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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be concerned about a bruise on my son?

104 replies

Someonehelpmi · 16/04/2018 12:11

I have no idea what to do about this or even if I should post here but I really need an outsiders views!

My son is under 3 months and obviously non mobile. I collected him from his dad's house after an overnight stay and as I was changing I noticed a blue/pink dotty bruise on the inside of his neck, I mentioned it and he got very upset that I was insinuating he had done something (fair enough anyone would be) so I just put it down to the car seatbelt running him. HOWEVER once km the car I noticed more little bruises and marks all across his chest and the top of one armpit. I am not questioning everything I know and everyone. Obviously it's horrifying that someone would think you had purposely harmed a small child but babies don't really bruise that easily or to that extent? I mean I've given him a firm pat on the back to wind him and never had that. Even if it's accidental it's worrying? His dad has now come back to me saying he did notice it...

Basically I need an opinion, should I take him to the doctors or leave it? He is otherwise well, drinking alot weeing and pooing. Even by thinking about hiding it i feel like that already makes me look like I have something to hide. However I'm sure it's pretty much guaranteed if I take an infant that small with non accidental injuries to the GP I'm guaranteed to be put on a list and have possible SS involvement. Am I overreacting?? I feel like a horrible parent that I'm even in this position. He didn't have a scratch on him when I left him with his dad but now I'm just questioning everything Sad. I also don't want to insinuate that is father would purposefully harm him as he has always adored him and cared for him well. Help please

OP posts:
Original poster
Someonehelpmi · 16/04/2018 12:12

Sorry for all the typos

OP posts:
Dvg · 16/04/2018 12:16

You need to express your concerns to a GO because what if his dad did hurt him? Dont leave it til its too late or you might regret it for the rest of your life.

Even if he hasnt purposefully hurt your son he has been too heavy handed on him

Mybrainisfried · 16/04/2018 12:17

Get it checked out at the doctors your main concern should be your baby bruising can be signs of illness. If they are due to being hurt and you know this wasn't you why would you want to hide it what if it leads on to more serious injuries?

Luckingfovely · 16/04/2018 12:18

You need to get a clear explanation from his father as to how they happened, that is well within your rights.

It may be worth making it clear, in a friendly and non-threatening a manner as possible, that without an explanation you will have no option but to involve doctors and ss. You probably should involve docs anyway at this age.

The ball is then in his court - but you have to get to the bottom of this, and you can't let DS ever go there again without knowing why he is covered in bruises.

Is it possible it is a rash / disease that needs medical attention anyway?

abiveve · 16/04/2018 12:18

See a GP/Health Visitor ASAP so they can assess the bruises.

Also, so that you can get it on record that the bruises happened while he was in his dad's care, if the worst comes to the worst.

Original poster
Someonehelpmi · 16/04/2018 12:19

Thank you, I will book an appointment asap. I'm just a young first time mum so worried fingers will be pointed Sad. My son is very well looked after and cared for and I have a good support network so I know he is not at immediate risk from me.

OP posts:
Trinity66 · 16/04/2018 12:20

If its concerning you, you really have to investigate, if something happened to your child afterwards you would never forgive yourself for not following this up

FizzyGreenWater · 16/04/2018 12:21

YES record it.

You have to.

See your GP - not health visitor unless they are one of the really good ones. Do it today.

Your son is very little to be doing overnights? At this age they are really better with their primary carer and with shorter daytime visits.

Original poster
Someonehelpmi · 16/04/2018 12:21

I've asked his dad he says he has no idea how they got there. He said it could be from his baby carrier thing but I highly doubt that. I'm just worried that I'm going to be scrutinised now, I was fairly confident in my parenting and handling of my little one, I'm just going to feel so on edge everytime!

OP posts:
feejee · 16/04/2018 12:23

I think that the GP or health visitor is required to inform SS for any bruising on a non-mobile infant. It would probably require a hospital visit to date the bruising and go from there.

bobstersmum · 16/04/2018 12:24

I really feel for you op what a position to be in! I understand why you are scared about getting it looked at but as other people have said it could actually indicate an underlying illness so you must definitely go to the appointment. I hope it all turns out OK. I personally would keep him with you for the time being until you know more about what caused it. Please update when you know!

Original poster
Someonehelpmi · 16/04/2018 12:25

He is a little young, I didn't feel too worried as we lived together when he was born but split because he just struggled and I needed support. Whenever he was with him then he was always really good with him and gentle and I knew his family would be there. I feel awful.

OP posts:
bobstersmum · 16/04/2018 12:25

Ps I would add that one little bruise could be accidental but more than one not so much?

littlecabbage · 16/04/2018 12:25

I think it's worth reporting also:

1). Bruising can be a sign of an underlying disorder such as leukaemia - not likely at all, so please don't worry unduly, but needs checking.

2). Make sure the Dad realises how serious this is, whether or not he did anything a bit heavy handed.

3). Get on record that it wasn't you. Protect yourself.

Original poster
Someonehelpmi · 16/04/2018 12:27

@bobstersmum l exactly what I thought...

OP posts:
DancingLedge · 16/04/2018 12:28

Yes, that's going to be difficult for you.
But not as difficult as your DC getting more seriously injured in the future. Or more serious allegations being made.

At that age, you need a GP emergency appointment today.
You also need to contact Social Services- yes, that sounds scary. But do it yourself, and they can't claim you're not trying to look after your child. If you don't report it yourself and it gets reported later by someone else, you don't look so good.

This must be horribly stressful.

Cockmagic · 16/04/2018 12:29

Yes please get him seen it could be a sign of a medical condition.

Cathmidston · 16/04/2018 12:29

Knowing how easily things can get out of hand, I would wait but monitor the situation VERY closely.
I’m not sure when he’s due to go to his dads again, but I’d make sure all the bruises were healed and if more similar ones appeared during subsequent contact, then I would take it further. In the meantime take photos yourself and keep a log of when it happened etc etc x

Tester123 · 16/04/2018 12:31

I would go to a and e straight away.
DD had lots of small 'under the skin' what looked like bruises when she got meningitis. It could be an illness, or if its not then you need to take him straight away anyway and explain that hes been with his dad and returned with these marks so they can make sure there isn't any other injuries if it is none accidental bruising.

bonzo77 · 16/04/2018 12:32

Echoing everything above. According to my (limited) child safeguarding training, any traumatic injuries in a child that is not yet mobile (walking, crawling) is a potential red flag for non-accidental injury. The cause might be totally innocent, or could have a legitimate medical cause (maybe a blood clotting disorder). But I think this warrants emergency contact with a medical professional. Today.

liveinthemo · 16/04/2018 12:37

Very most likely will not be the case but my young brother who is in early teens has leukaemia and unexplained bruising is a sign of it BUT it is also a sign of anaemia too. Unexplained bruising can be down to many illnesses in children so I'd definitely get it get checked just to be on the safe side! Smile

Mightymucks · 16/04/2018 12:40

Call 111. One of my DS’s has small spots. He was blue lighted to hospital in case it was meningitis. It turned out it, but you need to check.

If it is something deliberate it still needs to be checked. If it turns out it is, raising the alarm would be better for you than saying nothing.

Tester123 · 16/04/2018 12:45

@cathmidston sorry but that is awful advice. You don't send a baby under 3 months back somewhere where they may have been physically abused to see if it happens again!

It won't get out of hand. They will investigate the cause, and if there is no apparent explanation then her ex will most likely have to be supervised during contact.
(Which I would be doing regardless of the outcome at this age and with this situation tbh OP)

But OP having him checked for injuries while she wasn't there wouldn't cause issues for her. In fact it will avoid issues which could happen if she hides it as that would show she wasn't capable of meeting his medical needs.

GoodMorningSunshine · 16/04/2018 12:46

Someonehelpmi
You'll be doing the right thing by popping your new baby along just to get checked out. Please don't ignore it, not any easy decision to make but the right decision is to get him seen. Sending you a very unmumsnetty hug because I'm sure you need it right now. 🤗
And by the way congratulations on your new baby!

HRoosevelt · 16/04/2018 12:48

Please do not wait, please make sure you see doctor today. Follow your gut instinct

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