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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to find 12 years too young for contraception.

115 replies

DropItLikeASquat · 16/04/2018 19:20

was on this morning but came up on my youtube feed.
Apparently its okay fr 12 year olds to be given the contraceptive implant.
WTAF!!!!!
AIBU or is this just disgusting.
IMO a 12 year old can't possibly make a real informed decision about this. Most 12 year olds wouldn't even pass being gillick competent.
and by law any child age 12 or under that is having sex, can't legally give consent regardless of the other persons age.
this would mean that anyone that have sexual intercourse with this girl is automatically guilty of rape as she legally can't give consent.
I don't understand how that child can't give consent to sexual intercourse but can give consent to have a contraceptive device fitted so they may partake in sexual intercourse.
were not taking about girls going on the pill to treat symptoms of periods etc this is to have an implant fitted.
Im shook that anyone would let a child have this device fitted.

OP posts:

UnimaginativeUsername · 17/04/2018 00:05

The only sexually active 12 year old knew as a child was (and is) very vulnerable and damaged. A school friend was abused by her much older brother and then he involved her in CSE. As a result she exhibited risky sexual behaviour, self harmed and experienced eating disorders throughout her secondary schooling. As an adult she still struggles with eating disorders and has issues with substance misuse.

I always knew she was troubled but had no idea the extent of it. Nor would I have had the maturity or understanding at 12 to help her. It is only recently that she’s been able to tell me a bit about what happened to her as a child.

She has been horribly failed by the adults around her at the time, particularly her parents who didn’t believe her, sided with her abuser and (in doing so) enabled her sexual exploitation. They just wrote her off as a fuck up.

A large proportion of sexually actively 12 year olds will be very vulnerable. Often that vulnerability does not look like vulnerability to other people though. It looks like ‘wilfulness’, ‘precociousness’ and/or ‘choice’. That has been a big issue in recognising CSE.

AornisHades · 17/04/2018 00:07

Graphista it's disappointing to hear it's still happening. Bad enough in any country but more shocking in a country perceived as liberated.

crunchymint · 17/04/2018 00:08

Aornis The two girls I knew were not without parental support. One had very strict parents who the girl could never talk to about anything to do with boys or sex. Being able to talk to parents and confide in them is a big protection factor for children.

But talking about them as profoundly damaged makes it sound as if they are damaged for ever. I am not denying there are issues, I am objecting to the language you are using.

HappyStripper · 17/04/2018 00:14

The only difference between giving or not giving a 12 year old who plans to have sex contraception is that the former wouldn’t get pregnant, the latter could. Limiting contraception doesn’t stop people having sex, especially as you’ve already said 12 year olds aren’t developed enough to consent and therefore make a logical decision not to as well. So basically you’d prefer a 12 year old to not only be traumatized by sex but also pregnancy on top of that?

AornisHades · 17/04/2018 00:14

I'm sorry if the language isn't to your liking. It isn't a judgement statement. And I certainly don't think they're a lost cause. They need a load of support from somewhere. I don't see damaged as broken. And I certainly don't want to argue about the semantics

Shrimpi · 17/04/2018 00:16

There are 12 year olds in this country working as prostitutes. The level of sexual exploitation some of these kids are buried in is not easy to fix. You can't simply lock them up. You can't simply find a nice family who will fix them. They do not trust adults, they do not do as they are told, they don't always tell the truth. They may be abusers themselves. Sometimes they are loyal to their abusers. Reaching and protecting these children to try to change the course of their life is an enormous challenge. Once that child's engagement is lost and they run away - that is it they will be dead in a ditch before they are 20. Giving them contraceptive is the least part of the small number of cumulative actions to try and make the best of a terrible situation. I mean, the idea that contraception is some kind of root problem for a 12 year old having sex is really laughable. Sorry to be harsh OP.

VladmirsPoutine · 17/04/2018 01:11

WTF.

LassWiADelicateAir · 17/04/2018 01:30

Philip Schofield (?) is an idiot - all that talk of some of them being very advanced, very forward. Creepy and nasty. And the reason the UK has higher rates of teenage pregnancy is not because other countries hand out contraception to 12 year olds and we don't but because other countries tackle the causes of why 12 year olds are having sex.

ReanimatedSGB · 17/04/2018 10:45

I am getting the impression that this report has been deliberately sensationalised so its 'findings' can be used to stigmatize, punish and control the sexuality of young people, tbh. That's why the emphasis is on 12-year-olds (when most of those given the implant probably are being given it to regulate problem periods). It puts me in mind of the intermittent media panics about sex ed being GIVEN TO CHILDREN IN NURSERIES which always paints it as toddlers being taught how to put a condom on or other such nonsense, when what is being proposed is that children learn, in an age-appropriate way, about their own bodies and how to relate to other people in healthy ways...

MorganKitten · 17/04/2018 11:09

I was on Norethisterone from 13 because my bleeding was so heavy I would be off school and unable to move. My doctor said it looked like I was having a miscarriage every month
Two years on that and it got my insides to play ball and I was able to have a normal month. Its not always about sex there are other reasons for it.

UnimaginativeUsername · 17/04/2018 12:16

I think you’re right @ReanimatedSGB.

Bluetrews25 · 17/04/2018 19:36

So you think that a 12 year old who is able to recognise that she a)needs contraception, b) and can book herself an appointment without mummy doing it, and c) turn up for it without mummy ferrying her there is NOT competent and adult enough to make that choice for herself? There are many older females who lack this level of perception!
Yes, 12 year olds ideally should not be sexually active, but some are. May or may not be consensual. May or may not cause long term damage. But better they are not pregnant as well.
I met a 26 year-old granny at work a while back. She had her daughter at age 13, and the daughter had her baby at 13, and was so proud it was the same age as when her mum did it . That was sad.

PerfectlyDone · 17/04/2018 20:14

ReanimatedSGB, yes!
Absolutely - sensationalist, slightly distasteful poor 'reporting'.

Liara · 17/04/2018 20:23

I think anyone who takes responsibility for contraception in such a way is adult enough to be treated like one.

She is very unlikely to not have sex if she is refused, but she is likely to do it with less protection.

It would be irresponsible to deny her.

LeighaJ · 17/04/2018 20:29

I'll never forget when riding the school bus at 15 hearing two 12 year old girls discussing in detail giving oral sex and having sex in general. It made me feel physically ill as they clearly had no concept of what a serious decision they'd made and I wondered how long before one of them got knocked up. Turns out 13 for one and 14 for the other.

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