.

You can be direct and assertive with out being rude and nasty.

With been assertive some people take is as people been aggressive.

My husband is to the point and direct some people love him for it. Other people don't like it.

triggeredhappy how would you know whether they are Aspergers?

There’s a difference between straight talkers and bullies but I think it’s a subtle difference so easy to conflate the two. I have met bullies who would call themselves straight talkers but in reality everyone is either frightened of them or just outright detests them. They’re often insecure and like to pick apart other people’s appearances to make themselves feel better about theirs.

Then there are people who are highly respected and liked because they aren’t afraid to say what everyone else is thinking. I don’t mind those people.

He's definatley not a bully and is highly respected at work. To be fair lots of people as for his opinion as they know he will tell them.

The only people who get offended by him are the few people who always have an opinion but don't like to hear other

I live in Germany now and people here are direct and it just seems rude. They stare and tell people they are fat, pale etc.
I much prefer people being nice even if it's false!

I am honest but with tact and consideration for people’s feelings.

I can be a complete tosser if I want to be, as can anybody else, but it doesn’t make for a happy life being like that as a default.

Straight talking is fine, speaking your mind however isn’t, I hate it when people proudly announce that they speak their mind without prompt and upset others.

Flockoftreegulls ”I much prefer people being nice even if it's false!”

Me too. First time I went to the States, I was charmed by the “Have a nice day”ness. The friend I was travelling with was rather “It’s all false, they only say it so you’ll shop there” but what should they say? Be rude?!

YANBU. They think it gives them an excuse to be rude.