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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To Hate my birthday?

65 replies

speakout · 17/04/2018 06:30

Just that.
I woke up with a sense of dread. Family will get me nice little gifts, but I just spend the day wishing it was over.
Am I alone in feeling like this?

OP posts:
SaucyJack · 17/04/2018 08:12

" just trying to understand why I feel so sad on my birthday."

Has your Mum always been so tight?

Do you ever get treated on your birthday?

Most people would be disappointed with your birthday. I don't think it's you.

Saltcrust · 17/04/2018 08:13

Obviously though (having re-read your post) if you feel genuinely sad and there are deeper reasons for that then I'm sorry and it's worth exploring Flowers

littledinosaurs · 17/04/2018 08:17

Mine is this Saturday and I've been trying desperately to think of something to do that I actually would enjoy. I feel you OP. Here's to a better day today.

DappledThings · 17/04/2018 08:19

Saltcrust Has your SIL ever said what she wants or doesn't to happen? Because I would love everyone to ignore it but I feel rude saying that to PIL and SIL. I'm sure, like you, they'd think it rude to ignore it but if I could get it through to them I'd really like that my life would be much less stressful every June.

Just wondered, as you're on the other side of it what SIL could say to get you to ignore it so I can try the same thing! I've managed to get everyone else to ignore it, only PIL and SIL to go.

MillieMoosMam · 17/04/2018 08:22

I'd planned on having a spa day on my onesie - that's my plan...but I bet that doesn't happen either -

Now thinking of having the flu for my birthday - a contagious one...

Dulra · 17/04/2018 08:29

Happy Birthday op Cake Flowers

I have never really liked mine either not sure I would go as far as hating it but I have always felt a huge pressure to enjoy the day and be happy and go out. I think it just comes from not liking to be the centre of attention. I love socialising going to parties etc but when I am the reason for these get togethers I get really stressed and anxious about it. I was the same on my wedding day. Since I have had kids though I have started to enjoy it more I don't have the pressure to go out or have a party and a simple birthday tea with my dh and kids is low key and special

GinSolvesEverything · 17/04/2018 08:30

I hear every word you say - I’m exactly the same. Every year the same dread of the fakeness and forced jollity.

I tolerated it being common knowledge in my old job as we got the day off. My new office though celebrates them by a montage of all monthly birthdays on various tv screens around the building, and a cupcake presented to you in the full office WIP. I’ve had a quiet word with she who gate keeps the list and have had myself removed from it. UGH.

I think it’s tied back to years and years of underwhelming and shit birthdays as it’s very close to a frenemy’s birthday so that overshadowed it every year. Now I just want it to completely disappear.

Saltcrust · 17/04/2018 08:37

Dappledthings no that's the issue really. I would love it if my sil said something as specific as "please totally ignore my birthday, I would really prefer that" or "please give me a voucher to go towards the cushions I want" or "please just send a card and we'll catch up another time". But she leaves it a bit ambiguous - and is very down and depressed (which is absolutely her right of course!) - but as we are usually all together, no one knows how to behave. Because obviously we all love her and want to show her that and we don't like seeing her sad. It's difficult!

I can understand you being frustrated by being bought jewellery you don't wear every year though. That doesn't sound thoughtful at all.

HoorayForHolidays · 17/04/2018 08:43

I feel exactly like you OP. There might be several reasons why, but I think in essence, it's because I feel like no one else really cares (friends and family). I accept that it's probably always going to be like this, so I combat it by going away for my birthday, where possible. I love holidays and weekends away and being away from home lifts the horrible suffocating feeling of dread and sadness.

FinallyHere · 17/04/2018 08:44

Chiming in to agree with @Saltcrust . As an adult, I think we owe it to ourselves to work out what would be a treat for birthdays and make it happen. It makes it easier to smile and thank anyone else's efforts to mark the day if you know you have something special to do it.

For me, so long as I have been eating 'healthily'! I give myself permission to eat anything i want on my birthday. It works best on the actual birthday, but sometimes I have to declare another day 'B-day'. I often find myself dreaming about what I am going to eat, haribo for breakfast, anyone. Often I don't eat anything too out of the ordinary, but the treat aspect never fails to delight me.

If you prefer your own company, then tell anyone who asks you what you are planning, that you are sorry, you can't meet up that day, as you are going away. Whatever works for you. I challenge you to work out your treat before your next birthday...Smile

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 17/04/2018 08:47

Over the past few years I have consciously decided to devote my birthday to catching up with friends. I manage my own work load so can juggle things to take the day off. I meet friends for coffee/lunch etc and catch up with them.

Original poster
speakout · 17/04/2018 08:47

VHoorayForHoliday maybe that's it.

Although I have an very loving partner and a close good relationship with my teenage kids.
My sister sends no card, my MIL sends no card.

I need to give myself a shake really.

OP posts:
Ivymaud · 17/04/2018 08:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Saltcrust · 17/04/2018 08:57

Oh and I'm going to say something really horrible now, so I apologise in advance if I offend someone who is genuinely sad or depressed ...

...but sometimes ...just sometimes... I get a wee bit irritated by people who are miserable on their birthday (not referring to you op!) especially when people are making efforts on their behalf. I can understand not liking being the centre of attention if you are genuinely shy, but surely it attracts more attention sometimes by being "ostentatiously sad" when others are doing their best?

And why pretend your birthday doesn't mean anything if you are specifically miserable on that date?

Just to emphasize - this does not include people who are genuinely in a bad place - or who have family issues - or who feel genuinely sad or depressed for any reason.

To the others though, who are just being narky for the sake of it, I'd say "lighten up" , being bought a cupcake and a card is not the worst thing in the world!

Original poster
speakout · 17/04/2018 09:04

*being "ostentatiously sad" when others are doing their best?
*

I appreciate your straight talking, maybe some of this is self indulgence.

I sat and cried alone in bed this morning- no one was witness to that- so not done to be ostentatious.
I try as hard as I can to hide my feelings.
After my little weep I had a long hot shower, a strong coffee, dried and styled my hair and by 7.30 was able to greet my daughter and OH with a smile and a hug.

I do appreciate what you are saying though.

OP posts:
Saltcrust · 17/04/2018 09:23

Op - You are obviously NOT being ostentatious about it, and if you re-read my post, I did very carefully say it was not directed at you or anyone else who was feeling genuinely sad or depressed.

I understand that Mumsnet can be a great place to express feelings you wouldn't normally be inclined to share in rl.

I am sorry you are feeling so upset today Flowers

Original poster
speakout · 17/04/2018 09:24

Saltcrust thank you.

OP posts:
GinDoll · 17/04/2018 09:25

It's my birthday today too, happy birthday to all my birthday twins Grin YANBU to hate your birthday so just ignore it til it goes away.... for me I enjoy mine generally. I laze about doing very little. Eating what I want and buying myself presents. It's awesome Grin

Original poster
speakout · 17/04/2018 09:29

GinDoll Happy Birthday!

OP posts:
stressedoutfred · 17/04/2018 09:31

I'm always feeling abit rubbish about my birthday too. I put a lot of effort into DH and DS's birthdays and it always feels like minimal is put into mine. Rarely do I ever get a present which is really thoughtful, and I think I'm really easy to buy for.

Now I just accept it as being that's the way it is, still rubbish though.

Happy Birthday @speakout SmileThanks

Sadmum23 · 17/04/2018 09:34

Totally agree ( my birthday also today) never remember enjoying them. Never had a party . Had cake once my children got older as they thought l should have. Felt even less like "celebrating" since losing one of my daughter nearly 4years ago, why should l be able to when she can't

Guess l just an old grumpy !

Original poster
speakout · 17/04/2018 09:37

Sadmum23 I am so sorry for your loss.

OP posts:
Sadmum23 · 17/04/2018 09:42

Thank you speakout - just reread my message , wanted to support your view but ended up being self indulgent - sorry.💐

Original poster
speakout · 17/04/2018 09:43

Sadmum23 you are not being self indulgent at all- you have been through unimaginable heartbreak. XX

OP posts:
brokeForYou · 17/04/2018 09:45

I dislike mine. Nothing to hate but I see it as pointless.

I suspect that people with characters like mine (outgoing, loud, enjoy hoisting) usually like birthdays but they just aren't for me.

My children love birthdays though. Anyones. You wouldn't believe how excited they were when they jumped on me two hours earlier than normal!