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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To Hate my birthday?

65 replies

speakout · 17/04/2018 06:30

Just that.
I woke up with a sense of dread. Family will get me nice little gifts, but I just spend the day wishing it was over.
Am I alone in feeling like this?

OP posts:
landgirl1 · 17/04/2018 06:37

No I dread mine too but councilling helped me understand it was related to my childhood.my birthday was frequently forgotten as it was a month before the favoured golden child’s birthday so I stopped seeing it as a special day to avoid the disappointment.
Anyway hope you have a wonderful day

MillieMoosMam · 17/04/2018 06:39

I couldn't read without answering 'Me too' - but is there any reason why you hate your Birthday?

DappledThings · 17/04/2018 06:40

I hate it. Have managed to get everyone except PIL now to ignore it. Makes it much easier.

WillyPlonker · 17/04/2018 06:43

Happy Birthday!

It's my birthday today too! I feel the same way, and kind of always have since not being a very small child. I don't really publicise it, so no one but my closest family wish me happy birthday, even my friends forget most some years...

I generally feel a bit down until the day is over Sad

Original poster
speakout · 17/04/2018 06:47

Thanks- not just me then.

I don't like the attention, the having to pretend to be jolly all day. To express fake excitement at stuff I don't really want.
I know my mother has bought me a new ironing board cover ( I'm not supposed to know about it)

But meanwhile the day is the same, school run, work, cooking, laundry, taxi service for teens in the evening.

I'll be glad whe tomorrow happens.

OP posts:
jpclarke · 17/04/2018 06:50

It's my birthday this week too and I don't particularly hate it but not looking forward as such to it as I am always let down. Last year dh didn't even bother with a cake and it really upset me as I have young kids and that's what birthdays are about for them. Also my relationship has been very Ricky with my own family for a number of years but in the last few months I have gone nc with my parents but my mother could decide to land or try to get in touch and that makes me feel ill.

Saltcrust · 17/04/2018 06:54

Nah I love my birthday! Grin.

I wouldnt be delighted if I received an ironing board cover for a present though so you anbu!

Original poster
speakout · 17/04/2018 06:54

It's good to have others that understand.

I'm starting to feel a little tearful, so I should take myself off and have a hot shower.

OP posts:
MillieMoosMam · 17/04/2018 06:56

landgirl - that's kind of me, mines also a childhood thing I think, I spent all my birthdays with my grandparents as my Parents always went away on Holidays around my birthday (August), and they lived 200 miles away from school friends etc, so I didn't have birthdays like my friends -

My birthday always feels like a 'build up to disappointment' - My OH laughs at me every year when he asks what do I want for my birthday - and always the answer is 'just a nice day' - he thinks its a joke but it really is! But I still think I'm setting my sites too high - it never happens! Plans always go wrong - I end up trying to do things other people would want to do but I don't really want to - I dread it!

Singlebutmarried · 17/04/2018 06:57

I don’t hate it, but I don’t love it.

I would love a summer birthday, not just before Xmas.

LEMtheoriginal · 17/04/2018 07:00

I hate it too. Always have

MillieMoosMam · 17/04/2018 07:01

.....(seriously an ironing board cover....!? - I'd re-gift.....!)

BedtimeTea · 17/04/2018 07:03

I don't hate mine, but I don't really care about it either.

UrbiEtOrbi · 17/04/2018 07:11

I like my birthday. But I have to sort it out for myself. I'm a widow with young children and no parents.
If working, I'd always take the day off. Prob go shopping. But myself some nice presents. Meet someone for lunch. Takeaway for tea. Make it nice for myself.

ChevalierTialys · 17/04/2018 07:20

My birthday fills me with anxiety. Having to fake enjoyment, being stared at by DP and kids while opening gifts, people wanting to drop by. It used to be worse though, when friends/family expected some kind of 'do'. I've made it clear over the years that I'm not doing parties, don't want loads of people just gathering at my house and don't expect any gifts - I'd rather just treat it like any other day, but with a simple card from DP.

I'm fine going to other people's, I just can't bear occasions that focus on me. For an extremely shy person it's nothing short of torture.

swingofthings · 17/04/2018 07:25

Nope, not alone. I too hate my birthday. Everyone wants to make a fuss, my parents want to come over, my OH wants to make a big deal of it, and all it end up being is a day of me making an effort to be sociable, making sure everyone is happy, entertaining when what I would love more than anything is to go away and not have to give anything to anyone.

At least yours is at a nice time of the year. Mine is end of November when it's cold, wet and people are already starting to sing Xmas songs.

My birthday is a duty day that I get through to please everyone around me, it certainly isn't MY day!

jpclarke · 17/04/2018 07:26

I can't believe she bought you an ironing board cover for your birthday that would sicken me too. My dh took me shopping on Sunday to pick out something for my birthday and guess what everybody else got bought something except me!! He didn't even take the kids to pick a card for me, and his opportunities to get one are slim this week. One year when we were dating he didn't bother buying me anything and when it came to his birthday he kept dropping hints of what he wanted. I told him no way and then he bought me a present before his birthday so left me with no choice.

Original poster
speakout · 17/04/2018 07:32

I've found my tribe!

That's just it- it's all the faking, the centre of attention.

And I feel bad for feeling that way., because I know people are trying to do nice things for me.
My mother usually buys me a cake, ( 99p one- not that it matters) then insists that they sing happy birthday to me.
My teenage kids are cringing in the corner at this stage.

I have longs since put my foot down about going out- it was usually to a place not of my choosing, just to please other family members.

I feel like a spoiled brat.

OP posts:
Original poster
speakout · 17/04/2018 07:36

The ironing board cover is no surprise.

Same mother bought me a toilet seat for my christmas a few years ago.

It's not even a humorous gesture- she buys what she thinks I need.

OP posts:
DappledThings · 17/04/2018 07:49

I hate the presents. I hate having to look excited and feeling I'm failing to do so sufficiently. I'd actually quite like an ironing board cover. Part of my anxiety about it is that PIL and SIL always buy me jewellery and it's nice stuff but I just don't wear any. Maybe for a wedding I might get round to thinking about putting kn some earrings but otherwise I have loads of lovely necklaces gathering dust. An ironing board cover would be useful and would therefore hugely alleviate my guilt.

Saltcrust · 17/04/2018 07:55

Not being snippy op but why don't you do something to change it? My b'days would be horrible if I left it up to everyone else! I've learnt to arrange to do something I really want to do (usually involves countryside and a horse!!) , and then if family members come up with flowers and a 99p cake then that's an additional bonus, not the central "thing" ifysim. And I usually order myself a few inexpensive things on-line too! Sometimes dh gets it right off his own bat, but sometimes he doesn't, so I think it's more of a safe bet to arrange a few things for myself - not in an "over the top way" - but just something like a bunch of flowers, a new nail polish and a paperback. You deserve to enjoy your birthday op!

Original poster
speakout · 17/04/2018 08:00

saltycrust- maybe my calvanistic upbringing.

Making a big deal out of your own birthday seems a bit childish, and birthdayzilla.

I don't really want a big deal anyway, just trying to understand why I feel so sad on my birthday.

OP posts:
TERFousBreakdown · 17/04/2018 08:05

Dread mine every year. Mostly because it tends to include my work colleagues getting me a cake and the man who fathered me not even calling or sending a card yet again.

I'm 36. It still hurts that the people at my office like me more than my own father does.

Sharpandshineyteeth · 17/04/2018 08:07

I agree with saltycrust. Really take control of your birthday and give yourself the right to be selfish. Plan it well, even if it's just boring things. For example, state you want a lay in until 11am, then go to shop to buy a picky lunch, then a long swim at your pool and then a take away and treat yourself to a film you've been wanting to see with a nicer bottle of wine than normal. No one has to get involved with that but you are giving yourself permission to have some really nice things.

Saltcrust · 17/04/2018 08:11

I don't think a bunch of flowers and a few presents qualify as a big deal do they? And what's wrong with taking yourself off for an hour or two to do something you enjoy, rather than having something imposed on you by others?

I've never understood this thing about birthdays (and Christmas for that matter) only being enjoyed by children. Don't adults deserve to have one day in the entire year when they celebrate their existence?

My sil is the same as you op. And it makes it hard because we want her to have a good day but she hates it, at the same time, ignoring it totally seems rude, so we never know what to do!

Each to their own though Smile

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