for being a SAHM

[2shoeswhoismshadowsnumber1fan]

i am a SAHM because
I have a severely disabled child. I have to be on call 24/7 as she also has epilepsy/
Dh is happy for me to be a SAHM and we manage finacially.
apart from respite we have no one to help if she is ill or in the school hoildays.

[Judy1234]

Yes, some mothers have 15 year very successful careers; then stop - their life is perfect - lovely husband. perfect home and they move on to their next project - being a perfect housewif, mother - a good wife. And they kind of over do it too - they apply all that enthusiasm and perfection into the mother hood thing which I'm not sure benefits the children. Instead of the chidlren slotting into your lives the children becomes some kind of God like thing the mother serves whose life revolves around it, hallowed perfect infant in Prada baby gro eating organic, of course, minced steak.

Okay, I accept some people like being home all the time with small children. But I think even if my job had been working on the till at Tesco I would prefer that to being home with a baby I'm afraid. I just find it so frustrating - yo udo something and then undo it and then do it again and you aren't speaking to adults and it's boring.

[iota]

chelseamum -SAHM not sham

[Judy1234]

am, kind of half and half. For the first 10 years I was commuting into the City and now it depends on the week whether I'm here and where I am. It's ceratinly been easier being a parent when I was older with more money, a cleaner and more power and control than when I was younger with none of those things but I don't regret having them young at all.

[Chelseamum]

TYPO [BLUSH]

[Judy1234]

Freudian slip even.....

[Chelseamum]

I so thought that myself also!

[GameGirly]

Xenia! Play nicely ...

[wheresmysuntan]

In answer to the op - no , you are not being unreasonable. Each mother has their own individual circumstances and should be able to make the choice which best suits. What IS unreasonable is that society still bangs on at mothers all the time for whichever choice they make but fathers get to do whatever they want with little castigation by the likes of 'The Daily Mail' either way. Fathers are just as capable at bringing up the children if they are allowed/encouraged to.

[MamaMaiasaura]

You know, I find the sheer audacity the amount of judgemental bullshit and sweeping statements regarding the choice to stay at home amazing. HOw completely narrow minded and full of yourself you truely come across as. No, I shouldnt make this personal; but this is, I bleive the first thread I have come across you one Xenia and the snobbery and judgemental nature of your posts is shocking!!

Right off to collect my ds7 from school. How terribly dull as going to take him to swimming lessons. I must be a terribly thick and boring person to want to stay at home..

[lucyellensmum]

it gets you that way doesn't it awen (soon you'll even be enjoying the night garden) is that ds aged 7 or ds#7 . I thought we lived in a society that was tolerant of each others lifestyles, choices etc - then i discovered mumsnet! But hey, one of the things i do miss about working is the gossip and bitching, here i get to do it without leaving the comfort of my computor chair - woohooo. I do think one of the challenges of being a SAHM is introducing a variety of stimulating activities which don't send mummies round the bend too. We do not need to accept that life as a SAHM is dull and boring, because in my opinion, it is far from it!

[lucyellensmum]

gamegirly - so typical of xenia, she thinks she is soo much better than the rest of us. I think she is trying to initiate chelsea mum into her coven! meow meow meow - just japing

[Anna8888]

Well, maybe that's the conclusion: IF you adore your job, IF you earn enough money to employ people to do housework/childcare to a good enough standard, IF you don't mind subcontracting your family life and not seeing much of your children - you should definitely work.

Obviously, that's just very few women.

Otherwise, you need to agonise about it.

[Judy1234]

Obviously if you're at home doing it and love it that's great. A lot of better off stay at home parents pay a full time nanny in some areas so they obviously like the lying at home reading/going to the gym etc bits of it but not the childcare. There are different kinds of stay at home mothers. We can't even generalise about those. Are the ones who have no cleaner or nanny more noble and better?

[2shoeswhoismshadowsnumber1fan]

xebia you do realise i started this thread to ask opions about me being a sahm,,, and guess what you hijacked it to get on your soapbox. some of what you say makes sense but seeing as you state you are not a sahm how do you find the time??

[Astrophe]

Oh Xenia, you make me LOL! I haven't read thw whole thread, but read this:

"Some women don't know what's good for them, their daughters or their nation and need to be force out there into work and once they're doing it the scales are lifted and they realise it's what they ought to have been doing all along. We need more of that here."

You really beleive yourself don't you? Astonishing.

[lucyellensmum]

2shoes, TBH i can't even see why you would consider yourself unreasonable, of course you don't. You are right, Xenia certainly hijacked the post (nothing better to do it seems!!), to the extent that i didnt notice in your OP that your DD is disabled. Quite angry on your behalf, you face a whole different set of challenges than most of us on here and you should be proud of your decision, you certainly have my respect (i hope that doesnt sound patronising).

[LadyOfTheFlowers]

this whole thing has gone bananas since i last looked!

[lucyellensmum]

Xenia - "Would I leave the children in inadequate child are? Hopefully not. Many men leave their children with mothers who actually aren't that good at looking after them and shout and swear at them and pack them off in front of the TV all day when the children would be better with loving carers at a nursery which is why some children from not particularly good homes at the lowest end of most scales actually do better in nurseries than at home." I hate to say this, i really really do, but yes, i agree! There are certain situations where the children are better off in nursery as i fear this situation arises alot. But lets not make this a class issue, there are plenty of well off SAHM who neglect their kiddies for lunch dates etc, ive seen them in the cafes etc with their middle class mates, DCs strapped into high chairs. You do know i like you really don't you xenia

[Judy1234]

Absolutely .There are good working mothers and not so good ones too in terms of interaction with chidlren. Indeed some parents are just so very appalling that care for teh chidlren or even boarding school is a better option. Perhaps it's about knowing how bad you are with your own children and when they're better with their father at home or in nursery. it's that self knowledge which is hard and some but not all stay at home mothers seem to have a kind of self hypnosis which says - only I on this planet can properly look after my children. Working parents have a much more robust and true attitude and knowledge may be of their own limitations.

[Adorabelle]

Bloody Hell 2shoes I don't know how you
could fit a job into your life with having to look after your dd, unless you put her into some kind of special daycare (which i'm sure some mums would, just for break & change of scene)

I'm a SAHM and I Never justify to people why I have chosen not to go back to work.

All i'll say to them is that i'm lucky I have the option of staying at home with my dd, I enjoy it and till she goes to primary school I will not be working (outside the home).

[Popple]

(ahem, sorry 2 shoes!)
In answer to the OP, no way are you unreasonable! But you know that don't you?

This thread just displays how very different we all are. It's horrible that we all judge each other so much...but then, it does make life that bit more interesting.

Do you think you would work if your child wasn't disabled? Sorry if that's an unfeeling question....but just wondered.

I can understand where Xenia is coming from. The thing about being at home with kiddies all day is that everything we do is for the enjoyment and well-being of the child. If we enjoy it too then good for us! But sometimes it can be quite tiresome. Examples...getting them ready for school and into school, shopping, cleaning, picking up from school, making meals...argghh. It's a bit of a hamster wheel sometimes isn't it? But then it is so rewarding when they do something that makes you proud that is because of you and your efforts.

It is OK for SAHMs and WAHMs to feel slightly bored by it all sometimes. At least work gives a release to be a little selfish without someone tugging on your sleeve. Why oh why is it such a taboo subject to admit it can be boring? Come on, who loves every second of it?
And doesn't Xenia sound like the most fulfilled and confident woman on this board?
She's ever so sure of herself and her decisions so if it works for her then hooray! I sincerely mean that too. It's all about finding what works best for the individual (and family of course) and this obviously isn't the same for everybody. It's short-sighted to believe there is one answer that fits all.