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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be concerned about a bruise on my son?

104 replies

Someonehelpmi · 16/04/2018 12:11

I have no idea what to do about this or even if I should post here but I really need an outsiders views!

My son is under 3 months and obviously non mobile. I collected him from his dad's house after an overnight stay and as I was changing I noticed a blue/pink dotty bruise on the inside of his neck, I mentioned it and he got very upset that I was insinuating he had done something (fair enough anyone would be) so I just put it down to the car seatbelt running him. HOWEVER once km the car I noticed more little bruises and marks all across his chest and the top of one armpit. I am not questioning everything I know and everyone. Obviously it's horrifying that someone would think you had purposely harmed a small child but babies don't really bruise that easily or to that extent? I mean I've given him a firm pat on the back to wind him and never had that. Even if it's accidental it's worrying? His dad has now come back to me saying he did notice it...

Basically I need an opinion, should I take him to the doctors or leave it? He is otherwise well, drinking alot weeing and pooing. Even by thinking about hiding it i feel like that already makes me look like I have something to hide. However I'm sure it's pretty much guaranteed if I take an infant that small with non accidental injuries to the GP I'm guaranteed to be put on a list and have possible SS involvement. Am I overreacting?? I feel like a horrible parent that I'm even in this position. He didn't have a scratch on him when I left him with his dad but now I'm just questioning everything Sad. I also don't want to insinuate that is father would purposefully harm him as he has always adored him and cared for him well. Help please

OP posts:
BuntyII · 17/04/2018 13:53

I hope you got answers from the GP and that Baby is ok Thanks

Justmyownself · 17/04/2018 14:02

Yeah. Because every time a kid has a bruise somebody must be abusing them.

Hmm

Jesus wept!

steff13 · 17/04/2018 14:09

Yeah. Because every time a kid has a bruise somebody must be abusing them.

How does a 3-month-old get bruises?

Lukeandlorelai4Ever · 17/04/2018 14:24

How did you get on at the gp?

PeachQueen · 17/04/2018 14:32

Hey OP,

I have been thinking about you both allday - I hope that your little one is OK.

Hugs

ineedwine99 · 17/04/2018 14:37

Hope everything is ok OP

OnTheRise · 17/04/2018 14:41

I hope all went well for you at the GP, and that your son is ok, OP.

bobstersmum · 17/04/2018 19:04

Any update op? Hoping all went ok

LittleRen · 17/04/2018 20:43

I don’t normally get invested in threads but I really want to know the outcome here... hope baby is ok.

kaytee87 · 17/04/2018 20:51

I hope everything's ok op Thanks

Original poster
Someonehelpmi · 18/04/2018 11:23

Hello everyone, sorry for the delay in replying, I'm touched that everyone here has been so helpful and concerned. The GP appointment went alright (well he is still in my care so that's a plus!?). I have been referred to a consultant pedeatrician who will apparently be able to better tell what kind of bruises And what may have caused them. I hope this makes sense? My ex partner seems very concerned as they are going to look into what he was doing that night. So all a bit up in the air and while the GP admitted it needed to be investigated he wasn't whisked away or put on an at risk register. The bruises however have started to fade so not sure what the pedeatrician will do. Little One is still his usual self

OP posts:
kaytee87 · 18/04/2018 11:28

So glad you went. Did you take pictures of the bruises?

SubtitlesOn · 18/04/2018 11:44

Glad it is being looked into

Really hope you took photos the other day - if not then please take some now

Original poster
Someonehelpmi · 18/04/2018 11:45

@justmyownself So how does an infant who can't walk, crawl or have flexible joints get bruises on their chest? Doesn't necessarily mean abuse no but even if it's accidental it's worrying

OP posts:
Original poster
Someonehelpmi · 18/04/2018 11:46

@kaytee87 yes got pictures as soon I saw them then after stripping him to his nappy

OP posts:
summerinthecountry · 18/04/2018 11:58

You absolutely did the right thing.
Please also keep any texts it emails your ex may have sent you about this.
Your little one is safe and well with you. Obviously the baby can’t now spend any unsupervised time with him from now on (not over night or during the day) until it has been professionally established how the bruises are likely to have happemed.

summerinthecountry · 18/04/2018 12:00

If was an accident then the father should have taken him to se me a dr or health professional immediately, and called you straight away. Given the location of the bruises and the nature. Any parent would have done this..so whether it was an accident or not is irrelevant because he neglected the baby by not taking the right steps to care for the baby.

Juells · 18/04/2018 12:05

whether it was an accident or not is irrelevant because he neglected the baby by not taking the right steps to care for the baby.

If it's a platelet problem he probably wouldn't even have noticed the bruising. I don't think we should automatically jump to 'abuse'.

summerinthecountry · 18/04/2018 12:11

I disagree he said he also noticed the bruising whilst the baby was with him, it is reasonable to expect in to have alerted a dr/the mother/a&e. This is clearly not normal for a three month old and the fact he didn’t know/choose not to do this is very worrying.

summerinthecountry · 18/04/2018 12:12

In - him

FrLukeDuke · 18/04/2018 12:28

I think the fact he has been violent in the past makes this more worrying.

bobstersmum · 18/04/2018 12:35

I'm so glad you went to the gp with him, did the gp say it would be an urgent referral? As I know myself from being referred with my baby for something different (but still urgent imo) the appointment wasn't for two months! If the doc wasnt concerned then it may be a case of watch and wait to see if any more pop up, if this is the case I would advise to keep contact with father supervised until then (this will protect you all because the father will not feel at risk of allegations)
I do agree though that it could be a medical cause and nothing to do with injury, if this is the case I would take baby straight to a&e if it happens again rather than wait for referral.

TotoroToday · 18/04/2018 12:38

I took my 2 month old DS to the doctors as a MASSIVE bruise appeared on his ribs after he stayed at my mum's house. I was so upset and terrified (obviously he was immobile and I couldn't understand how it happened) Also I was scared that social services would be involved.

Turns out DS had a Mongolian blue spot, that is usually present in children of certain ethnicities and he is white so it was unusual.

It stayed with him till about 6 years old and it faded.

Was very glad the doctor knew what it was.

Point is, there may be an explanation but you have to check!

QueenofmyPrinces · 18/04/2018 12:42

You’ve done ry right thing, 3 month old babies should not have bruises.

greenlynx · 18/04/2018 13:32

You were absolutely right to check this with GP. It could be combination of things e.g. when a child has low platelets even a light pressure can result in a bruise.
It does look bad that father didn't contact you about bruises, it doesn't make him guilty, but less responsible and capable to care for such a small baby.

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