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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be concerned about a bruise on my son?

104 replies

Someonehelpmi · 16/04/2018 12:11

I have no idea what to do about this or even if I should post here but I really need an outsiders views!

My son is under 3 months and obviously non mobile. I collected him from his dad's house after an overnight stay and as I was changing I noticed a blue/pink dotty bruise on the inside of his neck, I mentioned it and he got very upset that I was insinuating he had done something (fair enough anyone would be) so I just put it down to the car seatbelt running him. HOWEVER once km the car I noticed more little bruises and marks all across his chest and the top of one armpit. I am not questioning everything I know and everyone. Obviously it's horrifying that someone would think you had purposely harmed a small child but babies don't really bruise that easily or to that extent? I mean I've given him a firm pat on the back to wind him and never had that. Even if it's accidental it's worrying? His dad has now come back to me saying he did notice it...

Basically I need an opinion, should I take him to the doctors or leave it? He is otherwise well, drinking alot weeing and pooing. Even by thinking about hiding it i feel like that already makes me look like I have something to hide. However I'm sure it's pretty much guaranteed if I take an infant that small with non accidental injuries to the GP I'm guaranteed to be put on a list and have possible SS involvement. Am I overreacting?? I feel like a horrible parent that I'm even in this position. He didn't have a scratch on him when I left him with his dad but now I'm just questioning everything . I also don't want to insinuate that is father would purposefully harm him as he has always adored him and cared for him well. Help please

OP posts:

Alpineflowers · 16/04/2018 12:54

Is there a reason why the visit has to so long, be 'overnight'? Would it be possible for the visits to be shorter and be at your home, with you there, or with a trusted relative? This is such a young baby and I do wonder if such a long (24 hours?) visit at this young age is necessary.

I would be wary about anymore unsupervised contact until the issue is resolved. What you seem to be decribing is quite extensive bruising. You need to take photos/a video and see a doctor or health visitor as soon as possible.

Having said all that, there could be an innocent and simple explanation, a different washing powder used for clothes or bedding might have casued a skin rash for example but if what you are seeing are bruises, then it is very worrying.

Don't 'feel awful'. You come across as a caring and concientious mum. You have nothing to feel awful about

MumofBoysx2 · 16/04/2018 12:57

If it were me I wouldn't leave him there alone again until I'd got to the bottom of it. Bruises don't just appear! Please take him to your doctor!

Juells · 16/04/2018 13:00

AFAIK bruising easily - particularly that dotty kind - can be symptoms of an illness. Struggling to remember, but a neighbour's child had something called something like rosacea, and that's how it manifested. Definitely doctor.

Childminder · 16/04/2018 13:01

As a childminder, I wold be very concerned and would have to follow this protocol. Bruising in a non mobile baby is always cause for concern. Please seek help urgently, it may be innocent, but it may not be, and a the child could be at risk of harm in the future. You also need to protect yourself agains allegations.

hertsscb.proceduresonline.com/chapters/p_bruising.html

SpanielFace · 16/04/2018 13:02

A friend's little girl had unexplained bruises all over her back as a young toddler, and it turned out to be anaemia. I think you need to get it checked ASAP. Hopefully it's something simple like that.

Dodie66 · 16/04/2018 13:03

See a GP as soon as possible

Stroller15 · 16/04/2018 13:04

I'm sorry you have to deal with this OP, you sound like a wonderful mum. In my experience, non-mobile babies don't bruise that easily. If his dad says he didn't do anything, maybe the best route is to not necessarily accuse him but say you have to take him to the GP as you're worried about possible underlying illnesses etc. But definitely do go to the GP today.

upsydaisydah · 16/04/2018 13:07

Protocol is that any baby with bruising under the age of six months old (so non-mobile) should be referred to children's services. You need to get him examined, just to have it put on record if anything. Try and get seen asap, so it doesn't become a delayed presentation.

Cockmagic · 16/04/2018 16:08

By the way op, no one will blame you, they will know you are a caring mum by taking him to a and e.

If you wait days, weeks etc they may question why you didn't seem medical attention immediately.

Please keep us updated and good luck.

fluffyblanket17 · 16/04/2018 17:38

With you saying a dotty bruise I'd be more worried it's a medical reason. Hope he's ok.

LittleRen · 16/04/2018 17:47

To me this sound more like illness related and would echo everyone else who has said get him checked ASAP. Where I am babies are seen right away at GP, and I guess they are given priority at a&e/out of hours. Keep us updated!

Maryann1975 · 16/04/2018 17:51

I’m a childminder and have to have a policy for ‘bruising in non mob8le babies’. If you presented your child to me, I would have to report the case through to the safeguarding team.

I suggest you get further real life advice from your gp or another local agency.

LittleRen · 16/04/2018 17:53

Are there any other children in the house? I have a 3 month old and two other boys, the boys can sometimes play with him and knock him - not hard enough to hurt him but they have no awareness so could go too far if I wasn’t watching and I imagine babies bruise very easily.

corythatwas · 16/04/2018 18:00

Apart from the serious disorders mentioned by pp, unexplained bruising can also be a sign of some less serious disorders where diagnosis will make a big difference to your child, for instance, the different types of Ehlers Danlos syndrome. Not deadly but may require extra support. My ds has Ehlers Danlos and he has large scars from injuries that were so slight that we didn't even notice them when they happened 10 years ago. Also bruises very easily.

It will also make a difference to you: if your child should turn out to have a chronic condition which means they scar or bruise easily, you want that down on record rather than a doctor at a later stage suspecting you.

StormTreader · 16/04/2018 18:00

Does it match up with where a seatbelt would sit across the car seat/carrier? I wonder if his dad had to do an emergency stop while he was in the car and he bruised from being pushed into the strap by the force of the stop?

swingofthings · 16/04/2018 18:01

OP, considering it is likely to be health related, if anything to worry about at all, I would actually tell you ex and ask him to come with you to the GP. It is after all his child too and clearly involved if he has him overnight.

If he says no, then you might want to be more worried about his care with him and you can report this and have good reason not to send him to his dad again. If he knows it has nothing to do with him, I would have thought that he would indeed want to go with you to the doctor.

Mayhemmumma · 16/04/2018 18:08

Social worker here if that's reassuring or not..
Trust your instincts, tell a GP or health visitor and ask for their opinion. It's quite incredible what some medical professionals can tell from a minor bruise. It would be far worse to let the bruise fade but keep that uncertainty. Don't be worried, tell ex that you want to get the bruise checked out as explanation doesn't fit for you.

You have nothing to worry about 're social services - you are doing the right thing in checking and any consequent ss involvement should be ensuring you feel able to keep DC safe.

RhinoBlue · 16/04/2018 18:11

As others had said, baby needs to be checked over by Dr. A friends baby had a lot of unexplained bruising at this age which turned out to be a type of anaemia (she is a very healthy little girl now). It was quite alarming to see all the bruises over her torso.

RhinoBlue · 16/04/2018 18:13

Should also add at no stage was there SS involvement. So don't worry about getting him checked out.

sillyoldowl · 16/04/2018 18:20

I hope it's nothing serious op

Bambamber · 16/04/2018 18:21

Is there a reason why you would jump straight to assuming it's abuse rather than a medical issue?

Either way, get baby seen by a Dr. As pp have mentioned there's lots of medical issues that can cause bruising and if they are ruled out you can go from there. If SS do get involved im sure there would be even more cause for concern if you didn't seek medical help for unexplained bruising. You may find it difficult to explain why you didn't seek help straight away. Good luck, I hope it's a non sinister issue that will be easily resolved

Mayhemmumma · 16/04/2018 18:24

As baby is very young and you are basically saying you are worried how he got the bruises in his father's care, the gp should proceed with caution and potentially make a referral to social services/hospital or an enhanced health visiting service, unless they are completely satisfied with the explanation given by dad.

I would hope and expect some follow up because your fear is actually a serious one and don't let anyone try and tell you, that as a young mum you don't know best. You know baby best OP, believe in yourself and dont let ex talk you out of anything.

Mouseville65 · 16/04/2018 18:30

Keep the messages where you asked him about how baby had got the bruises and take baby to get checked out asap. I hope you are ok op.

Toddlerteaplease · 16/04/2018 18:54

Bambamber.
Peadiatric nurse here. We have a saying. "Babies that don't cruise, don't bruise".

There is a protocol of investigations that will take place including x rays and blood tests to rule out medical causes.

Toddlerteaplease · 16/04/2018 18:55

And yes to getting it seen. Delayed presentation is considered a red flag.

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