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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To Hate my birthday?

65 replies

speakout · 17/04/2018 06:30

Just that.
I woke up with a sense of dread. Family will get me nice little gifts, but I just spend the day wishing it was over.
Am I alone in feeling like this?

OP posts:

JT05 · 17/04/2018 09:47

Happy Birthday to everyone who has one today! 🎉🥂🎂
I also used to have rubbish birthdays. The golden child had his just before Christmas, along with DF and Grandma, so much celebration. Mine is at the beginning of January, so usually very low key. I never had a birthday party, people were overspent and my mother often got the day wrong!
As an adult I took control, it has been made better by DH and children. I also make sure that significant birthdays are celebrated with holidays to somewhere interesting ( hopefully warm).
Have an enjoyable day.

Babdoc · 17/04/2018 10:04

My birthday is always a sad and difficult time, ever since my DH died the day before it. I found my presents hidden in his car a few weeks later, when I was preparing to sell it.
That was 26 years ago, and I still struggle with my birthday.
I try to do all my crying the day before, and then my wonderful DDs always give me a special day and keep me busy to try and keep my mind off the awful memories of saying goodbye to him when he was brain dead on a ventilator in ITU.
They’ve taken me for meals in gourmet restaurants, to operas, for trips to Amsterdam and Prague, to the Christmas markets in Edinburgh.
I love them dearly and appreciate their efforts, but I so wish I could escape from the heavy shadow of grief that burdens me and the overwhelming longing to be able to spend the day with my DH.
I can’t even reminisce with my DDs as they were babies when he died and so have no memories of him.

Saltcrust · 17/04/2018 10:28

to Sadmum and Babdoc and anyone else who feels sad on their birthday.

Tigerpit · 17/04/2018 10:49

I'm with you. I'm an attention avoider naturally so birthdays can be excruciating. This is a big milestone year for me, and my birthday weekend will be spent safely in a hotel with my OH, in a beautiful part of the country, enjoying peace, walking, eating and quiet without any "nice surprises" being sprung by my extroverted little sister! She'd mean well so I'd spend all my energy trying to pretend I was enjoying it to avoid upsetting her, rather than actually enjoying myself. A hotel in the scottish highlands ticks all the boxes for me xxx

Drainedandconfused · 17/04/2018 10:54

It’s my birthday on Thursday and it’s cancelled. I have never had a good birthday ever, my 40th was awful, my 41st was worse, I’m dreading to see what my 42nd brings I hate my birthday.
Op, hope you have the best day that you can

Ragwort · 17/04/2018 11:04

I was almost going to start a thread on this subject - I am coming up to a 'big' birthday this year (I have already had quite a few 'big' birthdays ) and I am just fed up with the pressure to 'do something special'.

I know it sounds so ungracious (and I hate myself for admitting this when Babdoc and others have had such sad experiences) but I am just not into the forced jollity, the unwanted presents and gifts (I am lucky to have everything I need in my life - I just don't want to even deal with more gifts), spending money on a meal out that I don't particularly enjoy.

I've had some lovely birthdays in my time, some great parties but I am happy to just have those memories and not have to repeat the same experience every ten years - does that make me sound like an ungrateful cow? . What I would like is charity gifts, but no one seems to like giving them, so I will buy myself a nice big charity gift .

Original poster

speakout · 17/04/2018 11:30

Ragwort I am with you.

I also have a dislike of "stuff".
My needs are simple, and I don't like all that endless packaging, overpriced crap.
I prefer simple gifts.
Last year my teenage DD (16) took a pack of playing cards and wrote 52 reasons why I love my Mum- with a felt pen.. One on each card.

It is the most precious gift I have been given- and cost less than £2.

OP posts:

Sadmum23 · 17/04/2018 11:32

Thank you Saltcrust

Ragwort · 17/04/2018 12:01

That sounds lovely speakout ................. I can't really imagine my teenage DS doing the same - what I'd love is a 'present' of him washing the car once a week .

MonsteraDeliciosa · 17/04/2018 12:53

I'm not bothered either way by mine. I choose my own gift (from DH) and DM gets me something that I'll have suggested, but I always choose things for the house as gifts, as I have no need of "stuff" either.
We have a day at IKEA as my birthday day out.

Two student DDs usually send me card and small gift; adult DS usually forgets, but did text "I love you" last time which was lovely.

The only thing I genuinely want on my birthday is to not cook or do housework!

Likejellytots88 · 17/04/2018 15:22

I dislike it more now i'm older as it's just another day. I still have to cook, clean, look after everyone and get jobs done. Plus I never want anything so only get cards with vouchers in - I think cards are a waste of paper and money, I put them straight in the recycling and always get vouchers for place I don't shop at so end up giving them away as a gift to someone else. I'm of the mid frame of if I want something I'll get it - none of this waiting for birthdays/christmas bull! I'm not sociable either so hate going out! I never really enjoyed 'the day' when i was younger either, loved the presents but hated being in the middle of the attention. Told my DP this year my bday present is for him to get the garden summer ready so I can hopefully catch some rays with a beer on my mid summer birthday

morningconstitutional2017 · 17/04/2018 15:40

I felt embarrassed about it at work as the rest of the office would gather round one's desk singing 'happy birthday, and then they'd present a gift (contributed to by all) which you had to open in front of them. At tea-break the birthday girl would go round the office with cake (sweets for other departments) so you couldn't help but be the centre of attention. It was a nice gesture but a but tricky for the shy. It was nice to get a card from each individual though.

Original poster

speakout · 17/04/2018 16:32

morningconstitutional2017 that sounds horrific. I would have called in sick.

OP posts:

Tinkobell · 17/04/2018 20:17

I dislike my birthday too. Last one I actually went out for a walk and cried. They are normally mid week, can't escape all the usual dross, look in the mirror - fatter and older. I just can't feel positive about it.

SukiTheDog · 17/04/2018 20:41

Me. I think it’s the pressure to “have a happy day”. I don’t really want the attention iykwim. Colleagues at work threw a surprise party for me a few years ago and I was mortified. I needed a week to get over it; I was exhausted by having to look surprised/happy/entertain/be the centre of attention.

My DS is exactly the same 😐

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