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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Have I fucked up?

77 replies

Gemeeny · 19/04/2018 21:43

My SIL is pregnant, she's the first of my siblings / siblings' partners to be so.

I was watching Hospital and there was an amazing story about a woman who was in hospital thinking she was having a miscarriage but she gave birth to her very premature baby on her own in the bathroom (the baby was fine in the end).

I texted the whatsapp group with my siblings and their partners about it because it was such an amazing story but now I am panicking because I'm worried it was a really insensitive thing to do given that my SIL is pregnant? I feel really stupid because I wasn't evening thinking.

The reason I am worried is she has now left that group with no comment or explanation which is really weird for her and I am terrified I've offended her.

Have I fucked up? If so what do I do?

OP posts:
MamamamaT · 19/04/2018 22:23

Agree that it's worth texting to clear the air but don't beat yourself up about it, the story did have a happy ending after all!
Missorganised I sympathise - that would have been a nasty shock for you

Lovestonap · 19/04/2018 22:24

OP perhaps she hasn't got offended or anything, perhaps she just decided not to join in the chat about it and quietly left the group like an adult. You could send a quick apologetic text but no need to prostrate yourself I wouldn't have thought.

Miss, that was a dick move.

KitKat1985 · 19/04/2018 22:31

I think your SIL is being over-sensitive to be honest.

Camomila · 19/04/2018 22:31

For future foot in mouth moments I just wanted to let you know (if you didn’t already) that you can delete WhatsApp messages - if you do it while there’s still two gray ticks then it means no one else has read it then.

I did a similar thing the other week...whatsapped a link to infant mortality statistics to my school friends group (because me and a friend who is a doctor had been talking about it at dinner and I wanted to send her the link...not because I’m weird!) completely forgetting an other friend is 5 months pregnant. Luckily I realised after a few minutes and deleted it before anyone read it!

bonbonlavie · 19/04/2018 22:32

Oh OP it's a minefield.

If you feel like you're worried about it then send her a text to gently apologise.

A so called friend of mine text me while I was in the process of miscarrying (which she was well aware of) to tell me she was 6 weeks pregnant, HURRAH! We don't speak now.

I don't think you're comparable in the slightest but people do tend to worry more in early pregnancy and things can be a bit more heightened.

Hope it all works out Flowers

TodayImThisName · 19/04/2018 22:35

I don’t think you were insensitive but if I were you I would still apologise.

Btw I think the Hospital show is absolutely amazing. It’s brilliant and I can’t stop thinking about it.

shanefolan29 · 19/04/2018 22:43

tbh i don't think what the op did was bad as it was a happy ending story. I personally would not have a problem if it it was me.

Fruitcorner123 · 19/04/2018 22:46

This wouldn't offend me and I think leaving the group is a bit passive aggressive. I would send her a text saying sorry if I offended you but leave it at that.

shanefolan29 · 19/04/2018 22:49

''This wouldn't offend me and I think leaving the group is a bit passive aggressive.''

or completely ott if you ask me. She sounds like an attention seeker.

upsideup · 19/04/2018 22:58

Christ, you dont need to apologise because you havent done anything wrong!
Im pregnant with my 5th right now and holding off telling anyone because I cant bare to be treated like a snowflake again. The world doesnt revolve around you just because you are doing what a big percentage of women do at some point and always have done.

BringMeCoffeePlease · 19/04/2018 23:00

If she left the group because of that, that's ridiculous and a complete over-reaction.

You will just telling the group about a programme that they should watch. Yes, it may have been insensitive if you analysed what you were doing before doing it but you shouldn't have to do that when talking to your family.

Slievenamon · 19/04/2018 23:02

Anyone calling her ridiculous and oversensitive has something wrong with them.

Caspiana · 19/04/2018 23:04

I’m 34 weeks, incredibly anxious and even I wouldn’t have a problem with that story, given that the baby was fine.

Caspiana · 19/04/2018 23:05

Anyone calling her ridiculous and oversensitive has something wrong with them

I haven’t called her either but out of interest why do you say that?

TTCI · 19/04/2018 23:05

I'm 22 weeks pregnant and don't think you've done a terrible thing? You said it's the kind of thing you guys would talk about. I think it's s lovely thing and if she knows you well would surely know you didn't mean and malice or harm.

Qwertytypewriter · 19/04/2018 23:09

Your story doesn't even make any sense, and I have no idea why you would send such a ridiculous story to anyone,
I think the OPs account of what happened seems clear, and lots of people discuss TV shows with friends family by messaging, all the time (I'm guessing you're not a fan of 'gogglebox', where you can watch strangers watching and commenting on tv Grin).
I don't think any if it was 'ridiculous', tbh Hmm, I guess you don't personally discuss TV with friends, but that doesn't mean it doesn't make sense or is ridiculous.

Slievenamon · 19/04/2018 23:10

I haven’t called her either but out of interest why do you say that?

Because its not the kind of story you text on a group chat in the first place, and not at all to pregnant women. She may have had her own losses in the past , she may be having medical issues.
It's prurient bullshit.

Slievenamon · 19/04/2018 23:12

I guess you don't personally discuss TV with friends, but that doesn't mean it doesn't make sense or is ridiculous

It does though. Some woman thought she was having a miscarriage but it was actually an unassisted premature birth, but the baby was fine? Doesn't even add up.

QueenofSerene · 19/04/2018 23:15

I don’t think it was insensitive of you at all, especially if it’s something you’d talk about regardless, it’s not like you mentioned it because your SIL was pregnant!

Pregnancy is so bizarre, some people treat it like some righteous journey to be above others. It’s unpredictible at the best of times, people hold onto 12wks as being some magical milestone of a “safe zone” when the reality is you can get to 40wks and give birth and unfortunately leave hospital without a baby. It’s an unfortunate reality but reality none the less.

I’d apologise only in the sense of “I’m sorry if that rattled you” not in a sense of “I fucked up, whip me now” kind of way.

NotTerfNorCis · 19/04/2018 23:31

It doesn't sound insensitive to me. If she'd had a previous premature birth then maybe, but otherwise, no!

neveradullmoment99 · 19/04/2018 23:32

I'm pregnant and I couldn't get worked up about this. The world doesn't stop just because a woman is pregnant and what happens during someone else's pregnancy has no bearing on my own.
This ^

camelliasinensis · 19/04/2018 23:32

I don't think you did anything wrong to be honest. She's overreacting.

Slievenamon · 19/04/2018 23:33

How can she be overreacting when she hasn't even said a word?

camelliasinensis · 19/04/2018 23:38

... she left the group? Actions speak louder than words

camelliasinensis · 19/04/2018 23:38

... she left the group? Actions speak louder than words