Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder why male things are always better?

324 replies

Bumpitybumper · 17/04/2018 10:44

Has anyone else noticed things typically associated with men are considered to be better? Examples I've noticed:

Trivial
Names - baby girls being given male names is considered cool and trendy (James, Noah etc) but this seems to seldom work in reverse.
Colours - pink is often rejected even for girls because it's too 'girly' but blue is acceptable for both sexes.

Non-trivial
Professions - women are encouraged to enter typically make dominated STEM industries but little is done to address the appalling pay, conditions and underappreciation of female denominated sectors such as teaching, caring etc
Childcare - the onus seems to be on getting more women into FT work rather than spending time at home to raise their children. Tax system and free childcare entitlements designed to encourage this rather than to incentivise men AND women to be SAHPs.

There are loads of other things I've noticed too.

AIBU to be deeply cynical about why the traditionally male approach is always seen to be superior and to worry that this isn't the best way to achieve equality?

OP posts:
TooExtraImmatureCheddar · 17/04/2018 17:12

My mum's office was going to have a work experience kid come in for a week. When he rang up to arrange it, the receptionist misheard the name 'Murray' as 'Mary' and sent a letter to the school referring to her/she. The boy didn't show up - it was so embarrassing to be thought to be female that he didn't even try to explain!

MrsKoala · 17/04/2018 17:29

About 10 years ago part of my work was going abroad to talk about the hcp courses at a uni I worked at. I arranged with a country in the middle/Far East to come and talk to their dept of health and education regarding what we could offer them. It was all organised via email and I hadn’t really thought anything about my first name possibly being a male name (I go by an abbreviation of a long name).

When I arrived they had set up a long rectangular table with me at the head.when they saw I was a woman they were visibly horrified. They made me prove I was me with my passport and that I hadn’t made up my name to get a meeting. They told me they would not have met me if they’d known I was female. They then moved my chair so I had to sit at the corner of the table as it wasn’t right a woman sitting at the head with men present. It was all so awkward and surreal.

BananasAreTheSourceOfEvil · 17/04/2018 17:31

@MrsKoala just have to pick my jaw up off from the floor!! Bloody hell!

MrsKoala · 17/04/2018 17:54

Yeah it’s was totally outrageous. It was where being a mc culturally sensitive liberal collided with being a feminist. I was representing my company and didn’t want to offend them. Also I felt really embarrassed and like it was my fault for using a possibly male name. Now of course I kick myself for not saying anything.

peacheachpearplum · 17/04/2018 17:58

Bananas that is hilarious, makes you wonder what they were thinking.

moonbells · 17/04/2018 20:54

Outabout
"I love the idea of a pocket in a wedding dress. Dare I ask if you used it?"

Absolutely I did. Camera in pocket one side and emergency safety pins in the other!

I have several ballgowns with pockets too. The ability to make clothes can be useful. And I inherited that off my Dad...

TakemedowntoPotatoCity · 17/04/2018 21:09

Women are sold the 'having it all' notion so frequently when of course it means DOING it all. I don't think that's progress, we are judged whatever we do and often have to spin so many plates to keep everything from crashing down. Equality is still a joke.

ArcheryAnnie · 18/04/2018 13:31

Holy shit, MrsKoala! Did your management say anything (either to you or to them) when you returned?

applesisapple5 · 18/04/2018 13:44

I'm due to have a baby boy this month, I was joking with my husband that we should put on the birth announcement 'just what the world needs, another white guy!' Grin

SleightOfMind · 18/04/2018 13:51

Loads of bloody sport tacked on to the news to make it sound all weighty and important.
Whenever I raise this people go on about sport being a huge industry.
Fashion’s a much bigger industry than sport could ever be but you don’t get panels of pundits analysing the latest trends on the big news bulletins.

Tapasandwine · 18/04/2018 13:56

Razors - I only use the ones for men, much better.

Movablefeast · 18/04/2018 14:07

My teenage girls go to an academically challenging "progressive" school in the US. My 16 yr old was so incensed when there were separate boys and girls retreats. The boys rode quad bikes and did lots of very active fun activities. The girls were expected to sit around listening to long talks and discuss all their feelings and insecurities.

silverTIRFer · 18/04/2018 14:12

You're preaching to the wrong crowd here Movablefeast.

The vocal minority are all for protecting female spaces and segregation at all costs.

BertrandRussell · 18/04/2018 14:24

“The vocal minority are all for protecting female spaces and segregation at all costs.”

Bollocks.

silverTIRFer · 18/04/2018 14:31

"Bollocks."

Yeah. We want them out!

Trinity66 · 18/04/2018 14:32

The vocal minority are all for protecting female spaces and segregation at all costs.

That's a a bit of a misrepresentation there, I think.

Movablefeast · 18/04/2018 14:48

My dd was fine with the separation of the sexes it was what they did during the retreat that bothered her. Why couldn't boys and girls have a mixture of both retreats? Sitting around talking plus active outside activities?

peacheachpearplum · 18/04/2018 14:49

Is it a misrepresentation? I'm always hearing on here about female spaces and how we need our safe female spaces. I'm always impressed that they feel able to speak for me when I really couldn't care less about female spaces.

silverTIRFer · 18/04/2018 14:54

" Why couldn't boys and girls have a mixture of both retreats?"

If the genders are the same then they can do it together. If they aren't then enjoy the separation your girl enjoyed.

I think people are finding it harder and harder to cope with ensuring internalised misogyny, toxic masculinity, the patriarchy, unconscious bias and safe spaces are dealt with appropriately without triggering someone.

All while giving an entirely equal chance. No, not equal. Equitable. We have equality, now we want more.

silverTIRFer · 18/04/2018 14:55

enjoy the separation your girl enjoyed wanted.

BertrandRussell · 18/04/2018 14:57

“I'm always impressed that they feel able to speak for me when I really couldn't care less about female spaces.”

Can you use imagination and empathy to work out why some women might?

Nevercallmehun · 18/04/2018 14:58

It's about time female facial hair became fashionable. [Strokes sore chin and side eyes tweezers].

Trinity66 · 18/04/2018 15:05

Is it a misrepresentation?

Well yes i believe it is. I've seen people ask for female only spaces when they talk about places where women and girls have to get undressed or where women are in vulnerable positions like domestic violence refuges.

silverTIRFer · 18/04/2018 15:09

Trinity66

or Guides, or sports, or drama, or ballet ...

admittedly only on my, not in real life.

Movablefeast · 18/04/2018 15:14

This school has mixed retreats every year except one, so the norm is a mixed retreat. Each year has a different focus and in that particular year they spilt the sexes. Not sure what their reasoning is, they are generally very popular.